Ten-Finger Exercises

What things would you lie about?

First off, I try not to lie. Even my driver's license has my correct weight on it these days. (It didn't always.)

There are some things I am tempted to lie about, some with good reason and some without. For instance, when I'm going to be late to a meeting, a frequent occurrence for me, a few ideas go through my mind.

"The dog got out, and I had to get her back in. " "The phone rang just as I was going out the door and it was long distance from my son, daughter, a long lost friend, etc." "I accidentally locked myself out of the house and had to climb through a window to get back in to get my car keys."

All of those things have happened at one time or another, probably not when I needed a good excuse though. And who would I tell as I slid into my seat? Would I interrupt the speaker to offer my alibi?

I've heard many lines people use to confront unwanted phone callers and uninvited visitors on a mission, but they seem unnecessary. Why tell the anonymous pitchman on the other end of the phone that you have left your husband and this is the maid he is talking to? Or you can't stand and talk now, you've got an important meeting to go to? Why not just politely say, "No thank you," and hang up or shut the door, smiling.

Now here's a harder one. When my ex-husband killed himself, only one person called me. Make that two, a friend and a clergy person. But weeks later, all sorts of people want to ask if he'd been depressed, if he'd ever done anything like that before, and if I have any idea why he did it.

It doesn't offend me particularly that they ask, but it does surprise me. I too have been reluctant to call people and offer condolences under similar circumstances, although I never will be again. But I'd never ask them those questions. So far I've avoided telling everyone but the first person, the one who did call, and I probably shouldn't have done that either. She had some experience with the subject herself though, and I knew she could handle it. To everyone else I've said, "Yes, we know now pretty much why he did it, but I don't want to get into that." Or just, "I'd rather not talk about it."

That's not a line I have ever used. I've either been open or made a little joke or somehow changed the subject. I think being direct is the best way, and it really isn't as hard as I thought.