Who Do I Think I Am??

This is why customers shouldn't talk to me...

Good evening....

Two examples from the last two days about why I feel customers shouldn't talk to me:

EXHIBIT A:

So I'm cashing out customers at a back-up register (for those who don't know, I'm in a semi-management position at a very large pharmacy chain) when an older gentleman asks me for a raincheck on a product we're out of stock on. No problem, I think. Then somewhere, in his small-talk, says, "I don't care, I'm not paying for your Trojans."

Ummmm....Excuse me??

"Yeah, I'm not paying for your condoms." I shake my head as if my head isn't capable of shaking, look at him, and say, "Dude I've been with the same girl for 2-1/2 years. I don't need 'em."

[SIDEBAR: I said nothing while cashing him out at all about condoms. I do not know where this man, who came before me at his wife's behest looking for pink salmon in a can, got the idea I might be macking on anyone for prophylactics.]

He then decides to continue a conversation that I'm not interested in at 10am by telling me he doesn't even know how much they go for nowadays, and if I know the "going rate". To which I again repeated the headshaking answer, substituting "No idea man" for "I don't need 'em".

He walked away a little miffed. Sir, I'm sorry, but please don't initiate that kind of conversation with me if you're not going to like the results, regardless of your intent. Thank you, and good day.

EXHIBIT B:

I'm taking a short break in the office with two higher-ranking members of management, when the cashier pages for someone to take a customer service call (and I take the pity usually, because they usually deal with a lot of the crap I dealt with up above, only tenfold). The three of us are sitting there, all kinda WTF-ing it and comparing notes...I took the last call, one manager took the call before, and the other manager outranked us and wanted nothing to do with it. So I manned-up, or as I like to consider it, "India'd-up".

Yes, I adopted a fake name and an accent much like one you hear when dialing a big company's customer service line that outsources their "customer service operations" to places abroad. This sent the two other office occupants into separate fits of hysterics and wonderment.

She was looking for some dental product I had never heard of, so as I put her on hold with full confidence I would find what she was looking for, they asked me what it was. "Something something mouth rinse..." and as I walked away they told me what it was and where to find it, and sure enough I did. I came back, grabbed the call, grabbed my fake accent, and told her I had it and I'd hold it in the photo lab for her. I thankyoubyebye'd her in proper form and hung up. The laughter ensued. No matter what happened the rest of the day, it woulda been a good day anyway from that point on. And it was.

As I walk out of the office to put the product in photo, the tech wonders why I'm laughing as I'm telling him that a customer is coming in a half-hour to pick it up, but might be looking for a small Indian boy. I cop my accent again and say, "I do not know?". Wait a second...wait a second....and he busts out laughing cuz he gets the joke just before he realizes he does. Quality play on my part, I must say.

Oh, and when the customer came in to pick up her merch, she was totally confused, apparently. Saw her goods, said "I think you're holding this for me...", the tech gave it to her and cashed her out and she walked away puzzled. Again, please, don't talk to me.

UPDATE:

Yes!! A fantastic night at the Sabres game last night (my pics are on Facebook if you need to see them) with ridiculously awesome seats, and a big shutout win today. I could not be more happy for my favorite hockey team. And that sounds like a cheesy homer statement, which it is, but so what...it's been a long season and things are looking up, so mad love for the Sabres.

That's all I've got, or all I've got time for, as the CWC (Remember her? We'll still call her "Cute Walgreens Chick" for those that don't know her as "Jessica") was like "Oh, you're blogging? I'll leave you alone" and adopted a snotty tone like I was the bad cat that couldn't stay out of the garbage, when in fact I had managed to keep up an entire conversation with her the whole time and not get annoyed til she saw what I was doing. Then she sarcastically asked if I mentioned how much of a nagging bitch she was, in that kind of tone. To which I responded, "I will if you want me to." Please, don't talk to me.

That's it for tonight folks. More adventures planned for a welcomed day off tomorrow...including the possible purchase of Soundgarden's new live cd/dvd combo at, of all places, Borders.

I'm hoping this is on it...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f8nkHrv_4Mg

GOODNIGHT NOW!