"Her"

Careless

"About two nights ago...wow. I know I should feel mortified, I should feel embarrassed. But putting myself on blast on facebook by accident was kind of carthartic. It felt kind of good."

So you're not concerned about your reputation?

"Anyone who's going to kick me when I'm down is an asshole. And fuck my reputation. What does it matter what other people think of me? I've always had some idiot think this or that about me. Someone might think I'm a woman I can't do this or that, and then I surprise them by breaking apart a piece of equipment they can't undo. Other people think I'm your usual black girl who only listens to rap, and they take a look at my music collection which has every genre known to man in it. People think I can't possibly be smart because I'm shy, or because my family was poor growing up, and if I ever tell them Duke University paid for me to take my SAT's when I was ten years old, their mouths drop open. And now people were under the impression that I was some perpetually sainted virginal lesbian, when in fact I have feelings fo someone so bad, I can't hold it in anymore. People are going to think what they want about me, regardless of what I do, regardless of what I know to be true. But I'm not going to let their thoughts, and their petty little whispers stop me from being me. I have emotions. I have pain. And once I let that go every once and a while I'm okay. I'm not some whiny, complainy person who dwells on their problems all day. I said what I need to say in my little seven-minute monologue on the internet, and I woke up the next day, with no hangover, and no desire to drink again. Anyone who wants to judge me by a video is more than welcome to do so, but at the end of the day, they're only judging me by only seven minutes out of my life. Whatever."

I can't completely agree with you. More people are likely to help you if you don't have a reputation for being unstable.

"But I'm not unstable. I made a drunken youtube video."

She shrugs and sighs. Appearances.

"Fuck appearances. And if people don't want to assist me in doing what I need to do for myself, writing or otherwise, I don't care. I always find a way to get what I need. You may be worried because my Girl Scout image has been soiled, but I don't give a fuck."