Hope Burning

Chapter Nine:

         Immediately after their dinner together she had been worried that he would begin bothering her for dates and answers she couldn’t give and pressuring her for more than she was willing to offer. However, except for a message on her machine the day after saying he’d had a nice time and they should do it again sometime, she didn’t hear anything for almost a week. She was surprised to find herself hoping he would call and too chicken to call him herself, telling herself that it was best they didn’t become friends let alone anything else. But when she did finally heard from him she was astonished at just how happy she was and eager to spend more time together. As friends only! She amended to herself. I just have to keep that boundary very clear and hope he doesn’t want more than that. She tried to not think about what would happen if he did want more.

         Expecting a phone call she was surprised when he showed up on her doorstep.

         “Jessica?”

         “Hi Mark!” Her pleasure at seeing him was evident in her voice. This time she didn’t hesitate and invited him in without a seconds thought.

         “Hey, I would have called earlier but I was out of town for a few days. Sorry I didn’t tell you before but it was unexpected. I just wanted to say I had a good time the other night. I haven’t made any real friends here and I forgot how nice it was to have one.” He paused before continuing.

         Here it comes. She thought to herself.

         “I hope I didn’t come at a bad time. I just was wondering if you wanted to go for a walk. I thought it would be nice to have company for a change.” He surreptitiously watched her face for her reaction while pretending to study her carved wooden mantle. “It’s no big deal. I talk walks all the time and was passing your place. I didn’t mean to bother you it was a spur of the moment kind of thing.” shrugging he gave her a roguish lopsided grin.

         She was trying to think of a polite excuse when his smile instantly melted any defenses she may have had. What was it about this man that affected her so?

         “Ok, sure. It’s a great day for it.” she said trying to get her heartbeat back under control. Just friends. I can do that.

         “Great!” his enthusiasm was catching and soon they were chatting away comfortably while walking down the country road. He took her to his favorite spot, a very small clearing by the river that ran behind their houses. They sat and talked the day away until she realized her stomach was growling in rebellion at being neglected for too long. She was surprised at how long they had spent talking. The sun which had been high in the sky when they left was gone from her view and the light was beginning to fade around them.

         “How long have we been here?” she wondered in surprise.

         Looking at his watch he laughed. “I didn’t know that spending time with you would speed up the rotation of the earth. That, or we were both having way too much fun.” he stood and offered her a hand up from the grass. “Come on. It will be too dark to see in these woods if we don’t go now. My place is just beyond those trees.” he pointed to the right. “Your place is further that way.” he said waving his hand in the opposite direction. “I’ll give you a lift home.”

         “That’s ok I can make it from here.”

         “Really.” she added when he looked at her skeptically.

         “Those woods are thick that way and with it getting dark you would only get lost. It is farther than you think. I promise I wont bite. Come on.” he began leading the way to his place through the dense woods although they did look thinner and easier to navigate than the section he had pointed to that led to her own house.

         She tripped several times after having only gone a few yards into the woods so Mark grabbed her hand and helped support her through the underbrush. Her palm tingled in his. She was uncomfortable holding his hand, it felt so intimate holding his hand out there in the darkening woods, but she also didn’t really want to let it go either and not just because she was positive she would fall flat on her face yet again.

         It hadn’t seemed to difficult on the way out that afternoon but then she had been able to see where she was going. By the time they reached his house it was nearly fully dark and she was happier than she thought she would be to see the light of his house in front of her.

         “Dinner should be about ready. Why don’t you join me since there is more than enough for both of us and leftovers to boot.” catching the hesitant look on her face he added “Its just dinner. I will take you home right after. I feel bad since I kept you out so late and it is already made so you might as well take advantage of a ready to eat meal. If you go home now you will just have to cook anyway.” he held the door open and waited until she filed past him.

         As soon as he opened the front door the mouthwatering aroma drifting from the kitchen drew her inexorably toward the source.

         “It’s been in the crock pot for most of the day. It should be perfect. I am not much of a cook but I love crock pots. Anyone can make an edible meal with it and you don’t have to slave over the stove to get it. “ his eyes twinkled with good humor as he moved around the kitchen getting out bowls and slicing the garlic bread that lay on the cutting block.

         Watching him in his kitchen was more interesting to her than she wanted to admit. He seemed totally comfortable and at ease. She noticed the way he moved so fluidly and with such economy of motion.

         He hadn’t put any pressure on her at all and had been very careful of her boundaries all day. For some unknown reason he seemed to truly enjoy her company and hadn’t asked for anything more than that.

         The stew was as good as the smell had proclaimed it to be and Jessica had to give him kudos for his cooking skill despite his own modesty toward his ability in the kitchen. The conversation was light and pleasant and they stayed chatting over the kitchen table late into the evening. Jessica helped clean up and do dishes then they settled in with glasses of wine and more conversation. When Jessica finally made it home that night she felt buoyant and content, something she was not accustomed to feeling of late.

         That night the usual nightmare was present but less severe than normal and interspersed with other more pleasant dreams. She woke feeling more rested than she had in months and decided the friendship with Mark was turning out to be a good thing.

         The next day Jessica decided to show up on his doorstep and see if he wanted to take a walk. After that, they walked together most days and usually had dinner together at one of their homes and occasionally went out to eat.

         As the weeks passed Jessica became more and more comfortable in his company. They shared many details about their lives but she couldn’t bring herself to tell him about what had happened to her in Dallas and the whole reason why she had come here. It was obvious he knew she was holding back and wanted to know what it was but thankfully he was patient and never pushed her to share anything she didn’t want to.

         He told Jessica more about his wife. At first she felt embarrassed to hear such personal and painful things but it seemed to make him feel better sharing it with her. She ached for his loss and the obvious deep well of pain that still wounded the undeniably attractive and powerful looking man with the tender heart. 

         Jessica was always painfully aware of the tension between them, it was the only thing that marred her time with him. She would notice a hungry look come into his eyes and face sometimes when he thought she wasn’t looking and it always made her uneasy. When they accidentally touched the jarring electricity that passed between them was hard to ignore. She tried to dismiss the way he made her feel when he came too close or was caught by his intense gaze filled with aching yearning.

         Despite all her better notions she found herself watching him when he wasn’t looking. As uncomfortable as she felt when the tension came to the surface she couldn’t seem to make the decision to not see him anymore. He was also the only source of peace and contentment that she had experienced in many months. When she was with him she felt a lightness and warmth that she just couldn’t give up.

         One day she decided to drop by unannounced and found him working in his yard wearing only an old pair of jeans, his upper torso and feet completely exposed. His smooth bare skin glowed in the sunlight and his long hair was pulled back into a thick black pony tail. The vision of him there in the sun burned itself into her mind and refused to be budged. She could close her eyes and still see every line of his body and angle of his utterly masculine features. His wide delighted smile when he saw her approach nearly knocked her over with its intensity. It began to haunt her when she was alone especially at night. Along with the terrifying nightmare that was ever present she began to be haunted by dreams of him. Dreams of his kind searching eyes trying to see into her very soul. She dreamt about his large powerful yet gentle hands. His wide smile and throaty sexy laugh haunted her until she couldn’t see anyone else’s face when she closed her eyes.

         For Mark the weeks they spent with each other was like a gift of life after an eternity of darkness. He had not thought he could feel whole again after losing Kai but that is what being with Jessica did for him. It was as if she was filling up the empty void within him. Even the brief moments with her were too precious to take for granted. He was always aware of how careful he had to be to keep her from running away from him. He felt she might disappear at any moment and was determined to enjoy every second he could with her, so he was careful to never push for more than she was willing to give and just be hopeful that someday she would trust him with whatever her secrets were. He was sure that her secrets were what kept her so distant from him. Hope burned in his soul that one day she would open herself to him. He hoped that one day she would allow herself to respond to the chemistry that they both knew was there between them. Until then, he would be patient and hope, always hope.

         Grateful for every bit of peace her presence granted him, he was unwilling to lose it trying to grasp for more. So when his trip to Seattle was approaching he wasn’t sure if he should invite her or not. He wanted to share it with her but wasn’t sure if the invitation would scare her. For more than a week he debated back and forth and finally decided to go for it. He would make it a day trip instead of his usual weekend away if that would mean she would go with him. Before he could change his mind he grabbed the phone and quickly dialed the now familiar number.

         “Jessica?” he said sounding a little breathless when she finally answered.

         “Mark, hi. I was just about to call you and see if you wanted to take a walk today. The sun is out and it’s another great day.”

         “I would love to but I have to go down to Portland today but I will be back tomorrow. How about a rain check?”

         Sighing dramatically in mock tragedy he could almost see her bow shaped lips form a theatrical pout. “Ok, but I will hold you to it. Do you want to catch dinner at the Dutchman when you get back? Give the local gossip mill more to chew on.”

         Ever since their first dinner together the whole town had been running wild with rumors and gossip about the two recluses’ secret romance. Every time they were seen in public together it would add to the rumors and the townspeople couldn’t seem to get enough of it. After a while they had both given up denying the rumors because it did absolutely no good. Besides, they both found that it actually helped to keep unwanted advances to a minimum, so it had become a joke between them.

         “Yeah that sounds like a good idea. My treat for ditching you today ok.”

         “Sounds fair to me so is that what you called to tell me? That you would be going out of town today?”

         “ That too, but I was also wondering if you wanted to go up to Seattle with me this weekend. There is a big fair going on. They have all kinds of stuff. They always have some wood working and rare wood dealers there too. I thought you might be interested. I go every year and it‘s really fun.”

         This was not what she had expected at all and was so caught of guard at the thought of going out of town with him that she forgot to respond.

         “Jessica? You still there?”

         “Yeah. Sorry.”

         “If you don’t want to that’s fine too. I just thought…”

         Jessica interrupted him quickly before he could take back the invitation. “No really it sounds great. Sure I would like to go. What day is it?”

         “It lasts all weekend. I usually go up on Friday and stay the whole weekend and come back Sunday but we can go either day. Whatever is best for you.”

         Thinking quickly and ignoring her own advice she quickly blurted, “Hey that sounds good. We’ll stay the whole weekend. Just because I go doesn’t mean you have to change your plans. Besides, it sounds like fun.”

         “I made my room reservation a while ago. Do you want me to see if I can get you one too?”

         “Don’t worry about it. I’ll do it. Where are you staying at?”

         After they hung up she called the inn he was booked into and discovered they were booked up except a very small attic room they didn’t usually rent out. She had to drop Marks name before they would even admit to having it. It took all her charm and persuasive powers to get the innkeeper to agree to rent it. When she was finally successful she wondered what to expect with the exceedingly low price and the innkeepers strong reluctance to rent it out at all.

         Shrugging Jessica decided it didn’t matter much since she would only be sleeping in it since she would be out during the day.

         She called Mark back to let him know she was able to get a room and to finalize the plans for the weekend.

         The next day she spent preparing for her weekend away. Cleaning the house and changing the message on her answering machine. Packing was a difficult chore since she had done little clothes shopping in so long. Getting someone to check in on her cat while she was away was the toughest part.

         Her one and only friend in town, Janet, had been calling for information about her relationship with Mark ever since that first fateful dinner out with him. Like everyone else in town she too refused to believe that they were just friends and neighbors.

         Jessica kept insisting that there was nothing to tell, that they barely knew each other and were just casual friends. She had tried to explain how Mark had saved her cat and that she had taken him a pie as a thank you. Of course she left out the parts about her insanity, the incident with Peter and the disaster that the pie had become. She definitely didn’t tell her about the ways he made her feel when they were together and the dreams about him that she couldn’t shake.

         She tried to make it plain that they were just neighbors and friends but Janet, nor anyone else in town, apparently wasn’t buying it. Janet even tried black mail to get the information but finally caved and agreed to take care of Jessica’s cat while she was away. It was pretty clear though that Janet felt she was owed more details than she was getting about a romance that didn’t actually exist.

         Grumbling about rumors and privacy she hung up the phone after finally getting a promise out of Janet. At last everything was done and she was ready to go. Curiously she was really looking forward to her weekend away and she realized she hadn’t gone anywhere since she’d moved in. She was in danger of becoming a reclusive hermit.

         “Next thing you know I am going to be the old lady with the thousand cats that kids in town think is a witch! Man do I need to get out!” she said aloud to her uninterested feline companion as she climbed into bed.

         That night the nightmares were ever present again. Upon waking she could only hope that she wouldn’t disturb the whole Inn she would be staying at for the next two nights and completely humiliate herself yet again. Hopefully having the attic room and being away from everyone else would help.