Believe

Chapter Nine of Believe: Blooming Love

From that moment on Euan and I did all of our homework together. Actually, after that, Euan and I did almost everything together. I started to see more of him then of Matt, I was also starting to regret going with Matt to the dance. Euan already had a date though, so I guess I couldn’t have exactly gone with him, no matter how much I wanted to.


         There was a week until the Winter Formal. My friends and I had gone to the same café Matt and I had been in on our first date. We were sitting around the rounded table talking about our dates when I realized that I had no clue who Melissa’s date was. 


         “Missy…who are you going with?” I asked lightly. I had been getting along better with her, but she still got on my nerves.


         “Oh, he hasn’t told you?” Melissa looked at me as she began to smile victoriously. “He said he wanted to tell you. I am going with Euan.”


         At first I was lost for words. I felt as if someone had sucker punched me in the stomach. I felt pure and utter disappointment and almost felt like crying. I calmed myself down enough to say, “oh.”


         The girls didn’t stay long after that. I got up and left with them, getting into my dad’s truck. It was nice to be in it for once, usually my mom took it to work. I drove home, trying not to think. What had I honestly expected?


         





“Come on Gabriella, you guys are friends.” Euan teased. As soon as I got home, Euan could tell I was upset. It had been tricky to try and tell him I was upset about him and Melissa without letting him know I liked him.


         “Not exactly.” I mumbled. I didn’t really want Euan to hear the disappointment in my voice, I had made my choice.


         “Well, don’t worry about it. It’s just a dance. Let’s get our homework done. I have a date with Melissa tonight, so we need to end early.” I rolled my eyes and tried yet again to stifle my disappointment.


         “So, where are you guys going for your date?” I asked lightly. I was determined to at least be Euan’s friend. I didn’t want him out of my life.


         “Oh, actually she is just coming over here. My grandparents are old fashioned. They don’t want me to go to a dance without knowing the girl I am taking.” I quickly hid my horrified look at Euan’s reply. Melissa was coming to dinner. That meant she would be here, with Euan, and I would have to watch him with another girl. It was the ultimate form of torture. It wasn’t until then that I realized how much I actually liked Euan. He was everything Matt wasn’t. He was funny, nice, and he actually listened to what I had to say. How could I have been so stupid?


         “Oh, that will be…nice.” I managed to get out. “I think your English paper is good. I am going to go to my room.”


         I got quickly up from the dining room table, not wanting to talk to Euan anymore than that. I felt pain puncture my heart. I almost couldn’t breathe. The thought of Melissa and Euan together almost sickened me. I wanted to be with Euan, not Matt and nothing made it more obvious than Euan dating Melissa.


         


         I busied myself around my room, cleaning and reading, doing anything that would stop me from thinking. My stomach dropped as I heard Eleanor call me for dinner. I trudged down the stairs slowly, dreading this dinner more than any dinner before. I walked slowly down the stairs and into the dining room and I was greeted with quite a sight. Melissa sat next to Euan, as close as she possibly could. It almost looked as if she was sitting on top of his lap. She wore a bright, flashy silver top and long earrings with her hair pulled back slightly. She was wearing ample amounts of make-up and had not forgotten her handy dandy lip gloss. I rolled my eyes as I took my seat, hearing her laughing dumbly at something Euan had just said.


         I looked at my mother, who was seat across from them. She was wearing her best news anchor smile on her face, but her eyes were searching the couple. Eleanor and Wallace did not seem to mind. They went along with their dinner routine as usual, barely even noticing Melissa. She kept smiling at me across the table. I tried my hardest not to say a word during dinner. Everything was going fine until Melissa broke the unspoken taboo.


         “So…how is Matt? Are you guys excited for the dance or…has he not asked you yet.” Melissa faked a sad face and then laughed at her own joke. I had forgotten I hadn’t told Melissa about Matt asking me. Everyone else at the table had fallen silent and was now staring at me. I thought for a second, not wanting to anger anyone at the table.


         “He has asked me,” I said slowly. “He is doing well.”


         “Really? I heard you guys haven’t been talking much recently.” Melissa looked around, expecting to get a reaction out of someone at the table. I watched her face as she realized that no one else was talking.


         “Um, no. We haven’t talked much recently, but things are fine. Thank you for asking.” I slowly got up from the table. “Thank you for the dinner Eleanor, it was delicious. Melissa, I suppose I will see you at school.”


         I glanced over my shoulder as I walked toward the kitchen. For the first time in my life, I saw Melissa looking uncomfortable and I viciously wished I had a camera. I walked into the kitchen and as I washed my plate alone in the sink, I started to feel totally heartbroken. Things had not changed recently, not really. Sure, I was not in the place my dad had died and I was talking more. I was miserable, but it was just a different miserable than I had been before. My food hadn’t tasted as good as it normally did tonight and as I sat there watching Euan giving small, secretive smiles to Melissa, I began to feel sick and depressed. It was almost like I was slowly being tortured, and there was no way out.


         My victory was a small one compared to what Melissa had just won, she had Euan…I had creepy Matt. I sighed as I dried my hands off. I missed my dad. I had always gone to him when I had problems like the one I was having now. He had always helped me through every tough time. I felt tears well in my eyes and quickly swallowed them down as I passed through the dining room. Everyone was laughing and talking and I instantly felt like I was missing out on something.


         As soon as I got to the parlor the tears began to fall freely down my checks. I didn’t want to go to my bedroom, instead I thought a movie could cure my tears. I walked into the living room, but as soon as I got there I could no longer contain myself. I sat down on the couch, put my head in my hands and cried. I heard the front door open and close and people talking. I tried to quiet my tears with a blanket, afraid someone would come in.


         I heard someone open the door and come into the room; it was not until I felt a warm, tingling hand on my back that I looked up. I knew I must look awful. I had worn mascara and I was positive it was running down my face. I met Euan’s concerned eyes and quickly tried to scrub away the mascara marks.


         “What?” I said, my voice thick with tears. “Please, I just need to be left alone.”


         “No you don’t.” Euan’s voice was soft, but commanding. “No one needs to be left alone. What’s wrong?”


         I looked up at him, wondering what to say. Should I tell him? I had never told anyone, should I risk it? It was either tell him and maybe feel a little better or not tell him and loose another friend. I opened my mouth, but no words came out. Tears fell down my face again and I gave up.


         “I…I…oh this is going to sound so stupid…I miss my dad.”I sobbed and put my head back into my hands again. I felt like my heart was at the bottom of my chest. I was so depressed, I had kept it in for so long and now I couldn’t stop it.


         “That’s not stupid. Gabriella?” I felt Euan’s hand against my face. “You lost your dad, you should feel sad. I know I did, I cried for weeks.”


         “I just…I don’t know what to do without him. I have no one to talk to, no one that can help me work out my problems. I use to hear my mom cry every night, I had to listen to her cry and I knew I couldn’t cry because then she would have to deal with me on top of what she was feeling.” My tears seemed to have gained new force and were traveling down my checks and onto my hands.


         “Wait, do you mean you haven’t cried since your dad died?” Euan asked and held my face. He turned it so I could look at him, but I couldn’t look him in the eyes. I felt so embarrassed. I tried to turn away, so he would not have to see my blotchy face, but he held me firmly.


         “I mean, I have cried, but only when I am alone.” I sobbed, feeling even dumber for letting Euan see me cry. I had not even let my best friend, Hannah, see me cry at home.


         “Oh. Oh, Gabriella.” Euan pulled me into a hug. I had not strength left to fight. I just let him hold me there, and for once I felt completely safe. I cried until I couldn’t cry anymore and for a minute I just laid against Euan. It was a comforting feeling. I felt tingles warming my body and felt like nothing in the world could bother me. For once I seemed to be…peaceful.


         “Feel better?” I sat up as Euan asked me his question. I nodded and he smiled at me. His smile was comforting, not mocking or rude like I thought it would be.


         “I’m…I’m sorry.” I hurriedly brushed the remaining tears from my eyes again, feeling embarrassed. I sat up quickly, not wanting to be against his chest anymore. It wasn’t appropriate. “I shouldn’t have…I am sorry.”


         Euan leaned in close to me, until our heads were about two inches apart. His eyes flickered from my lips and then back up to my eyes. I wondered what he was thinking, but being so close to him made me dizzy. He smelled wonderful, some sort of mix


ture of men’s cologne and something I couldn’t figure out.


         “Listen Gabriella,” Euan said slowly. “I am here to help you, from now on. I am sorry for the way I behaved for the first couple months. I just didn’t know how to react to you. You…confuse me. You’re not like any other girl I have ever met. At first I didn’t think we should even be friends, but slowly I couldn’t stand not talking to you. It was all I could think about it, and the day when you walked out of the closet, I felt completely lost. I have finally come to my senses and I have decided I will be whatever you need me to be and right now you needed someone to help you. So, I am more than happy to help you. I just hope you can feel a little better now. I will always be here for you Gabriella, always.”


         He pulled away from me and I sat, dumbly, trying to figure out what he had just said. I was still trying to process it when Euan got off the couch and popped in a movie. He smiled at me as he sat down and I slowly turned to face the television, not knowing what to say. The beginning credits had just begun to roll when I finally came to my senses.


         “Euan…I…” I trailed off, not really knowing what to say.


         “Don’t worry about it Gabriella. Just relax and watch the movie.”





         


         Before I knew it, the day if the dance had arrived, and I was less excited than I thought I should be. I spent most of the Saturday morning talking to Eleanor, who had become a lot friendlier since Euan and I had started talking again, and looking out the window hoping for snow. I hated looking out at all the dead grass and trees; I wanted them to be covered with snow. It had always been my favorite part about winter; I always imagined I was in a fairyland or something.


         I got my wish around noon. The snow started falling heavily and I quickly dressed and went outside. It seemed like in no time the ground was covered with light snow and I looked around happily at everything. I felt like nothing could possible go wrong, but then I felt something hit the middle of my back and I turned quickly around to see what had happen.


         Euan was standing about ten feet away from me, bending down to make another snowball. I bent down quickly and made one to throw at him. It smacked him in his shoulder. Euan looked up and smiled at me, I felt a thrill move down my spine.


         We started a snowball war that lasted for about twenty minutes. Euan had started moving in closer to fire the snowballs. I was basically just throwing as much snow as I could get at him. When he was about two feet away I turned and ran around the side of the house and hid behind the corner with a snowball. I was hoping the Euan would come around looking for me and I could ambush him.


         To my luck he did and I threw it at him. It took him by surprise and when he turned to look at me I started running again. Unfortunately for me, he had longer legs and could run faster. He caught up to me quickly and then tackled me around the waist. We both fell to the ground, laughing hysterically.


          I was on my back looking up at Euan who had one arm around my waist and the other underneath his chest. Euan stopped laughing and I followed soon after. I looked at Euan and smiled slightly. He had bits of snow laced throughout his hair and his cheeks were red from running. I could feel the snow melting into my clothes, but I felt extremely warm. The tingling had already starting and was moving up my torso. I suddenly felt the insane urge to reach out and touch his face, just to see how he would react.


         I was distracted from that thought when I noticed Euan was coming closer. He was staring at me intently. He moved closer and closer to my face and I felt my heart double its pace. Then for a moment, just a moment I could have sworn that he was going to kiss me. I couldn’t concentrate properly; all I became aware of was Euan. Then…


         “Gabby? Gabby! It’s time to come in, you need to get ready!” Both Euan and I jumped as my mom’s voice sounded from the front of the house. We scooted away from each other quickly, both of us embarrassed.


         “I guess I’ll see you a little later then,” Euan said looking down at his feet.


         “Yeah, I guess. Um…bye,” I started walking toward the house. My heart was still racing and I was sure the flush on my checks had nothing to do with the cold. I vaguely noticed that the snow had stopped and that my mom was waiting impatiently on the front porch.  I was wishing more than anything that my mom had not interrupted whatever had happen between Euan and me. I wish I had known what he was thinking, was he really about to kiss me? I felt a thrill at the thought of him kissing me, why had I never felt like this about Matt? If this didn’t send out a clear signal of who I liked better, I didn’t know what would. Maybe I would be the one dumping someone tonight.