Poems

Abandonment's Anguish

(something I found amongst the pieces of papers... another scribbled note)


Tight throated throbbing
I will not cry tears
Desperate telephone calling
Clutching through the years
         Another island
         Another shelter closed
         Keep on moving

I survival have chosen
Ears roaring, Bitterness growing
I am pleading, My desperation showing
I sought love, nurturing, to feel
         that someone cares
I found intolerance, rejection
         my presence no one can bare

D. McKinsey
4-2-90

© Copyright 2002 DyrHearte (UN: dyrhearte at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
DyrHearte has granted Writing.Com, its affiliates and syndicates non-exclusive rights to display this work.

Item Size: 0.56 KB (143 views)

Ratings:
4.5 Stars 3 50%
5 Stars 2 33.3%
3 Stars 1 16.7%
Total Ratings: 6 100.0%

Reviews: 4
1) Review By: Shelster
Date and Time: 03-17-02 @ 11:44pm
Public/Private: Private
Reviewer's Rating: (5.0)
Review Length: 42 Characters | 42 w/o WritingML

This is a very emotional piece, I love it!

2) Review By: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥmas
Date and Time: 06-02-08 @ 12:38pm
Public/Private: Public
Reviewer's Rating: (4.5)
Review Length: 717 Characters| 496 w/o WritingML

I felt terrible sadness and pain in this poem. It is almost that sheer despair that leaves the heart broken and the soul hollow. You do make the reader understand the emotions portrayed.

It has been wonderful visiting your port today. I will return before the month is over.
Thank you for letting me pop over for a visit. You are a lovely host.

Until next time--write on!

Ta,
WW


3) Review By: warriormom
Date and Time: 06-04-08 @ 1:41pm
Public/Private: Public
Reviewer's Rating: (5.0)
Review Length: 761 Characters | 525 w/o WritingML

Theme and Prompt



Form

Excellent Form. I like the way you moved the second stanza over to show a different time of life, or a different phase.

Spelling and Grammar

No errors found.

My Favorite Part


Tight throated throbbing
I will not cry tears

Suggestions

None.

Personal Opinion

Very moving. Strong message that needs to be given a voice!

Keep painting pictures with words!

Warrior Mom



4) Review By: Yellow Rose
Date and Time: 07-22-12 @ 7:29pm
Public/Private: Public
Reviewer's Rating: (4.5)
Review Length: 1,356 Characters | 1,332 w/o WritingML

Changing my format for reviews.
DISCLAIMER: This comes to you as a reader would see your work. I have only my opinion to offer. Sometimes I might find a bit of your work I thought that I might express feelings about. If it struck a cord etc. If there should be such an entry under 'EMOTIONAL CHORD STRUCK' that is just my feelings and not meant to hurt or take liberty with the authors work.


TITLE: Fits the content well.


IMAGERY: Good and vivid.

The character in this piece is expressing the fact that life has turned her into an outcast.

Those that should love her, turn their backs.

Even to the extent of showing indifference and rejection.

Only by her perseverance has she been able to survive.

Bitterness has found a spot in her heart but that is expected.

EMOTIONAL CHORD STRUCK:

Imagine if you could find no shelter as this character.

The shelter isn't just a dwelling but the shelter is love.

Someone to hold her and accept her and not treat her badly.

Where is the dignity she deserves?

TONE: Good depth of feelings.

Pain is felt here.

Sadness as well.



SPELLING ERRORS:None found.


FLOW: Flow is good. The word choice is good


OVERALL: Good read. Please keep sharing.

Yellow