The Chill Kid with the Cool Hat

Hello Disappointment, my oldest friend.

I'm sick of being the good guy. He emotionally gets the shit kicked out of him every day. He never comes out on top. What's the appeal? Why do I do it? Let's speed it up.

Michelle - A complete flake. Nicest girl in person, but too many times have I been left stranded.

Steph - As soon as things get serious, I'm blindsided with silence. Why? Just say what you feel. Spare me the emotional panic. Spare me the thought of, "Well, I don't even want to think if he could be a great person to be with. I'll just flat out leave him with nothing so maybe he'll go away." Great job, you make me want to punch women in the face.

Chelsea - How high my hopes were. If anything, you give me the feeling that any relationship I have the potential to enter will be a trainwreck before it starts. The only thought I should have is that it's going to blow up and make me miserable. Don't give me the "I didn't mean to lead you on" bullshit. Yes, you did. You thought you found something great and right behind you there was something better. Great job for building me up and knocking me down.

Sam, Scarlet, AJ, Cathy, Emily, Lizz, Cammi, and the other nameless I've met at the bar, including the above mentioned: A collective Fuck You for a Memorable and emotionally draining 2009.

I swear, kidnapping women and tying them up in my basement for a month so they can see how sweet and caring a person I am seems like it'd be a more successful dating technique. Maybe I should just degrade and abuse women from now on. It seems proven to me that assholes get and maintain more relationships. Of course, the women come crying to me (being unproductive at the workplace as well) but God forbid they leave that sham of a boyfriend.

So, why am I single right now? Because women are dumb. They really are. I've thought about it and thought about it. It doesn't take a genius to see that I'm a good guy, but women, on average, like to be beaten. They like to be ridiculed. They like to cry. They like to be absolutely miserable with someone who doesn't give two shits about them. I find this very strange. I always thought it was other things that women wanted in a relationship. Flowers every now and again. Remembering birthdays and doing your best to make them memorable. A kiss on the forehead and a line like, "Honey, you're so beautiful right now."

I don't think I'm asking for much. Just someone who likes me for me. That's all I'm looking for as well. No supermodels. No geeky girls. No punk-rocker chicks. No stereotype at all. The most attractive thing about a girl in my mind is actually try and make conversation. Use your head, stay with it. Don't just answer a question I ask you. Bridge off of it yourself. It's insane how many women won't even ask the same question back to you.

I think Heidi is the only exception to this rule. I think the world of her. She's a little fast for my tastes, but that could be because she has Lupus. That's the one thing that scares me. In a relationship, I'm very passionate. Like Meatloaf passionate. I really don't see an end if me and Heidi were to get together...except her end. I fear for her when she goes to the hospital, which is about twice a month. I don't think I could live with that. To think if something went wrong and she died? I can't imagine and don't want to imagine what I'd feel at that moment. I will not get my emotions wrapped up in a time-bomb heartbreak that no one can prevent.