Lani's Blog

Captivating

That Girl





I want to be that girl.


The one who’s free


in words and spirit.








The one who said,


“I love you,”


without hesitation.





I want to dance


like a ballerina


twirling my skirt.





I want to be that girl,


the one who lives behind my mask


that hides her beauty.





The one not tied


by fear and  anxiety,


but the one who is lovely and free.





Please God,


I want to live and love


with my whole heart.

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I wrote this after I reread a fascinating book by John and Stasi Eldredge. Captivating is about the spiritual woman's journey and place in this world. However, it's not the usual Christian bullshit about making babies and walking two steps behind your husband. Did you know that Eve was made last of all of Creation, making her the pinnacle of Creation not an after thought. She is Beauty and the Giver of Life. She is the Help mate and Completer of Man.  She is other side of God making a whole picture when the Bible says that "we are made in His Image."





Lest we get a big head, she was the the first deceived by Satan. Satan is also called Lucifer or Son of the Morning. It infers a glory, a brightness or a radiance unique to him, but he fell because of pride in his beauty. Now he hates Creation's Beauty and Eve because she is the incarnation of the Beauty of God.





John and Stasi talk about the three things that every woman's heart cries out for.

1. Romance and Relationships

Women are relationship oriented there is no doubt about that. But so is God. We talk about having a relationship with Jesus after we are saved. We spend one on one time with Him in prayer. We talk, argue, laugh, cry and He is real. Women reflect this quality of the importance relationship to God. And God pursues us. "I have loved you with and everlasting love"(Jer. 31:3) Who wouldn't want to hear those words from a lover? And God said them to us because He "yearns to share beauty, intimacy and adventure with us," as John and Stasi write.

2. An Adventure to Share

God looked around the Garden of Eden and said "It was not good for Man to be alone." Wow. New world, new Man, no sin and it"s not perfect yet without Woman. So God creates Eve and calls her "ezer kenegdo". They did not translate it as the predictable "helpmeet" or "companion" they found Hebrew scholar Robert Alter who spent twenty years translating Genesis. He says a better translation of ezer is "lifesaver" and kenegdo as alongside or opposite or counterpart.





The mission before the Fall was to "Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and conquer it, and hold sway over the fish of the sea and the fowl of the heavens and every beast that crawls on the earth."(Gen. 1:26-28) Now in the Fallen world, life is harder, dirtier, lonelier. God wants to be our ezer: our lifesaver, our essential companion. He is not Santa Claus or the Great Waiter. Women want to help. It's in the DNA of our souls.We are not 'in the way' or to be humored. We are not dolls on a shelf or one of the guys. We want to share a life together, an adventure. This desire is a pure reflection of the heart of God.

3. A Beauty to Unveil

John and Stasi write that Beauty is essential to God because Beauty is the essence of God. They say we know this because of nature. Nature is not primarily functional. It is primarily beautiful they contend. And its true. What is the purpose of a beautiful sunset? God could have made the world a Pleasantville   movie set and we would have never had know the difference. Beauty inspires, comforts, invites, transcends. Beauty says that all will be well. They continue to say that the deepest ways a woman bears the image of God is in her mystery. The mystery of "something to be explored." God wants to be known. "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart."(Jer. 29:13) The Eldredges write: "If you want to know him you love him; you must seek him with your whole heart. This is crucial to any woman's soul, not to mention her sexuality. 'You cannot simply have me. You must seek me, purse me. I won't let you in unless I know you love me.' "





These passages answered so many questions for me.





I've never considered myself beautiful. I look a pictures and wonder what others see. There is one though. My husband to be took when we were hiking the Pali trail on Oahu. I am radiant because I am pursing a right relationship with God and my new fiance is pursing me. I am sitting a rock beside some water. I turn at just the right moment for him to capture the light and love that shines in my eyes. I wrote the above poem thinking about that time and how to find that right relationship with God again and with my husband.





Disclaimers





John and Stasi wrote these disclaimers:


"We did not say that a woman is prized only for her good looks. We did not say a woman is here merely to complete a man, and therefore a single woman is somehow missing her destiny. What we said was, first, that Eve was the crown of creation. There is something uniquely magnificent and powerful about a woman. We tried to reveal the immeasurable dignity, the holiness of your feminine heart by showing that it is God who longs for Romance; its God who longs to be our ezer; it is God who reveals beauty as essential to life. You are the image bearer of this God that is why you long for those things too."





I have read this many times and listened to the iTunes version. It has given me insight and helped me heal some of the feminine parts of my soul. I think the most significant insight came from the passage:"All women are not mothers but all women are called "to mother." To mother is to nurture, to train, to educate, to rear. As daughters of Eve, all women are uniquely gifted to hep others in their lives to become more of who they truly are - to encourage, to nurture and mother them toward their true selves." This passage has helped take some of the hurt of infertility away and showed me why I love my job so much.





The book talks about wounds of a woman's heart and how God wants to heal them.  It's not an easy journey but it is well worth it. I hope to find my way back to the right path soon.





John Eldredge also wrote Wild at Heart. It is the book for men about their spiritual journey, their place in the world and in His Great Adventure.








Lani