Follow the Fortune Cookie

Even If It Kills Me

There is an English paper I'm in the midst of writing that will probably be the death of me. For some reason I cannot write the damn thing. Being that I consider myself a writer, this has an extra dose of shame added to the already late pages. Over the past several days I've been trying to figure out what my problem is. My research is done. The topic is something I'm interested in. I've written longer, more tedious papers in the past. Why, oh why, can't I get this albatross off my shoulders?

Today is the last day I can get this damn this in without completely shredding my final grade. So I will get it down and hand it in no matter what happens. This will not be the end of me. When I finally collapse under the stressful situation I've created all by myself, it will be on my own damn terms, not an English paper.

See how my apathy has changed? Apathy to arrogance with a nice dash of self-preservation. Talking with my friend M back in Orange County, I realized that mental deterioration seems to be contagious. She's off to DC in a month, so the end of her quarter means freedom. Everything else in her way, like her current classes, will be carnage in her wake. Same thing is happening with my guy. He's one of the most dedicated students to his craft, yet no matter how he tries to get to his exams, nature seems to get in the way. Frustration ensues. Anger comes next. Apathy sets up house. Arrogance seems to be the next step -- a brutal and blunt approach to survival.

Well, back to writing that damn paper. I'm going old school to reduce the urge to internet surf.

Motto of the day: "_____ even if it kills me." Try it and see what happens.

"Us of Lesser Gods" -- Flogging Molly