Poems I've placed into statics, now transfered here with record of stats and reviews |
[Falling into Lost Love's pain] Faded and is Lost The dark chilled blanket of night has fallen upon the warmth of a sunny afternoon Eyes blinded by the descending sun Still see neon shadows where a moon should be but isn't Stars twink and shine through vapor mists of Stratospheric cloud Is that a satellite, a sputnik slipping by In the dark between the lights of far away suns? No matter, it has faded and is lost past the horizon it travels A chill breeze softly shivers away the remnants of a warm summer day Red mars and white venus are lost in a cloud I am cold I go to sleep never to recapture the summer warmth gone so suddenly 25 March 1990 revised 17 February 2002 © Copyright 2001 DyrHearte (UN: dyrhearte at Writing.Com). All rights reserved. DyrHearte has granted Writing.Com, its affiliates and syndicates non-exclusive rights to display this work. Item Size: 0.38 KB (137 views) Rates: 5 Stars 1 50% 4 Stars 1 50% Total Ratings: 2 100.0% reviews: 1 Review By: johnny1209 Date and Time: 08-21-12 @ 5:28am Public/Private: Public Reviewer's Rating: 5.0 Review Length: 600 Characters | 593 w/o WritingML Hello DyrHearte, I found your lovely poem through a random read. I would give it a 5.0 just for the imagery such as 'Stars twink and shine through vapor mists of Stratospheric cloud.' Your description says 'Falling into Lost Love's pain' which I don't quite 'get' , but I love the description of the warmth of the day evolving into the chilliness of the night. I can understand the last two lines only in the event of death since typical weather patterns tend to repeat themselves. The poem is well written; I see no errors and have no serious suggestions to make. Nice job! |