Who Do I Think I Am??

This one's about "you people".

THE PROMPT: "Explain something or someone that you feel is widely misunderstood."

What's up everybody? Boy, I'll tell you. I can already feel my blood starting to boil from a rant building up...it suddenly doesn't feel as cold in my basement anymore. Give me a few minutes and... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dj26N10Ymlg

Well, not the whole green thing, but I'm gonna kind of flip the prompt a little because really, what I can't understand are some of the few simple things in retail life that people just don't seem to get. Allow this list for your consideration:

It's Saturday, and it's the last day of an ad that came out six days ago...the previous Sunday. We are going to be out of items, because other people shop here, and maybe needed the cheaper can of coffee sooner. Lord knows, we only sold through 12 cases of it since it came back in stock on Wednesday. Don't blame me that you waited until the last minute for something...it isn't going to be any cheaper. And don't blame the shitty weather as an excuse for you not being to get here, cuz not only did we have to get here to make sure we were open, but we also had to take care of everyone else who decided it might be a good idea to shop during a snowstorm.

On a related note, when you come in for something and we're out of stock, do not take it personally. I'm not holding out on you. I don't want you to not buy something. And while we're at it, don't look at me and tell me we're always out of everything. Clearly, if you notice, we've got a hundred thousand other items available for you to purchase, and you may need some. Like mouthwash, Mr. Stankbreath . If we were indeed out of everything, we wouldn't need cashiers to ring anyone out, stockpersons to restock other merchandise, and managers to oversee the employees. Your statement? Obviously invalid.

One last thing about this...if you're, like, the tenth person in the last hour to ask me if I can check to see if a specific item is in stock, and I can (instantly and without hesitation) tell you we're out of it, it's not because I don't want to check. It's because we're effin' out of it. And I'll gladly check the stockroom again. And the office. And the cooler. And the pharmacy. And the bathroom . And yep, it's still out of stock.

When four or five items (usually related) in a section are either marked down or on sale, that does not make the entire aisle marked down or on sale. Yes, I marked down four of the thirty colors in that particular brand of lipstick, but your shade isn't one of them, ma'am. And neither is the foundation made by that same company. And if you want a beauty tip, uhhh, they're not gonna help anyway.

This is one of my personal favorites...I'm here to answer your questions and offer assistance. What I'm not here to do is be your personal shopper. Don't walk five feet into the store, look up and around, do a 360, and ask me while I'm counting money if I can tell you where something is. The aisles are marked in a general way with what's in them. Use your sense of logic (I know, I'm asking a lot) and determine for yourself that the "tissues" are located in the aisle marked "paper products". It's a simple concept.

Along those same lines, don't tell me that you can never find anything when you make it obvious that you haven't been looking. Don't hand me your list and tell me to find everything for you. That's not customer service, that's slavery. Clearly, you found the beer in your fridge before you came out this afternoon, so maybe you can find your own hemorrhoid cream. And the excuse that we "moved everything around and changed everything"? That doesn't fly anymore. We did that over six months ago.

While it's hysterical for us to watch you try to reach something that's obviously too high for you to grab or too far back, what isn't so funny is having to fill out the paperwork when you slip and break your hip rather than asking one of us to help you. See, here's a secret: we know where the ladders and stepstools are. The bottom shelf, sadly, is not them. Conversely, the bottom shelf is not empty just because you're too lazy to bend down and get a product that was buried at the back of the shelf. True story: A very morbidly obese man once asked me if I could get him some Miracle Whip because the shelf was empty. Knowing I'd just filled it 15 minutes ago, I checked, and sure enough there was plenty there, just not at the front of the bottom shelf. Oh, and he wanted three of them. THREE!! I realize it's on sale and at a really good price at that, but maybe if you laid off the stuff a little, you'd be able to bend down and get it yourself.

OK I'm done. If I keep going, I might just explode. This is only a partial list of things I can't quite understand about people. And it's not just one particular group of people, mind you. These people come from all walks of life, every day. Maybe someone can explain to me just what it is that I'm not seeing.

MUSICAL BREAK!!

Hard to find are quality clips of this band on YouTube, but I've kinda finally managed to, although the audio and the video start to get a little out of sync. It's an epic performance of one of their early songs, and one of my personal favorites. It's got some personal meaning to it also. I encourage everyone more than ever to check this out...it starts slow, but stay with it. They played this song both times I've seen them live, and it's amazing. Shades of what was to come for this band, within this performance. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q_HBJ5sHcJU

VITAL STATS:

{STILL NO EFFIN' HOCKEY EMOTICON??} Let's turn on the Sabres game...Sabres and Islanders tied at 2 near the end of the second. The injuries this team have suffered are no joke, but let's not sugarcoat things...our expectations for this team may have been way too high considering the core of the team, and the honeymoon of new ownership that has promised to breathe new life (while untying the purse strings) into the franchise. Ownership has delivered...management, coaches and players have not.

Ok snow, we get it. Hahaha, yeah, we missed you, but you can stop now. Furrealz. Like, I'm done with you now.

Sylvester Stallone is coming to town soon. In what's billed as "An Evening With Academy Award Winner...". So, he sits on stage for a two hour interview about his life? Maybe does some candid one-man-acting of his famous bits? Ummm, no thanks. I don't need two hours of this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_wCGLufiaM

Well, I gotta go. Dinner time. While I'm not a fan of eating so late, I'll take some Applebee's takeout, when it's Provolone-stuffed Meatballs with Spinach Artichoke Dip. All good in this neighborhood, and here's hoping yours is all good too. Peace, and GOODNIGHT NOW!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&v=BWz8EjlyM4Q&NR=1