"Her"

Knowing

"You knew this whole time I'd be moving. That the new apartment was as good as mine. Even though I doubted and worried, you knew."

Why are you so surprised? Knowing things is business as usual for me. She points out. And she's right. When I know for certain she's right, and I know she's not teasing or challenging me, there's no way she can be wrong. She's proven it time and time again. And today she's proven it just for the hell of it.

"Thanks. If I hadn't listened to you, I would have never gone after it."

I'm glad you did. You're not as afraid as you used to be. You're stronger in every way. Last year, you would have assumed you weren't good enough for a better place, and wouldn't have applied. I'm glad you followed through. She gives me a satisfied smile and strokes my hair slightly. I wrinkle my nose slightly, but I'm only joking with my expression. You need to stop slacking during your workouts, though. You've been slacking off. Don't deny it!

"I don't deny it. The more physically fit I get, the closer I'll get to meeting someone worthwhile."

Holding out for another fashion model? I pray you keep in mind the old adage 'Beauty Is Only Skin Deep'.

"I don't think that's an accurate saying. I think that truely beautiful people are beautiful inside and out. You can look at someone like that and tell. I'm not looking for a fashion model who looks pretty, but is either hollow or rotting on the inside. I want someone so beautiful, she's glowing on the inside. I want a woman so beautiful, her smile alone can make me dizzy and forget my own name. That's the kind of beauty I'm looking for."

She sighs at me in a bored way. Why don't you want to be like everyone else and get what you can? Things would be a whole lot easier that way.

"Easy in the short term, maybe. But I would eventually be miserable in the long run. If I settled for someone like B, who will attach herself to whoever gives her attention, I'd be miserable...for all the reasons I've listed before. If pursued R again, I'd get fed up with her drinking and slacking off. And I'm not looking for someone I can change, or mold into something I want. But I do want someone I can feel comfortable with. I don't want a lap dog, a follower, or a pet project. I want a good partner."

That's asking a lot. I frown, but she just laughs. It's a lot, but it's not impossible.