The Fate of Grace

The Fate of Grace - Chapter 1

The Fate of Grace

Chapter 1

Here I am, laying in bed at 4am staring at the same ceiling I always stare at after the same recurring nightmare I've had since a child. It was another plane crash nightmare. They all seem a little different, yet the same haunting feeling after every one I have. It's always so graphic. Bodies everywhere, carnage, crying, screaming... yet I walk through the crash site unaffected by any of it. That's so unlike me in reality. I can't imagine if I ever saw any of that for real. I would be a basket case. In my dreams, though, I'm fearless. So, in essence they are nightmares, but at the same time a dream because I don't have to feel the pain and loss that I would normally feel in reality. That's a freedom I've never known. I've always been "different".

I've always written. It's my release. Like an emotional outlet to bleed those emotions, good or bad, onto paper and as of recently, a computer screen. It's like crying for me. Crying is also a tremendous release for me. If I can't cry, I harbor emotions. It's a cruel world for me. I think that's why I have few friends. I get hurt so easily by the silliest of things, but I can never let them go. My memory is such that they won't let me be. I wish I were stronger. I wish I were more resilient. In some situations I guess I am. Today I'm going to greet the world with my everyday happy face, although feeling a little distraught by the nightmare I had once again. I almost forgot it's only 4am. I would roll back over to sleep, but who knows what kind of dream I might wander into this time. I guess it's time to make some coffee and check the news. Time to start my day. I really do hate mornings, but hate nightmares more, so I will pick the lesser of two evils.
Grace rolls to her side only to see her cat Guen staring at her. She knows exactly what he wants. Food. Guen licks Grace's nose as she winces because his tongue is like sandpaper.

"Come on, boy. Let's get you some breakfast." Grace said to Guen.

She puts her feet on the floor and turns to her side as she looks out her window. Light rain is hitting the windowpane. She looks back toward the door and stands up. As she turns to get up, she sees a flash of lightning out of the corner of her eye that startles her. Grace continues toward the door as Guen runs out in anticipation of his morning ritual. She walks past the mirror in the hall and looks closely at her face. Her eyes are bloodshot from the lack of sleep she's had. She looks at the bags under her eyes and tries to adjust the skin slightly to make it not look so bad.

"Thank God for make-up" she says as she proceeds into the kitchen.

She turns on the TV on the kitchen counter as she prepares her coffee and pours food and water into Guen's bowls.

"Infomercials, great" she sighs as she flips through the channels.

She finds a news station that happens to be in the middle of a commercial. She settles into her chair at the table in her kitchen. She runs her hands through her hair to pull it away from her eyes and lays her head down onto her folded arms. As she is almost ready to drift back to sleep, she hears the "Breaking News" alarm on her TV. She looks up to see "Special Report" flashing along the middle of the screen in bold red letters.

"This is breaking news with anchor Richard Cormay. A tragedy has struck in the northeast region of the United States. A passenger jet carrying 181 people has gone down in Maine. The plane was en route from Chicago. The plane was reported having engine trouble and made a distress call. Officials say the plane has descended into a residential neighborhood. We have an anchor near the crash site. I'm going to turn it over to Jenna McLain."

"Hello, this is Jenna McLain reporting from the scene of a tragedy of epic proportion. As you can see in the distance smoke is still billowing out of what was a 757 jet. From what I'm being told, the plane was having difficulties and was going to attempt an emergency landing at a nearby airport, but was unable to make it. What's worse is it has descended into what was a densley populated area. We aren't sure of the casualties on the ground, but it is presumed everyone on the plane has perished."

The reporter's voice faded as Grace was fixated on the images in the background. She was remembering the nightmare she has had since she was a child. It was being played out in reality right now. It was like some kind of premonition, but one she had overplayed in her nightmares for years. She felt such a strong connection to that area, but knew no one in or near that area. Matter of fact, she had never been out of her own tri-state area of the midwest. She felt a sting in her heart and was almost in tears herself thinking of the enormous loss of life, but even more felt like a small part of her had died as well. This was only a feeling she had every once in awhile. Normally when it had to do with someone she knew. She was always a strong reader of emotions, but that was her little secret. One that she didn't openly admit to because she felt awkard enough as it was. To everyone else it would seem impossible, but to her it was very real.
Grace almost jumped out of her chair as she heard her phone ring. It was only 4:30am. Who on earth would be calling this early? She gathered her senses about her and shuffled to the phone.

"Hello"? She said.

She could hear sobbing in the background as her mother's voice came through finally.

"Grace!" is all she heard through the wailing as her mother was obviously trying to say something, but was unable to speak clearly.

"Mom! What is it? Are you ok? Is Dad ok? Mom?" She heard the phone click as if it were dropped and another voice sounded over the phone.

"Grace, this is David. Dad is gone."

"What do you mean, gone? As in missing?"

"No, Grace. Dad has died."

She held the phone to her chest as she slumped to the floor in tears. She could hear her brother's voice calling her name, but was unable to speak right away.

"Grace? Are you there? Grace, answer me, please."

She placed the phone on her shoulder as she said, "Yes, I'm here. What happened?"

"Dad was on a flight this morning that has crashed in Maine. We haven't heard anything from him, but the airline isn't giving much information and authorities say there is no way anyone could've survived."

"Where was he going??? He never told me he was going out of town!"

"He was going on a red-eye flight up to Maine and was to return the same day. He was going to some mission meeting for the church. I'm guessing he didn't want anyone to worry about him, so he told mom not to say he was going anywhere."

"I don't understand, I mean.. What? Why?"

"I'm not sure of all of the details, yet, but mom is a mess. You need to come here right now. She hasn't called anyone else, yet. We need you, Grace."
"I'm.. I'm on my way."

She stammered to her feet and felt a rush of emotions hit her as she was knocked back onto the floor. Childhood memories started to flood her mind. How could this happen? Dad never flew. What posessed him to fly out and not tell me? Why would he not tell me he was going anywhere. Pain had transitioned into anger as she felt terrible for being mad at him. Her father was her best friend. The only other person on earth she felt really understood her. An overwhelming sense of loneliness washed over her. "I can't be this way. I have to be strong for my family" she said. Like turning off a light switch, the tears stopped flowing and she was ready to face the rest of the family. She walked slowly down the hall with a stone-like face. She turned to the hall mirror and saw a flicker in her eye. The sun must be trying to peek through. It was too early for that, though. It was still dark outside. She made it to her bedroom and in a robotic fashion, put on her clothes and shoes and headed out the door.

The rain was still falling, but the winds were picking up a little. Flashes of lightning were all around. Her normal fear of storms had completely faded as she walked slowly to her car, completely unaware of how wet she was getting in the rain. She turned the key and heard the engine hum. The radio was playing, but nothing made sense to her now, including the song on the radio she had heard a millions times. She turned it off in disgust. This was when she felt worst of herself. Her ability to shut off her own emotions was uncanny, but she knew the kind of atmosphere she was walking into when she finally saw her mother. The emotions would be too much to bear for her. She knew this. Grace felt everything around her. Emotions of every kind. Even from perfect strangers. She could see it all so well as if it were the shirt they were wearing or the color of their eyes. Emotions were almost tangible to her. She was an empath.
She pulled into the driveway of her mother's house. The lights were on in the living room and she could see her mom pacing and her brother comforting her. She sat there for a minute. Took a deep breath and proceeded to get out of the car and walk toward the walkway to the house. It was 5:30am now. She didn't realize the time that had passed. It's almost like time sped up on her without warning. As she looked into the yard, she could see impressions of her childhood everywhere. This was the house she grew up in. This was the house that she discovered all of her emotional quirks. This was also the house that her father taught her that being the "way she is" isn't a bad thing, no matter how bad it made her feel at times.

She walked into the house and looked at her brother. She looked to the couch to see her mother hugging a pillow.

"Where's Brad", Grace asked.

"He's on his way here now." answered Grace's brother David. He was normally very jovial. The joker of the family. His look is that of a man who just realized his role in the family now.

Brad was Grace's oldest brother. He was the executive of the family. David was more the normal blue collar guy.

"Where is Rachel and the kids?"

"They're at home. I'm not ready for the questions they're going to have about Grampa right now. Rachel is calling her side of the family and making arrangements for the kids to stay with her parents for a few days while we figure this all out".

"Oh."

That's all Grace could muster as she sat down next to her mother to offer her comfort.

"You, Gracie... you're just like your father. You were the glimmer in his eye. He loved you like no other." Gracie's mother said as she stared at her so tenderly.

The emotions started to build up again and Grace couldn't help but to cry. She looked around at the pictures on the walls of the family. So happy. So invincible. The next couple of weeks were going to be long. Grace knew this. All she could concentrate on was keeping all the emotions she was feeling at bay. This was not the time to lose herself. She had to be strong. Forced to be strong.

She then started her secret ritual. She said in her mind, "Please take the sorrow from those around me and give it to me so they may be strong in the long days ahead." She felt a tug in her heart as she felt emotions flood in. All she could think to herself was "Oh mom, I know he was your soul mate. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. David, I know you and Dad had your differences, but this wasn't in your control. Nothing couldn't stopped this."

As if cloud had been lifted from the room, her mother looked up and sat the pillow down on the couch and said "I guess I should start calling the rest of the family".

"Mom, are you sure you can do this right now? I can.." said David as he was softly interrupted by his mother.

"No, sweetie. I have to do this. Let's try to get through this."

"Mom, are you posi.."

"Yes, David. Just stay here with me, ok?"

"I'm not going anywhere and I'm sure Grace isn't either. Grace? Where did she go?"

"I'm not sure. Her car is still out front." said Grace's mother as she looked around for her.

David could hear the sound of heaving from the bathroom.

"Grace, are you ok?" Grace heard her brother's voice as she held the porcelain as if it were the only thing holding her to the earth.

In a very weak voice he hears "Yes, I'll be ok. I just need some time to myself."

"Ok. I'll leave you alone, but I'm going to check on you ok?"

"Thank you, David." Grace said, trying her hardest to sound ok.

Grace had done it. She did what she always did. She absorbed all of the, or most of the negative emotions like a siphon and taken them all on herself. She was so overcome that it made her physically sick. Since she was nowhere that she could write and knowing that her crying would only make things harder on her family, she took it on physically. She was on the floor, nestled closely to the toilet and with every wave of emotion, she threw up. Almost as if it were bursting out of her violently. She stood up and looked at her very pale face in the mirror. Her eyes looked sunken in. She was getting dehydrated and splashed water on her face. The glimmer in her eye was still there. She looked around for a light source that would cause it to appear, but was unable to find one. She had to be seeing things. It was most likely from the swelling of her eyes from crying and heaving.

Journal Entry:
The last few weeks have been a nightmare. With the loss of my father, I have never felt so alone. The funeral was nice. I never realized how many friends my father had. He was so well loved. I loved him dearly. I will miss him as I would miss a part of myself. The days of mutual understanding is over. It's done. I'm the only one "like me" on this earth anymore. I have to do something. I need to start my life over again. This town is too much of a reminder of everything. For my own well-being, I have to get away.

She was right. She wasn't running away. She was saving her own life. Over a period of time, the constant flooding over of emotions would surely send her into a life of unending pain. There was no one there now to take her painful emotions away. Her father was her "siphon". She no longer had that. Her foundation had been completely shaken and the only thing to do now is try to move on.