Work in Progress

Success

I've been afraid of success for so long now that I have a hard time imagining exactly what my life might look or feel like when I do achieve what I want. Failure, on the other hand, isn't quite so scary. Failing allows me to go back to where I started. Success moves me into a different sphere and it changes everything. So, even though success is a good thing it can be pretty damned terrifying.

I am, slowly, learning and exploring what success looks and feels like for me. Today was a good day. I took on my nemesis the plank...and won. Two minutes. Two hard-to-breathe, quivering muscles, feel like I'm going to hurl minutes. When I collapsed to the mat after I saw the two flash up on my ipod's stopwatch I felt amazing (ok, I felt crappy and amazing at the same time). This little thing that I was allowing to beat me was beaten. It may be a small success but it's another step closer to where I want to be.

Where is that, exactly? What does success look like for me? I'm still working that out, but here's what I've come up with so far.

It means a strong, healthy, fit me - body, mind and spirit.
It means taking the best possible care of me that I can.
It means looking in the mirror and liking what I see.
It means feeling comfortable with my body.
It means continuing to challenge myself physically by trying new things and pushing myself.
It means a lifetime of eating nutrient dense, healthful foods and exercising.
It means lowering my cholesterol and having a healthy heart.
It means loving the way I feel when I workout - strong, empowered, happy, and energetic.

I think it's a good beginning. I can say yes to all of the above. I believe that I can have all of that and more. I can succeed and I can and will accept that succeeding means a new and different life.