I'm Studying You

Change isn't for everyone but contests are.

Good evening Stoggers. My best to you during whatever holiday season you've celebrated, and best wishes when your New Year rolls around.

I'm contemplating a serious change to The Library. Similar to budgets cuts in Western New York a few years back that closed several of the area's own libraries, I'm considering shutting this one down.

Let's face the facts (in old favorite way, bullet points!):

The numbers are down. People don't come here like they used to. If this were a sitcom, it would've been cancelled by the network several episodes ago. Luckily, I'm basically paying WDC to advertise my life on my own behalf. And the goods aren't as sharp as they used to be.

Time is a huge factor, even if time will be freeing up for me in the next month or so (on the surface at least). I sacrificed a lot of free space lately within my free time, and that's impacting what I do with my time and why. I don't get space anymore. And I don't think having a bigger place is going to impact that for a few reasons. One is that someone thinks every second I spend at home needs to be spent as close to her as possible. Another is that certain someones feel like they need to purposely go out of their way to see that I'm fully annoyed with litttle regard for anyone's feelings or state-of-mind. Couple that with the fact that they seem to want to walk all over me, when it's respect they should be showing and earning, and either trying to play one of us against the other or just not getting any backup when I ask for it...let's just say that leads to some uneasiness and added stress that I've just decided to toss out of the window by not giving a damn about anything. Boys wanna bicker? I don't care who's right or wrong, because I don't care. Caring only leads to me getting fucked over by them one way or the other, and I'm done with that happening to me. I'm not letting them be my problem or cause of my problems anymore.

On the same note, I need to get on the same page with this woman, because we're not. And it's painfully obvious to everyone but her and the kids. Funny how once the family counselling sessions stopped because we were all doing so well and getting along and everything was great, everything went to shit slowly and miserably. I'm running a race that can't be won. "You're not my father" and "I'll just ask my mom" are common enough to go along with the arrogant behavior going on. These kids are lucky that they have twice as much as I grew up with, and if I so much as looked at Pop Diesel the wrong way about something I (in fault) disagreed with, I knew a verbal (or more) ass-whipping was coming. I never thought I would miss my own childhood and adolescent years so much watching this organization operate sometimes. My opinion, and overall common sense, has never been held in such small regard. Yet I spoil these brats. That I'm being for taken for granted will end pretty quick as soon as I figure out how to live within the loss of a few amenities around here. I will not be taken for a second-class citizen by those who are more fortunate enough than I ever was growing up, and at this point I don't care if it pisses them off because they seem to have no problem disregarding me. I'm already on that next level, the one where no matter what you say or do, it rolls off my back. I've sucked it up enough and taken too many hits for this to continue without me actually losing it. Let them see suffering. I have. And I lived. Let them feel fortunate that it isn't worse.

I also have to take a hiatus because, well, I hit the high and couldn't follow it. I couldn't ride it. I did what I ultimately predicted, which was have nothing interesting to say once I landed my "prize", and would become anti-climactic in my own life. Everybody loves the chase, as y'all did. What was I gonna do to top that? What could I do to possibly keep you coming back? That's a battle I fought about 40-50 entries too long for. And lately, it's been downhill and only going faster as far as my output is concerned. I would've preferred to go out on top, but the ego got to me and I stayed around. I should've known better. When I'm working zero hours a week as opposed to forty, I can find things to irk me and have the time to go off hilariously on the inanities of life. When I've worked close to seventy, all you get is what really pisses me off and as close as it can touch me. That's not healthy, and neither is the knowledge that I can't do what I want in this space, which is entertain you for the few minutes you stop by here. That is important to me. I never want anyone who reads this to feel like they've wasted their time. But I'm starting to feel like it. And it shows.

My last point, and my most important, is this...whether you liked it or not, and whether it mattered to you or not, is very simple to me. WDC is a "copycat league". I can describe this by asking you one question: When was the last time I was in your blog to leave a comment? For a lot of folks, it's been too long and it's not your fault. One day turns into a week, then a month, and then a few, and one thing leads to another, and then I drop by and we're strangers again. That's on me. Some stay loyal, but all too often it turns into "This sum-bitch ain't read me in a long time, so why am I reading him?" I get that. I understand fully. Why fulfill someone if you're not being fulfilled as well? I believe fully in scratching one's back so that yours will get scratched...and I ain't scratched too many backs lately. Mutual benefits, ya dig? And I also understand that there are people out there that don't quite always appreciate my humor. I can't help that. What's funny to some isn't as funny to others. One man's ceiling is another man's floor. I've dealt with it personally, and it's OK. I'm not for everyone, but I'm not gonna tailor my style to please everyone. Please know that's not the point of this. The point is I'm saying goodbye for now to this, and I love all past and present supporters for their help, encouragement, and kicks in the pants. Without that, it would never have lasted as long as it did. You guys and gals gave me a lot of love and help when I really needed it, What few realize is this place started out as a lonely, broke, down-and-out guy with little to hang his hat on. The more I kept plugging away, and the more I kept supporting other bloggers, I changed. I went from "any a-hole can blog" to "damn, there's some good writers out there that can keep this medium alive for a long time!" And I feel like I've regressed into the "a-hole with a blog", and that's enough for me to know it's time to step back. It's little-known in the "new WDC" era that I blogged before the world knew what "blogging" was. I just kept a journal and updated it daily. Journaling, diaries, all that stuff..it wasn't so popular back then. Now, it's an industry. People get paid to blog. Finangle your way around espn.com for a few seconds and you'll find a blog. And that's just a scrape of the surface.

THE BIG ENDING

This, my friends (the few of you that are left), is what's going to happen...I'm going to reread my entire blog, head-to-toe, and post for ten nights straight (give or take) a "Top 10 Moments In The History Of The Library". This includes moments when The Library wasn't "The Library", and will be complete with comments and commentary by yours truly. I don't know how else to send this blog out. Any suggestions on moments of my life that were of note to you personally would be appreciated.

This may take a few days to start, and once I've compiled my list, I'll start the Daily Top Ten. And I'm gonna throw it out there now...pick my personal favorite #1 entry once I set my Top 10 and I'll throw up a Merit Badge and 50,000 gift points. You will be notified when I have picked a list (and I love agonizing over lists!) via this space, and I'll wait a few days to start once the selection process has been completed. Any ties at #1 will be settled by a correct #2, and so on. If there is no correct #1, the entry with the correct amount of placements 1-10 will be determined the winner. And if there still isn't a winner, well, I'll figure that out.

Stoggers and Studyees alike, I love you all. Thanks for a great run. I mean that from the bottom of my heart...you've taken time out of your day to see what I was up to and to enjoy my exploits, as I have done for you at one point or another (and if I haven't, I'm sorry). I'm throwing you all a legit contest party to celebrate! Hit me up if you have questions...GOODNIGHT NOW!! I have to start re-reading my life...