"Her"

Miss B II

So after all that intellectualizing and waxing poetic about how you would never do anything with her, you actually went through with it, huh?

I look at her. She looks smug today. I hate it when she looks at me like that. "You act like I slept with her."

I wonder why you didn't. She was practically begging for it. And all you managed to do was snuggle close to her and get her hot and bothered with a few pieces of chocolate.

I shrug. "I know I'll only sleep with her once. And she wants more than that. I don't see any kind of future with her. Can you imagine me, raising someone's kids? No freaking way. I don't love B. I never have." I take a sip of water. "I'll break her heart if I sleep with her. You know that, and you're okay with me getting closer to her?"

My opinion doesn't matter. I'm just a listening ear. She says demurely.

"You're a listening ear with a mouth!" I say with a brash laugh. "But seriously. What is the point of getting involved with someone who I have no interest in being with in the long run?"

She leans towards me and whispers, Sex is a very fun short term solution.

I swallow hard. "Sex isn't that important."

She raises an eyebrow at me. Really? I thought you were past lying to me.

"I am definitely attracted. It's hard keeping my hands off of her when we're together. But I don't want to hurt anyone."

Apparently you've hurt some very good friends of yours in the past few months. What were their names again?

"Stop it. They hurt me first."

So why didn't you kiss and make up? Too tired? And now you feel guilty.

"I don't feel guilty. I just regret the whole situtation. I didn't like having to chose between my future and my past. I really didn't. But the choice has been made. And now the possibilities are endless for me now."

Ah. I see. A backtracker you are not, no?

I lift a corner of my mouth ironically. "Your accent needs work."

She chuckles. I did warn you that this year you would have a tremendous amount of climbing to do.

"Warn? It was more like encouragement."

She laughs again and looks skyward. That's all the same to me. So when are you going to break down and ravage this girl who's been pining after you for years on end?

"I don't want to."

That's a lie. You want to. You just don't want to deal with the fallout that will happen after the fact.

"Who would? She'd probably slashmy tires or something. And then she'd hate me. I have enough people who don't understand me, wouldn't give a shit if I died, or who would laugh if they knew half my life story, but I don't need anyone to hate me. Especially if I deserve it."

Honorable to the very end. I always wondered what you would do in this sitatuation. Would you go for the quick fix, or would you stay true to what you really need? I'm still wondering about that.

"You know what the scary thing is? I'm wondering about that too."