Complex Numbers

EEEIEUUU!

I haven't linked the Daily Fail in a while.

'A bikini bug ate me alive': The horrifying story of what happened when this woman left her swimwear to dry in the sun

...The trip was a great success, and as I took the taxi to the airport I was pleased to see that I had only one mosquito bite. It was on the inside of my left upper arm, by the seam of my T-shirt. Never mind, I thought, it's not even itchy: it will be kept cool in the plane's air conditioning and will be almost gone by the time I'm back. ...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1193233/A-bikini-bug-ate-alive--The-ho...

Ew. Ew. Ew.

Two days later, I was no longer ill, but the bite was so uniquely painful that I was exhausted by it. It was relentless. It was now very raised, and very yellow. I was as repulsed as I was pained by it.

This is where Americans go to the doctor.

At about 4am, I had turned the light on and was staring at the bite. Suddenly, it seemed to be moving. I must be very, very tired, I reasoned.

This is beyond the point where Americans go to the doctor. This is the part of the horror movie when the ditzy blonde gets what she deserv... oh.

The next morning, I headed to a meeting in North London.

Note: NOT a medical meeting.

As the train passed the stop for Hampstead, very close to the Royal Free Hospital, I decided on the spur of the moment to have it dressed by a professional.

YA THINK??!

I'd had no sleep for three days and was in no state to meet the most devastatingly handsome doctor I had ever seen, but there he was. I was swooning with pain, but I swooned some more.

What the effing crap? Chick is about to hatch Alien and all she can think of is how hot the doctor is? Christ on a boat, I know Brits are raised to have a stiff upper lip, but this chick's is made of fucking cast iron.

Half a tub was slathered over the area, then a clear, airtight plastic dressing was fixed on top. 'Go shopping and come back in three hours,' I was told.

Ignoring for the moment the horrid use of passive voice, which is not excusable even in Tory tabloids, again: What is she, British or Spartan?

Now I understood why maggots were used to clean wounds in the past: it was immaculate.

Still are, actually. See #5 here:

http://www.cracked.com/article_17446_6-disgusting-ways-animals-can-improve-your-...