Who Do I Think I Am??

This one's about where I'm at.

What's up y'all? My internet time has been limited as of late, amid some of the changes going on in my life and times for now. But before I get into that, I've been, I suppose, catching up on some reading lately. Well, is it catching up if you really don't have a list, or are so far behind, or don't quite know where your books even are anymore? I pulled a poetry book out of the library the other day on a whim, and something struck me but I don't know why. I'd post a link, but I can't even find a link. So here it is:

Continuous Bullets over Flattened Earth

Like horizontal couriers of a vertical fate,
Like troop rotations at a service station,
Like English lessons in Guantanamo,
Like draping towels onto a bronze head,
Like spraying love onto the sand.
I went as one and came back as two.
I went as one and came back as zero.

          -Linh Dinh

I'm not sure how I feel about this, but it moves me in a way that I can't figure out. Maybe it's the last two lines. Discuss this in a manner that suits you best.

Now, I suppose, the real reason why you and I are both here at this magical moment where my thoughts intersect with your eyes. My journey among the streets has come to a bit of a meaning. It'll be about two weeks now that I've been granted a place to stay by some friends of mine, and I am beyond grateful.

It's almost as if I've come full circle in a way. It's a small, two bedroom house in the town I grew up in...actually about five minutes away from where I spent the first half of my life. In fact, where I'm staying now is directly across the street from where I went to middle school. Although it's no longer a middle school; an "alternative learning program" is what it is now.

So I no longer have "a place to live" on the list of things I lose sleep over at night for the time being. This is good. I'm a man of no complaints. Like I said, I'm grateful and appreciative. I stay neat and organized, clean up after myself, and stay mindful of the animals. Oh, did I mention animals? Yes, multiple pets. Dogs and cats. Lots of them. At one point last week the count was something like eight dogs and twelve cats. My friends are "fosters", meaning they house and care for the pets before they get adopted. It is a loving job. I'm sure when they made the choice to become fosters they weren't planning on taking in a human as well.

Now, I'm ok with pets. Even if I don't consider myself a cat person. I'm ok with them sleeping with me, even if they take up more room than they righteously deserve. I'm not ok with them brawling in the bed I'm trying to fall asleep in. I swear, there are so many cats in this house that I'm sure at least one of them, based on probability, owns a set of brass knuckles and threatened the rest of the cats in the bed who, like me, were trying to fall asleep. Because that's what normal people do in the middle of the night, ya dig?

So yes, one bad kitty spoiled sleepytime for the whole bunch, and I had to exercise my opposable-thumb dominance and give them all the boot out of the room. Cuz that's the rules...either play nice in the bed or sleep someplace else.

Anyway, back to the hometown. When I left, although I didn't go far, I swore I wouldn't look back. There wasn't a need to or a want to. It was time to move on and start the next phase of my life. Natural progression and all of that. Now as I walk the streets and look around, I notice how much it's changed, and how much it hasn't. A lot of the stores are gone or have new names. This library that I used to come to as a kid to get the Choose Your Own Adventure books got a paint job and internet access. The churches have consolodated, the apartments have paint jobs, the street signs are bigger and the neighbors aren't as neighborly as they were 20 years ago. Or maybe they are; I'm probably more cynical and prefer to keep to myself a lot more than I used to. And what hasn't changed? The funeral parlors. That's it. They're still the same...same brick buildings, same window trimmings, same bushes, same names, same functions performed in the buildings day in and day out. It's the only industry that has any type of security in itself these days...death never goes out of style and there'll never be a shortage of cadavers or anybody willing to put 'em in the dirt for a few bucks a body, that's for sure.

Cheektowaga...the land of the crabapple. Home sweet home.

MUSICAL BREAK!!

I have a strong tendancy a lot of times to show no emotion whatsoever. Long have I said, "Don't let the highs get too high or the lows get too low". You'll often never know by looking at me what's going on in my head; nor should you just by looking at me.

Today I was watching an episode of a tv show on DVD. I used to watch the show a lot when it first came on (no need to glorify it with a name; it's immaterial), but I stopped because I generally have no interest in television most of the time. But, while killing time I got sucked back into this program, and decided to give in. And during a sad moment in the scripted programming, this particular song was playing in the background. There are many plot arcs in this particular show, sometimes as many as there could be at any given moment in my head. My thoughts have been all over the place lately. Reminders of people, places and things subtle and also not-so. It'd be easy to just play this song and say it deals with one particular, obvious aspect of life; mine or anyone else's. But it's not. And like a lot of things I have a hand in, it's more complicated because that's how I prefer to make them be; if anything was easy would it be so worthwhile? The questions wouldn't be worth asking and the answers wouldn't be as fulfilling. So think of this what you will.

VITAL STATS:

The newest addition to the house of animals is a really little kitty named Duke. He's so tiny he could easily fit in my size 8.5 Adidas shell toes with room to spare. He's a fun li'l guy, as most cats usually are at that size. He enjoys battling with my fingers and climbing into my underwear while I'm using the facilities No.2-ishly.

One of the casulties of my lost summer is my phone. I'm supposed to be having a new one shipped today, so I hung around the house awhile waiting for FedEx, but I gave up. Of course, it probably arrived five minutes after I left. And had I waited around, it never would've came. Such is my luck. It's a cheap piece of crap phone anyway, but whatever. It's better than the two soup cans and piece of string I'm fantasizing about rigging up right now.

Oh, October, you fickle bitch! Looks nice out, but it's probably cold so I'll wear jeans and a fleece, but it's warm enough for shorts, and wouldn't you know it, the sun's gone away, the wind's picked up, it looks like a rainstorm (not just rain, but the whole damn storm) and it's 20 minutes of my time walking back home. Go figure.

Well, I suppose I could be in a worse mood. We'll see. Hopefully I'll have better news and be more entertaining and insightful next time. Right now, I want to sleep. Wish I could. Peace out, and GOODNIGHT NOW!!