Lani's Blog

ADD, Serial Killers and Gertrude Stein

Everybody knows if you are too careful you are so occupied in being careful that you are sure to stumble over something.


-          Gertrude Stein





Gertrude Stein’s quote definitely applies to ADDers and serial killers. As I am not a serial killer, here is what it is like to have Attention Deficient Disorder in case you are wondering.





“Don’t do anything stupid. Don’t do anything stupid,” I muttered to myself. It was one in the morning and a cop in his patrol car sat opposite of me. The traffic light remained red as I continued to pray and wish otherwise. As a new driver and the grand old age of 18, I didn’t want to be caught making any rookie mistakes. My father and brother had filled my head with stories of what cops did with lone female drivers. I certainly didn’t want to get groped or worse or perhaps thrown into a cell with a tough woman named Butch. More seriously, I didn’t want to get a ticket and have to explain it to my dad.





All of this was flowing through my head and I was still chanting my manta when, to my horror, I found myself making a left turn on red. I couldn’t believe it. What possessed me?


Blue lights flashed into my rear view mirror. I sunk into my seat even as I looked for my insurance card and driver’s license.





“Ma’am, did you see that the light was red?” asked the officer.





This is the only time an 18 year old will ever be called, “Ma’am”.





“I’m sorry sir. I thought it was green.”





The cop looked at me long and hard. The sweat on the back of my neck turned cold. Finally he sighed and said, “I’m letting you off with a warning but,” and here his voice turned hard, “pay better attention. Good thing it’s so late or you could’ve killed someone or yourself.”





The breath I was holding escaped with a long sigh as I drove away. I’m not sure why the cop let me off with a warning. Maybe because he didn’t find any evidence of alcohol or drugs. It was 1 a.m. Maybe he didn’t want to be bothered. I dunno, but I am grateful.





And ADD sucks. I was paying attention. Almost too much attention if you ask Ms. Stein.





There is an old saying or proverb that says “God looks after children, old folks and fools.” I’m pretty sure I was somewhere between childish and foolish that night. Thanks God.








Lani