In the Darkness

My Heart Smolders

His heart thudded in his chest. He wondered if it would just burst through and flop out onto his lap. Glancing up in his rear view mirror, Derek caught a glimpse of Ellie's face as she drove behind him. The librarian had given Ellie no more trouble, she didn't even bother to speak at all as she signed the books out to them. He was grateful. He had totally forgotten the drama caused by the town when she left. No one talked about it. The subject of Ellie and the almost immediate death of her parents was almost a forbidden subject. It made him laugh because anywhere else, that wasn't a big deal. Though here, in Foxwillow Springs, everything was a big deal and everyone knew about everyone's business.

Now though, he felt as though it was ten years ago. His heart was so swollen in his chest that it ached. He'd be a fool to not admit he still loved her. That he had never stopped. It had crushed him when she'd left. His parents had told him to move on and find someone better. They hadn't ever really liked Ellie. She was too independent for their tastes and they'd figured it was a wonderful opportunity for him to find someone better.

He'd tried to explain to them that the things they saw as faults, were the things he loved most about her. He had always wanted an equal, not someone who cleaned his house and bared him children. He wanted someone he could converse with and be friends with. They hadn't understood that. He'd always hoped they would. He wondered if they knew she was back. He doubted it, as his phone had been silent all day. Though, the day was still young.

Derek's house was just outside of town, sitting slightly back from the road. It was a two bedroom ranch house with an attached garage. His grandparents had left it to him when they passed. It was paid off, so he didn't have to worry about anything except utilities and taxes at the end of the year. He'd updated the bathrooms and the kitchen, working little by little. Most of it had been done during the summer breaks, since working at the middle school as a chemistry teacher, it left him a lot of time to work.

Pulling into the drive way, there was a happiness that filled him as he watched his house. It felt nice to have a home to come home to. A place that was all his. Especially, when it wasn't the house he grew up in. He tossed those thoughts aside as he climbed out of his car and watched Ellie do the same. There was a happiness that filled him as he saw her. He wasn't sure what would happen between them. He knew he'd be happy just having her in his life, but he'd be kidding himself if he said he didn't wish for more.

"You live with your grandparents?" She asked with a confused expression on her face.

"No, my grandparents passed a couple of years ago and they left their house to me." He watched a shadow of sadness pass over her face. "I jumped on it, since I could finally move out of my parent's house and have a place of my own."

"I'm sorry about your grandparents. They were very sweet to me." She smiled softly and followed him up to the front of the house.

"They liked you. You made me happy."

A flush crept up Ellie's face as he let her into his house first. It was the first room he redid after he moved in; the kitchen. It was warm and very modern. He'd added an island and a bar, to add more seating. He watched Ellie as she took it in and wondered what she thought of the changes. They'd come here a lot more than they did to his house. His grandmother had loved Ellie, since Ellie would help cook dinner with her. She had always said that Ellie was the granddaughter she never had.

"I think your grandmother would love this kitchen." She said softly as she felt the granite counter top.

"I'd like to think so too." It was nice to have her say it, to reinforce his thoughts. His parents hadn't said one thing or another about it. Their way of being nice, instead of nitpicking. They were offended that he hadn't asked for their input or their money to fix up the house. That he was doing it all on his own was a burr in their side. He lived in a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" family.

"If you want to make yourself comfortable, I'll start making some lunch." Ellie just climbed onto one of the stools and placed her chin on her hands. She smiled as she watched him work around the kitchen. He didn't feel nervous as he thought he might. It had been a long time since they'd been together.

Then again, there had never been any uncomfortable or awkward moments between them. They'd come together with such familiarity and they were so comfortable with each other it had been as if they'd known each other always.

"Were there a lot of rumors of why I left?" Her voice seemed to be just above a whisper.

As he pulled out some cooked chicken strips, some cheese, onion and tortilla shells, he tossed them on the counter before turning to face her. "Yeah, some people didn't understand and no one knew why you left. There was the ever popular you got pregnant by another man and left out of shame. There was one about you having a falling out with your parents about God-knows-what. There were others, but I tuned them out. It was all bullshit and I knew it. My parents reveled in it, of course."

A sneer flashed over Ellie's face. "Of course."

"I wish I could say that Melanie was an isolated incident, but you should be prepared for any other outbursts."

"I will be...I am. Now that I know it could be an issue. Melanie surprised me because to think that this town would've started rumors never once entered my mind. I was so absorbed into my own problems, I never thought about it. It's stupid now, since Foxwillow is such a small town that I should've expected it."

As Derek prepared the chicken strips and readied the other ingredients, he took a moment to look at Ellie while she looked around the kitchen. She had filled out and matured in the ten years she had been gone. It saddened him that the sparkle in her eye had disappeared and instead was replaced by a hardness and weariness that also just filled her face. He hoped they could put all of this to rest, so that he could hear her laugh again.

"What was your idea?"

"Huh?" Her voice had brought him around. "Sorry, was off somewhere else."

"At the library, you mentioned you had an idea."

As Derek readied the wraps for the strips, he looked at her. "Well, I figured we could talk more about which direction we're going to go in. How we're going to go about doing all of this. We can't exactly be obvious here."

Ellie's brow wrinkled as she thought about what she'd say next. "I hadn't thought about that. I...I didn't even think that they'd know I'd be looking." She nibbled on her bottom lip and worry spread across her face and he hated that someone put it there. "I'm so stupid."

Derek reached out to touch her hand. "You're not stupid, Ellie. It's good to talk about this stuff, to get it out and discuss it. As much as I want to find out what happened and make them pay for it, I want to make sure you're safe above all else. You're important to me."

"What am I going to do? I...I didn't...I don't..."

Her eyes looked huge, dark and bottomless, as she began to breathe heavily. She put a hand on her chest and got off the stool. He hurried over to her and wrapped her arms around her. "No, it's okay. My idea was to have you come stay here with me. I have a spare room you can use. I have an alarm and obviously all the amenities of a house, so you don't have to eat out and well...be out."

He felt her calm down and her arms wrap around him. "I don't know what I would do if I didn't have you here, Derek. I thought I was prepared to do this. I thought I was strong enough to deal with all of this, but I'm not. I'm terrified and I'm wondering if I made a mistake."

"No, you're not making a mistake." He pulled away from her and tilted her face up so she could look him in the eye, so he could look her in the eye and see that he was being sincere. "It's going to be hard, but it's worth doing. Your life, your future, is worth it."

She smiled softly. "Thank you, Derek." She sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "I was thinking when I was coming into town that I wished I had someone here. I think to make it easier to do this, to have some sort of rock to lean on. I was expecting to have to do this myself. I definitely didn't expect to have someone. I'm glad that it's you. You give me strength."

There was a flutter in his chest and he leaned in to kiss her forehead. "Let's eat and then we'll go grab your stuff and bring everything here and then we can officially begin."