I'm Studying You

One word you love to hate, or one I hate to love.

Good evening Studyees, and what it up? A frantic friday out the window to you all, and hope you're all looking forward to the weekend as much as I am. This cat has stalked his employers to the tune of approximately 14 hours a day for the last four days (which doesn't include Labor Day and the pre-pre-marital rift I was involved in the day before, prompting me to call in sick on the afformentioned holiday). So I'm wired with innanities...let's jump right in...

"I spilled some paint on the wall, so I had to buy a..."

"This old wooden table needs a new finish...let's get some..."

"Oh snap, she pole-dances for a living? She must be a..."

Yeah that's right Stoggers, I'm avoiding the word. But you already know it, and I'm being one of those people I hate, who'd rather spell out the curse word they're going to use rather than just saying them. There's nothing more annoying than waiting on someone to drop an efff-bomb only to have them spell it out like you're not supposed to know that they know something you think they shouldn't. Fuck that with a side of fries. I'm also being the other person I hate, and being annoying about it, as you'll soon find out.

So apparently this week at The Wall, all has been calm or at the very least, manageable, until I leave. And that's when Hell barges in and decides to break loose, from what the veterans of the photo bombshelter have been telling me. I leave an area of San Francisco and come back to Pearl Harbor.

And I know that Friday was 9/11, and it's an "improper" analogy, but seriously, more people seemed to be making a bigger deal outta wednesday being "9/9/09" than I've seen today being the importance of perhaps the greatest national tragedy every to be inflicted upon our fine nation. Holy JC, The Beatles practically turned 9/9/09 into a holiday with the release of their remastered catalog and the "Rock Band" video game edition and whatnot. I digress...and that spoke to the folks who are concerned about the state of the nation.

Among yesterday's many failings in the evening, we had a "special visitor" at the Photo Lab, while I was trudging away at Borders. This morning, The Wall's delivery day, I received a frantic phone call from Mike, the guy who worked last night, who's been there for a year and a half, and knnows his shit. He's a good guy, funny as hell, and him and I have a little history as my alcohol supplier from when he worked at a gas station a few years back across from a previous job of mine. The conversation went like this:

Mike: "Hey...did you look at the waste prints yet today?" (Waste prints are pictures that customers refuse or are misprinted, and it's the job of the morning person to reconcile the physical count with the report we're supposed to print up each morning.)

Bert: "No, I haven't got to them yet...been busy with truck and internet orders." (We got slammed as usual with orders, and I really want to be doing some of the shipment, to make Robin, girl Boy Wonder, look bad because she doesn't lift a finger on truck day. And I really hate reports.)

Mike: "Stop EVERYTHING you're doing and go there NOW." (The sense of urgency was palpable. A trait I kind of admire.)

Bert: "OK, let me get over there...Oh...OHHHHH...OH MY that's not something we see a lot of here!"

Mike then proceeds to tell me the whole story....a young woman comes in and says she has some pictures, and there might be some nudity. mike goes on to find out that the woman is indeed a "model" (wink-wink-nudge-nudge" looking for a break. She is 1) certainly worthy of an opportunity in the world of mature adults-only filmmaking, from a physical standpoint; 2) gives the name "Nadia Nitro", like that's not a dead giveaway in the least; 3) arrives with her own personal bouncer, who isn't shy about why he's there to begin with; and 4) she's dumber than a rock and blatantly flipping through topless photographs of herself while other customers are dropping off pictures of their "normal" activities...you know, entire rolls of their cats, wedding pictures with horrible lighting, damage caused by weather, entire single-use cameras just of a teenager's face shot by the same teenager...the everyday kinda shit I see and treat like wallpaper.

So yeah, we had one of them loose women stop by. I think she was hitting on Mike, because she left with the honey-pot threat of coming back tomorrow with more pictures. Which makes me wonder if Mike really knows what's up...because everyone claims creepy Boy Wonder girl Robin was actually hitting on him the other day, but he didn't see it. Maybe he was too entranced by the cutter scars on all two of her arms, or the fact you could put a USB cord in between all of her teeth and still not connect to anything (and that's the deal-breaker for me, besides her lack of a personality that is anything but depressing, shallow, morbid and whiney at the same time...her teeth do not run consecutively. They stop and go, stop and go. She probably has 4 teeth where you, I and a lot of the free world have 8. And because she's kinda "edgy" and isn't bad to look at from the neck down, this and her attitude make me almost want to swear off the fairer sex for good, if I wasn't so attached to them already.). Sorry for my aside there, but it had to be said.

And so does this...fake chesticles to me mean one thing...a fake person. You bought them in an attempt to succeed at something you wanted to do because you weren't happy with yourself, and what you did have goin' for ya wasn't quite gettin' ya there. I get that part of it, but now you've just added a couple of lies to the size of your bra just to make some extra money and "see where it takes you". Well job, slut.

Speaking of sluts, I'm one for jobs, apparently. But if you got this far, you already knew that.

Football has already started! In my Yahoo fantasy league I'm projected to lose by three points this week. I drafted last in a league that reverses the drafting order in each round, so when I lost out on all the stud running backs, I took the best quarterback and wide receiver (according to most mock drafts), got some capable RB's, stocked up on QB's and WR's, got the best tight end in the game over the last decade, and suffered though my defense and kicker picks. I have depth and trade bait to get a better RB. My team, Incredibad, will not go down without a fight. And I can't wait to spend this sunday, and many more over the next few months, wearing out the "refresh" button on my browser's laptop, hoping to rock this league.

Ask me how I doubled the store's sales at Borders today, in half the time. I got in at 5:30, and we were just under $700 in sales...the lowest of the three days prior when I came in. When I left at just after 10, the final numbers were $1472. There were three people on during the day, and just me when I started my shift. We close at 9pm. On a slow night I can get my closing responsibilities started a little early and be out by 9:20. Tonight, I couldn't even close the front gate until 9:20, let alone start my closing routine. Yes, I am patting myself on the back. I do not like to do that very often, but this was a moment that I have to bask in, because I don't know how the boss is going to look at it. And that's just me thinking the worst. (And by the way...the answer I'll give to the proposed question is "I don't know...i'm sweeeeeeet.")

Got a get-together Saturday night with some high school people. Not taking Jess. She had a work party tonight, but I was busting my ass. She's craving time with me, I'm craving time to me, we had a big disagreement last week, we're better for it, and that's it. Still can't figure out what we're gonna do for the "One Year Being Together" on Monday, but she's been dropping hints like Cummings drops his ee's...there's a full-page ad from the Buffalo News for the musical "Chicago" being performed at Shea's Buffalo Theater at the end of the month that's tacked up on a door maybe three feet away from me, but in the last thirty seconds I wondered if maybe I should get her Bufalo Sabres hockey tickets instead...she's always wanted to go, and I have a few extra bucks this week...I guess I have my research cut out for me.

Monday's out anyway, and she knows it and she's cool with it, cuz the Bills are playing on Monday Night Football, and we can be cheap and get free pizza and wings at halftime (if we choose). Don't sell me out as being unromantic, Studyees...I plan on making my big move a day early to catch her off-guard. I work well in the smaller time frames. I've got time. She will be gifted properly. If not Chicago, the musical, than something else more appropriate, and Sabres tickets are the final option.

KISS ME, I'M BENT, SKEWERED AND DONE BY TODAY

I know I have a lot more to share with you Stoggers, but I'm about spent. I don't even get to sleep in on my day off because I have to drive Ms. Ever-loving-me to work in the am. Tomorrow will be filled with much sleep. And since Facebook has ceased to send updates to my phone, I suppose I'll have a little more me-time. GOODNIGHT NOW!!!

P.S. I still don't get it...you're Tila Tequila, and you can't leave well-enough alone.