Complex Numbers

Doomsday

Say what you want about being single, but I'm going to say this:

Having nothing to be pressured into doing on Valentine's Day (VD) is a major, major relief.

The crap I said in last week's Comedy newsletter aside, sometimes I think VD was invented by some misandrist woman who is probably chuckling in her grave over the crap we XYs have to go through on VD.

It's like this: I've never, not even once, been involved with a woman who appreciated VD. And contrary to popular belief, I've dated a few women.

And yet, almost every year, one of two things happens:

Either 1) I do the roses, chocolate, and dinner out thing, or 2) I get broken up with just before my birthday, which is four days from now.

Look... girls... it's like this: If you're into VD, just frakking SAY SO. Don't pretend you're not just to see whether we're committed enough to do something ANYway, because men are a lot simpler than that. "Don't get me anything for VD" means, to us, "Don't get me anything for VD." End of line.

If you ARE into it, that's cool. I can do the flowers thing. I'd rather make you a nice home-cooked meal, but even there you won't be going out while some of your friends certainly will, so there's a dilemma too: Do something from my heart, based on a skill I actually have (cooking) or do something to conform with your friends so you can talk to them about it the next day. And going out always involves overpriced, lousy food and crappy service, when we could just as easily go out on another night and have a great time.

The whole thing sucks, for us. Sucks. And don't give me the "You'll get yours on Steak and Blowjob Day (March 14)," either, because I don't want anything for S&BJD (or wait - yes, I do; I'm just not going to TELL you and let you figure it out for yourself when I'm lying on the couch pointing at it with a big grin on my face).

I know it sounds like I'm ragging on women, here, and I'm sorry if it seems that way. It's not my intent. It's only Valentine's Day that's the target of my angst this night. I guess VD brings out the worst in all of us.

So, yeah. Glad I've got no pressure, for once, this year. I'm just going to go over to my friend Nicole's house; she's ordered some takeout and we're going to watch some anime with her kid.

Wait... Oh, shit... am I supposed to bring chocolate?