The Every Couple of Days Blog

Bad Back Day

It hurts to move. It hurts to not move. It hurts to be awake. This has been going on a while. I'm 57, and most of my pain is due to congenital lower back and neck issues. I picked up too much weight too often when I was younger, because I thought since I was tall that I was also strong, and inable to be humbled into a human condition of chronic pain. That's what I thought when I was younger.

There was a hit and run accident that exacerbated my neck, due to the whiplash. The driver of that car just kept on driving, totally got away, and eleven years later I always hurt. He's getting his karma, and I'm not concerned about him anymore. I do wonder sometime.

I'm changing pain management doctors come next Monday. I'm in serious pain, but I've got to wait till Monday. His schedule if full. I think he's been my pain management doctor for seven years. I have to wait. I don't merit a personal phone call. I don't seem to merit a refill on the narcotics he put me on. What a racket!

I wouldn't be this emotional if I didn't hurt so badly. And I'm left to my own devices, asprin, acetominapin, Aleve, and pot. The over the counter drugs aren't helping. Therma-patches are my only relief right now.

And I'm on pins and needles that the doctor's office will FAX a refill on my Talwin, scut?. Today is Thursday. Will I make the weeekende cut? I've been asking nicely three days. Today I got more assertive, and the nurse who used to be kind talked to me like I was a junkie. I guess she knows I am. She calls in the refills--a junkie. She shouldn't hurt those who are already in pain. Is this concept beyond logic?

Every month to six weeks this happens, and I have to go throught three unpleasant days of narcotic withdrawal. Street sellers take better care of their customers, though they should care less.

I'm so angry at myself for the money this docotor has been paid over the years. I'm absolutely ashamed. of myself. It was all money in his pocked and I hurt physically and emotionally for his years of care. I will tell him Monday, and I hope I calm down by them. I won't if I'm still hurting.

I can't get my prescriptions straight, becasue he was on holiday in Corpus Chrisit when my problem started up again. That was two months ago, almost.

What I'm going thru with pain meds is such a small percentage of what Michael Jackson went thru. I feel his pain. I love his final CD. It's good to cry along with; I don't feel like singing.

Sunflower seeking spring