Hey, life? Are you kidding me?

You People are nuts! - no offense

Okay, so i've been trying to bake/cook more lately. You know, supposedly healthier, cheapier all that. First of all, it is not cheaper when you are a learning cook because you have NOTHING you need -- floor, sugar, spice crap uhhhhh. But anyway to my real rant.

Well, my mother gave me a turkey - apparently my dad got one for a bonus (woohoo how exciting - but then again more than i got). So i bought the bag and the pan to cook it in. And i did know that i was going to have to pull something out of this bird, but hey i've cleaned up poop before so how hard could that be? WEllll.....

No where on that instruction sheet did it tell me that when i cut the plastic off it was going to be like a pregnant turkey's water broke all over me. NOw in my mind i know it's from the thawing, but i swear it looked like she was spraying me from those tied together legs. Once i got past that i was ready to pull out the giblets and whatever else are trapped up in those legs.

Again here, there was no description. It was like the damned turkey had swallowed a deformed penis and that sac thing? Well, you can imagine what my mind was thinking as i was gagging.

And then it says i have to rinse it inside and out with cold water? What the hell kind of food is this that i have to give it a damn enema before i can cook it. By this time my hands are freezing and this is beyone any imagination of mine that it might come out tasting good. And then i'm thinking if this is what the Native Americans taught us on the first Thanksgiving, I bet they are laughing their asses off that we look FORWARD to doing this every year.

So anyway, the turkey is cooking for well apparently it's an all day type thing and as i sit here typing (my stomach is not grumbling with hunger i assure you) it occurs to me that i have no damn carving knife!

Kentucky Fried Chicken for supper is sounding realllllllly good!