Who Do I Think I Am??

This one's about letting go...

Good evening...I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving/Black Friday/Cyber Monday holiday weekend. Mine was spent working long and early hours Thursday, Friday and Saturday, combined with arranging plans and get-togethers with family from out of town. I'm going to take a break from it all with a very special "ABC After-School Special" episode of "Who Do I Think I Am??" , where I shed some light on some of the household drama that came to a head this weekend (of all weekends).

A few months back we took in a friend of Jess the CWC's son (her name doesn't merit any more attention than she's getting from this as it is). She's had a rough life. Broken home, broken family, bouncing around from place to place because "no one's given her a chance" and "she has no place else to go". Being the good people we are, we rescued her from a bad situation...living with an abusive boyfriend with no place else to turn. Now, this is Jess' son's best friend. Of course we're going to try to help her. And everything started out fine....

She helped out around the house. She was, for the most part, considerate, and always polite and seemed to care for us. We did everything we could to help her as well. Her son set up shop in the basement so she could have his room. We made arrangements for her to have a job lined up. We let her use our vehicles so that it not only eased our burdens of driving each other around, but that so she could also see her friends. We were good people doing the right thing. We wanted to end the cycle of abuse and neglect in her life. We wanted to show her that things could be different...all these people that "didn't see the potential in her" and "turned their backs on her" were wrong, and that she could be a successful person. We afforded her every opportunity we could. Friends and family members were willing to step in and help. We were optimistic and hopeful.

And boy, could we have not been more wrong.

On day one, we stormed her apartment to make sure she was safe while gathering all of her belongings out of the shithole she was living in. "Squalor" might be a nice way of putting it. From that point on, she was done with this chubby, lazy, piece of shit scumbag kid she was shacking up with. She blocked him from Facebook, we got her on a cell phone plan that she could have a phone, there was to be no contact- nothing with him. This is her new life, and she was all in.

The next week, she seemed to sleep a lot. And she was sick. We all attributed it to stress and whatnot. Eventually she started to feel better. She was coming around, wanted to start seeing her friends, getting out and doing things...but couldn't manage to make the orientation sessions for the job we had lined up for her.

Soon after, she'd be gone entire weekends. No call, no info, nothing. We sat her down and explained, again, how things work in this house. We give a lot of leeway, as long as there's responsibility. She swore she wasn't hanging out with the douchebag ex, and that she was only going over to her friend's house, who was having lots of drama. Fine...but you're not taking a vehicle and you're not staying days at a time. And of course, she'd come home, apologize, and sleep most of the day.

Last week, she told us she'd be leaving for Arizona this week to take care of a sick relative. Mind you, very early on in all of this she had mentioned she had a friend in Arizona that she would like to visit, and that us giving her a place to stay was "temporary" at worst since she was going to AZ. Well, the friend bailed and that fell through. And after all of her instability, I think collectively most of us were ready to see if she was ready to care for a sick relative.

Then the shit really hit the fan.

After spending Thanksgiving with us at Jess' sister's house with all of her family, there was "more drama with her friend". This is after proclaiming that after spending last weekend with her friend, she wanted to spend time with us before she left for AZ because we had been so good to her. Fine. Do what you gotta do for your friend, who doesn't seem very stable. We let her know that we were planning on celebrating Jess' brother's birthday at their sister's house on Sunday, and we were gonna be there at 1pm to watch the Bills game, and to let us know if she needed a ride or if she'd be home. Easy enough, right? Pretty plain and simple.

Saturday comes and we're trying to plan all sorts of things with family in town. I got home after working 5:45am to 1:45pm and get to hear about all of this drama between this girl and Jess' son, about how we're "smothering" and all sorts of other things this girl's friend is saying. Let's just leave it as a Saturday of plans pretty muched ruined because this flippant twit can't keep her lies straight, and since she's been caught and can't talk her way out of anything, seems to want to let her friends start more shit.

In remembering some of the last conversations with us, Jess remembered that the girl was excited over the pictures she was posting on Facebook about how happy she was now and whatnot. So we decided to take a look. Sure enough, not only was she still talking to the ex (who not only commented on her pics), but they weren't blocked from each other like she said they were. Big lie right there. Then we decided to click on his page, which opened up everything for us.

His profile was very open...you could see everything. His profile pic was a very recent pic of the two of them. His page was littered with things the two of them (and friends) were doing...things she told us she wanted to do or would do, even though she swore she wasn't seeing him. Using perspective, this all made sense...she was everywhere he said he was. This girl was playing us. There is no "relative in Arizona". But there is an abusive boyfriend in South Buffalo that she's been seeing again and lying to us about. Oh, and there's plans to move back in with him. And his sister/her crazy friend. Oh, and he sells drugs too. Fantastic.

And that ties up all of the sickness and other issues of her flightiness and shit. She was in,in a bad way. Her sickness wasn't an illness that medicine couldn't treat...it was withdrawls from the pills and/or whatever else went on in his "4/20 friendly" environment. She's been fiending and recovering during the week, and using the weekends to get fucked up. And acting shady all along.

When we explained to Jess' son all that we found, he called her. Of course, she denied everything and acted like she didn't know anything that was going on. And, of course, the evidence dried up right after, because she knew she was caught and everything started disappearing from Facebook. If she was, in fact, leaving Wednesday, I wanted her out NOW. Not Wednesday, not tomorrow, but 15 minutes ago.

Sunday came and went with more celebrating with the family, and the situation had been adressed. We became the "bad guys" because we were just like everyone else that had turned their back on her. She ignored her selfishness and turned blame on us just to make herself feel better about how much hurt and pain she has caused for everyone, most importantly, the one person who stuck up for her (and had the most to lose), Jess' son. Finally putting 1+1+1 together, there is no way she wasn't abusing prescription meds. All of the signs have been there from day one. She doesn't need to be saved from her past...nor does she need to worry about her future. She needs to get the fuck out of the present, look at her life, and say, "I'm 19, I acknowledge everything that has happened to me, and I'm going to make it better" rather than her current attitude of "I was abused and neglected...I'm entitled to everything, you people are wrong and I don't know what you're talking about". But that's an addict's mind at work for ya.

And I'm not perfect by any means...I've had my missteps and I've seen it in others around me too. But you can't help someone if they don't want to help themself first. Not only now has she burned another bridge (and continued the cycle by labelling us as "people who turned their backs on her", while forgetting that we tried to help her as much as we could), but that comma was kinda unneccesary because I pretty much said it all between the parenthesis.

Now we move along to this morning. Jess' son is physically sick and in too much of a bad place about all of this to go to school. I don't blame him. I understand. He's debating on going to work. Honestly, I've been through a lot in life, but nothing quite like this. The best advice I can give him is to just go to work and focus on that...some of my best days at work have been when I'm not dwelling on something, because I'm more focused on the tasks at hand rather than what I'm dealing with outside of work. And that may work for some, but that's not always the case.

Luckily, I've had the day off and Jess had to work the night shift. The girl wanted to come tonight to pick up her shit, because we "don't want her around anymore <insert pity-face here>". And she's god-damned right. She finangled a way to get a car to come over early this afternoon to fetch most of her belongings, mainly because I didn't want to be the only real adult in the house when she came over...I have to be precautious. I don't need this twit stirring up more imaginary shit. I need a witness, so that she can't say "we did this" to her stuff, or "he did that to me". Fuck that; I don't play games when it comes to the security of this house and our family. I may bitch and moan at times, but I'm not gonna let this chick consume my thoughts and compromise my lifestyle any more than what she's done to all of us.

Unfortunately, the one thing I cannot control is my anger. Y'all know me as someone who's funny and peaceful and loves life, etc....but DON'T fuck with me, and don't fuck with my household. She came in to get her stuff, and Jess tried to talk to her and explain our point of view...and of course, she didn't understand. She had "no idea about where those Facebook posts came from" and tried to lie (again) her way out of everything. And I reached my limit. I tried staying out of it. And I snapped. I SNAPPED. Like I haven't snapped in a long time. I used the deep, demanding voice. I did, in fact, tell her to get her shit and get the fuck out of here. I told her I was sick of her bullshit and lies. I may have hit an octave I haven't hit since the 8th-grade chorus. And I was shaking. Uncontrollably. Like you shake when you're having a cigarette in 10 degree winds. Granted, I was drinking coffee and my nerves were peaked. But if I'm shaking that bad, I'm pissed. Hours later, after things had calmed down, I could feel the pain in both arms from being so tense. I get pains in my arm and leg muscles regularly (and I don't work out, so...), but I knew this was directly related to her being in the house and my snapping. I wasn't having any part of her try to explain everything away anymore and not put anything on herself. I was done.

Jess thinks at one point she flipped her off while she was walk-of-shaming her way out with her possessions. As she was telling me this and telling me to calm down, I told Jess to not even worry about it. She's a kid. She had a rough life, but she's acting like a 10-year-old who isn't getting her way, yet again, after ten years. We don't need that wonder, that frustration, that baggage, whatever. Not in our house. We all may be crazy, and we all may bicker once in awhile, and we won't always agree with one another, and whether the boys know it or not, the most predominant thing in this house is love. I'm not the perfect example. But I try, and I actually care about the people I live with. I'm going to do my best to see that they don't get harmed. I can only go by what I know, what I see and what they tell me, but if I see something, I hope those kids know I'mma say something, and they'll take it to heart. I realize I've been through a lot, and that sometimes it's easier to learn the hard way, but dammit, that's a hard way nobody needs to go through.

And I'm officially done talking about it...at least until Jess the CWC meets this girl's mother with the rest of the stuff she's left behind. That's a confrontation I wish I could be at, and while I don't like confrontation, I want a fly on the wall's perspective. She needs to rip this woman a bigger vagina than the one she's already getting from her lesbian lover (and another reason this kid doesn't get support and/or treatment that she needs).

THE MORAL TO THE STORY IS:

Parents, raise your kids through your own eyes, and through your actions. It is easy for me to say, because I don't have kids. But I do have a person that wants to spend a life with me that has them. And I'm not the perfect example. I make my share of mistakes. But this situation is what happens when you let tv and the internet teach your kids, rather than taking the time to be a parent to your kids. Other lives become affected out of your selfishness if you choose not to be dilligent with your parental responsibilities, and your child knows this. They take on your tendencies. Your traits become theirs. And you're not doing anything to make this world a better place, so they aren't as well. You make it all seem ok, and don't care when it's not. Own up to your responsibilities. This is just one of the reasons why I don't wanna have kids...when people like this have kids. And I want to be a better father than my father was to me, and I have the perfect woman to think that I might want to have a kid and be a father instead of just a dad.

MUSICAL BREAK:

I'm so worn out. Two songs that encapsule my point...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Ni8oFtgoAI&ob=av2e

That's good Canadian rock. I may talk shit about crazy Canadians who not only shop our stores on their Thanksgiving, but use ours as a reason to think that Christmas doesn't exist in Canada on our Thanksgiving by acting like they're so suprised we're open. Well no shit, the mall's open too...get your snacks and whatnot for Black Friday! Thanks for giving my store a reason to be open and not celebrate our holiday with our families...nobody from the US camps out on Canadian soil before their Thanksgiving in October and expects super deals. I won't apologize for my less-than-superior customer service when you tell me at 5pm that you're amazed we're open and you give me a dirty look when I say I wish we weren't. What the fuck would you have done thirty years ago when damn near everything was closed on holidays?

And that's a tangent well-served for another day.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sBZESy0H-40

All I'm gonna say is that this is where we're at. We did the best we could, while expecting she'd make progress. At least she could've thanked us for trying, and bringing her in. But that wasn't good enough for her. We gave her our home and all that it comes with. We gave her care and compassion. That wasn't enough. We provided opportunities from our friends and family...that wasn't good enough either. In the end, you can't help someone who doesn't want to help themself. You've messed with the good souls long enough. You've caused enough trouble to negate all of the good things you've done.

VITAL STATS:

None.

Between working this holiday and all, and not getting a chance to rest, I'm pretty ready to pass out. I didn't need to write this, but I had to, just to get it off my chest. I hope the next time your eyes meet this screen I'll have something of more hilarity for you to see. Til then friends, I'm gonna lay down in front of some Monday Night Football, stop justifying everything, not think about what we lost in trying to help someone, and get this place back to where it was pre-4"2' hurricane "Hood Rich". I don't ever want to exist in that bubble of false intentions again, and to the people that tried to help us out with her, I'm truly sorry. I didn't, and nobody saw it coming, (and this is all bad grammar) want it to end this way.

GOODNIGHT NOW!!

<insert funny cartoon that I can't think of right here because I'm too worn out to search for one, damn>