Hey, life? Are you kidding me?

Lost in Oklahoma

It seems I always have a confessions. So here goes - I had a blonde moment today, well actually several moments, and you know I really don't like to call them blonde moments because some day I might dye my hair red and I'm pretty sure they are still going to happen to me. Let's call them "cartoon moments", shall we? Because my life is one big comic strip.

Well, I went out walking today. First off, I got through half a song and my mp3 player's battery runs out. (Yes, I"m not cool enough for a grown up ipod). Anyway that sucks right? You have on headphones and have no tunes to do a walk you haven't learned to love yet.

To continue on . . . I decided to change up my walking pattern. Ok, you caught me. Honestly, I haven't been doing this long enough to have a "pattern", but here's the deal. Whoever said Oklahoma was flat has never been in my neighborhood. We have more hills than my butt has cellulite. Anyway, I was trying to avoid the hills, well because they hurt and i had my fit flops on (great shoes, by the way - - LOVE THEM! a must have). Therefore, whenever I saw a semi-flat road I took it. You are probably seeing where I'm going with this. I'm about halfway through my walk and I have to pee. I realize I should head home, because I don't know people well enough in my neighborhood to ask to use their potty.

As I look around, it occurs to me that I don't know where the hell I am. I begin walking looking for familarities. Well, the only thing my neighborhood has more of then hills is identical trees. I walk and walk and walk. By this point I'm quite sure I'm going to die by bladder explosion.

Finally, I see an elderly gentleman outside measuring something. My first thought instead of "Hallejah!" was "what the heck do people measure outside?" I tell you i'm very random and obviously not a gardener. This is basically the conversation:

Me: Sir, could you tell me how to get to Plumb Dr.?

Man: Oh, are you looking for someone?

Me: Hmmmmm.... well, I'm looking for Plumb Dr..

Man: I'm sorry I don't know the names of the streets, but I do know quite a few of the people. Maybe if you tell me the last name.

Awkward pause . . .

Me: Actually, it's my house. I've just been walking and forgot to pull my head out of my butt.

Man (stunned silence that i just said that followed by forced chuckle): Are you sure it's Plumb Dr. All the streets in this neighborhood are named after men.

Twilight zone music.

Me: I'm pretty sure I still remember my address. Am I in Willow Wind edition?

Man: Ahhhh, no. This is Nantucket. No wonder I haven't met you. I like to get to know my neighbors.

Me: Well, thank you anyway. (I'm doing the pee pee dance by this point)

Man: Wait, I have a gps I could drive you home.

Very long pause, not because I'm scared to get in the car with this man. I"m pretty sure I could take him down if i needed to. but I'm supposed to do 5 more minutes of walking. My bladder wins the debate though.

Me: That would be wonderful, if it's not too much trouble.

So we get in his care, AFTER he explains to his wife that I don't know where my own house is. I think him kindly as I'm praying I don't pee in his car.

Man: What a beautiful lawn you have!

I can't help it I laugh - I know nothing about lawns, flowers, trees, etc. And then I run in to relieve my crying bladder. As I pass the mirror I realize I've had my headphones on this whole journey with no music playing from them. I absolutely rock!