Never Really Alone

Chapter Six

I was supposed to start work at six o'clock the next morning and I barely had enough money left to eat much less pay for a place to stay, so I just kind of walked around town for awhile and waited for it to get dark.  Aggie had shown me around the whole diner, a sort of crash course in the inner workings of her place and there was a storage room that had a good-sized bench in it.  I was hoping the door might be unlocked.  After all, this was a small, homey kind of town and lots of people didn't lock their doors.  Maybe, I'd get lucky.

As soon as it got dark and the lights from the diner went out, I saw Aggie drive off in her truck.  I went around to the back door to see if it was open.  It wasn't, but the lock was cheap and easy to jimmy.  The street light outside provided  just enough light so I could make my way around the cluttered room.  I cleared off the bench and within minutes, fell into a deep and dreamless sleep.

I woke as the sun split into prisms through a small, broken window onto my face.  For a minute I didn't know where I was, but the knot in my neck from sleeping on my bag reminded me soon enough.  I went into the bathroom, washed my face and hands, re-combed my pony-tail and changed into a clean shirt.  Then I grabbed my bag and went out the same way I came in, making sure to re-lock the door.  I walked to the edge of the shopping district, then back around as if I was just coming in from somewhere on the edge of town.  And it was that day, I decided, on my first day of work at Mom's House, I would take charge of my life and begin all over again.

I was just two blocks from the diner when her truck rolled past me and pulled into the side street next to the diner.  She got out, pulled two grocery bags from the passenger side and stood there at the front door and waited for me.  I quickly picked up my step and in no time, took the bags from her so she could unlock the front door.  "You're off to a good start, Sarah," she said.  "I can't abide lateness for any reason at all.  Keep it in mind.  If ever you plan on being late, I'll expect a call from the hospital or the morgue, no offense, you understand," and with that she gave me a toothy smile.

"None taken, Ma'am.  I'm usually early or on time," I replied.  "What would you like me to do first?"

"Let's get those groceries put up, then start the coffee and get the griddle warmed up and ready.  We'll have customers storming the doors in about thirty-five minutes.  So get to it girl."

"Yes, Ma'am."

I'd had a few summers working at Shell's Family Restaurant back home, so it was pretty easy to learn my way around Mom's.  Of course I had to learn the menu and the regular customer's likes and dislikes, but waitressing is waitressing regardless of where you're working.  Aggie had her little quirks and ways of doing things and though she seemed gruff and hard, it was easy to see she had a soft spot for people and everyone knew it.

There was only one other waitress and she'd been there since the diner had opened.  Her name was LeAnn.  She was about five feet tall, round and curvaceous and had the face of an angel.  The very best way to describe her would be to say that she was like an active volcano.  LeAnn was always at the eye of the storm.  Which was also the usual reason why she could never get to the diner any earlier than nine-thirty on any given day.  But, being who she was, Aggie learned to put up with LeAnn's schedule.  Besides, the customers loved the drama.

Before the clock hit seven, a half dozen people were already waiting to be let in, followed by a steady, unbroken stream that didn't let up until about ten and then began to pick up again about eleven-thirty for lunch.  We got a short reprieve between two and four and then the dinner crowd poured in, and by the time we locked the door at seven, the three of us were dead on our feet.  It had been a long time since I'd worked twelve hours straight, and seventeen years old or not, both my feet and back were truly aching.  Even so, I was feeling pretty good.  The pockets of my apron were filled with tips and I had earned every cent.

Dishes done, tables wiped down, floor swept, coffee urns ready to go in the morning and Aggie's pies - three each, apple, peach, cherry and pecan, were freshly baked and ready for tomorrow.  We all walked out together and Aggie locked the door.  LeAnn climbed into her late model cherry red Corvette, tied a matching red scarf around her blonde hair and screeched down the street leaving us as tiny little dots in her rear-view mirror.  As Aggie opened the door to her truck she looked up at me and said, "Can I give you a ride, Sarah?"

Knowing that there wasn't anyplace for her to drive me, I just smiled and said, "No thanks, Aggie, it's so nice tonight, I think I'll just walk.  See you in the morning."

"Alright then.  See you at six.  Don't be late."

"No problem."  I walked away from the diner as I watched her get into her truck and drive away.  I kept walking until I couldn't see her any longer.  Then I doubled back around and entered the diner from the rear door the same as I'd done the night before.  This would be okay for a little while, but I knew that washing up in a sink was going to get old in a hurry.  I figured I'd cross that bridge when I came to it.  I barely put my head onto my backpack before I fell asleep.  I dreamed that I was running from someone.  I ran and ran and ran until I finally ended up at the river on our farm and then I woke up shaking, in a cold sweat.  My heart was pounding so hard, it felt as if all of the blood in my body was about to boil up and explode as if I were a bomb.  When I finally calmed down I thought about the dream and realized that the person I was running from was Miranda Jean.

It was the fourth morning that I met Aggie at the front door of the diner when I found out that she had known since the second day that I had been sleeping in her storeroom.  "Sarah, after you start the coffee, come back here in the storeroom.  I need some help getting these cans of cherry pie filling down."

Since I had arrived Aggie had replaced her broken step-ladder with me, since I towered over her five-foot three frame by a good four or five inches.  I reached up  and handed down six cans of cherry pie filling, when she said, "Okay, that's enough.  Leave the rest up there for now."  I wiped my dusty hands on my apron and turned around to go back out into the diner, when she reached out and gently caught my elbow with her hand to stop me.  "Sarah, we need to talk a minute."

I turned to face her wondering what was coming next.  Had I screwed up?  Had a customer complained about me?  Oh, God, where would I go from here?  A million thoughts just tumbled around me and suddenly I felt my heartbeat in my ears, rushing like a thousand locust.  I forced myself to breathe and then I finally opened my mouth.  All I could manage to mumble was, "Okay?"

She laughed.  She looked right at me and she laughed.  Then she put her hand on my shoulder and said.  "Everything's okay girl.  I'm not gonna shoot you or anything.  For goodness sake, take a breath, will you?  I just want to talk to you, is all.  You're doing a fine job, I'm not firing you and everything is alright.  Okay?"

I let out a breath that must have sounded like the air being slowly released from a balloon.  I could feel my face getting red and hot.  I was embarrassed and blushing and was wishing that the floor would just open up and swallow me. 

"Now then, the way I see it, we have a little problem."  She said.  "I know you've been sleeping here in the storeroom, and really I don't mind.  But the fact is the Board of Health surely would, if they caught on, you see?  So I'd like to make you an offer.  My son, Will has been married and moved off for thirteen years now and there ain't nobody in his room.  It's just lying empty gathering dust.  So, how about you and me figure out a fair rent and you move in with me?  We can ride in to work together and you can finally get a bath, not saying you need one now.  You been doing real well with the sink here, but the Board of Health and all, y'know?  So, we get along, pretty good...whaddya think Sarah?"

I couldn't believe my ears, I really couldn't.  "Are you sure Aggie, you wouldn't mind?"

"I wouldn't have offered if I didn't mean it Sarah.  Yes or no?"

I could feel my face widening into a huge smile.  "Yes, definitely yes.  Thank you."

I put out my hand to shake hers and she took it, but instead of shaking it, she pulled me to her and roughly hugged me than turned me loose with a gruff, "Alrighty then, back to work."

That night I drove with Aggie to her place, an old Victorian house at the edge of town.  It was yellow with white gingerbread trim and had a great, huge screened porch on the back, that ran the entire length of the house.  It faced west and showed off the most beautiful sunsets I'd ever seen.  It was easy to see why Aggie spent most of her evenings out there.  It didn't take long for the two of us to let the air in and shake the dust out of Will's old room.  By the end of the week, Aggie had spun some sort of magic and come up with multi-colored patchwork quilts and lace-tatted curtains, transforming a boy's hideaway into a girl's haven.

All the room needed to finish it were the framed photos I'd brought from home, nicely settled on the dresser.  If I couldn't talk to Miranda Jean in person, and it had been seven weeks since I had, at least it would be her face I would see before I fell asleep and the first I laid eyes on when I awoke.

It also didn't take long before Aggie asked me about Miranda Jean.  She'd seen the photographs, they were hard to miss positioned like trophies on the dresser.  One evening after dinner, just as the sun was going down she looked over at me and very quietly said, "Would you like to tell me about your sister?"

That was all it took, just one little question and it all came pouring out.  Our childhood, the special bond we had, and the day she drowned.  I don't know why I told her.  It all came rushing out as if I were a soda bottle that had been shaken and then uncapped.  I talked about the day I broke my leg and I told her about Sousa and how Miranda Jean must have called to her.  And then I told her about Dr. Rudolph and Dalton Psychiatric Hospital.  I told her about my parents and how they stopped believing anything that I said or did a long, long time ago.  I even told her about all the stupid things I did in high school, the skipped classes, the drinking, everything.  Then I told her how I ended up in Phoenix.

It was strange.  I'd only known Aggie a short time but I felt as if I had known her as long as I'd known myself.  And even if I told her these things and she told me I was crazy and threw me out, I don't think I would have regretted telling her.  Because on some level I knew that she would believe me, but more than that, I needed to say the words.  I needed to tell the whole story to someone...anyone.  I needed to be heard.  It was pitch dark when I finished talking and Aggie had not said a word, had not made a sound.

In the darkness I saw her silhouette rise and come toward me.  She crouched at my chair, directly in front of me and took my hands in hers.  "Oh, Sarah, my dear," she whispered, "you have been so strong to carry this with you for so long all alone.  I'm so very sorry."

I could just barely make her face out in the dark and I looked at her eyes, searching for what I heard in her voice.  "You believe me?  You believe I can see her?  You don't think I'm crazy?"

She held my face in her hand and looked into my eyes.  "Yes, I believe she is with you and I believe you can see her.  You're not crazy Sarah, you've never been crazy.  Spirits don't always move on in the way that we think they do.  Sometimes it isn't up to us to understand or make sense of it."

I felt as if I could fly.  My whole body felt so light, so free.  There was nothing weighing me down.  I had spoken the truth and nothing bad had happened.  The sky hadn't fallen, the earth hadn't opened and I hadn't been locked in a small room with a four by nine inch barred window in the door.  The only thing that could make me feel any better was if Miranda Jean would come back to me.  Maybe now she would.

Aggie stood up and gathered up the iced tea glasses to take in and turned to me.  "How long has it been since she's appeared to you Sarah?"

"Too long," I said, "about seven weeks or so, not since about a month before I left home.  I've called her and called her but she just doesn't answer.  Or maybe she does and I just can't see her.  That happened a lot when I was in the hospital and on some of the medications they gave me."

"Don't give up on her," she said, smiling.  "If she's meant to get through to you, she will.  I'm sure of it.  Just have faith."

After the conversation on the porch, my relationship with Aggie changed.  She literally 'took me in', into her heart and under her wing.  I think for her I might have been the daughter she never had and I know for certain that she was the mother I always wanted, and for a time, at least before Miranda Jean died, really did have.

We had forged a bond that night, a trust in one another, and from then on we held nothing back.  In no time at all I knew everything about her son Will and his family and she knew everything about me and mine.  Our life together in the yellow house on Miller Road moved into a gentle rhythm, easy and predictable.  The months flew by and I began to feel settled and finally safe, but for one thing.  Miranda Jean was still gone and no matter what I did or how loud or long or lovingly I called for her, she never came to me.  And there was truly a large part of my heart that constantly ached, and I knew it would never, could never, ever heal.

Things at the diner were always predictable, same customers, same orders, same blue plate specials.  Day after day after day.  Until one Tuesday morning around seven-thirty, when a young man with terribly unkempt, red hair and an armload of textbooks came in and ordered toast, bacon and coffee.  He ate the toast, let the bacon get cold and then munched on it while he studied.  I must have refilled his coffee nine or ten times.  He studied straight through the lunch hour and didn't leave until almost one o'clock.  He repeated this behavior every Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday for the next four weeks and then during the fourth week he also came in on Friday.

As usual, I walked over to him with a cup of coffee, but this time I didn't bring the toast or bacon which I'd been doing since the second week.  I set down his coffee cup and waited for him to look up from his book.  It took him a little while to notice me standing there but when he did, I saw that he had the greenest eyes I had ever seen.  I looked back at him and said, "We're all out of toast.  And bacon.  We're all out of bacon too.  We never have toast or bacon on Friday's."

He just stared at me.  Then his mouth dropped open and he smiled.  "I see," he said.  "I guess I'll have to go somewhere else then.  Do you know of any other places that might have toast and bacon?  Or could you recommend something else?"


"Well now," I smiled back at him.  "Let me think.  I don't know of any other diners in the area.  You might want to try some link sausage and maybe a danish.  Just for a change of pace, you know.  Of course if you're really set on toast and bacon I might be able to find you some.  If you're really set on it.  If the price is right."

"If the price is right?  Okay, would you be interested in a trade?  Say my name for yours?"

"I think that might be arranged.  Boy you really are a pushover for toast and bacon, aren't you?"

His smile lit up his whole face and it was clear he was trying hard not to laugh.  "You've got me there.  I'll do almost anything for a good plate of toast and bacon.  Allow me to introduce myself.  Hi, I'm Stephen Kilpatrick, nice to meet you...and you are?"

I couldn't help but laugh.  I put out my hand and shook his.  "I'm Sarah, Sarah Foster, good to meet you, Stephen.  Now, please tell me, what is it with you and the toast and bacon?"

He shrugged his shoulders and shook his head.  "It's nothing really, I'm just a creature of habit, that's all.  It's easy to eat when I'm studying, nothing to spill or drip, just crumbs so no big deal."


"Makes perfect sense," I said.  "So what are you studying so intensely all these weeks?"

He spread all of his books out on the table.  "I just finished law school and I take the bar exam next month.  I know it sounds ridiculous but I can't study in the library, it's too quiet.  When I'm in here, with the coffee and just the background noise I actually get quite a lot of studying done.  So this is where I've been coming.  Although there is one distraction that I've had to deal with in here."

"Really, what's that?"

"Actually," he said, "the distraction is  you."

"Oh, I'm sorry, " I replied.  "Have I been too noisy?  I shouldn't have bothered you today.  I'm so sorry.  I'll just get your..."

"No Sarah, that's not what I meant.  I meant being around you is distracting, and I was wondering if you might like to go to dinner with me tonight?"  He ran his hand through his rumpled hair which only served to make it even more rumpled.

"Dinner?  Uhm, okay, I guess, sure," I answered.  "I get off at seven, but I'll want to freshen up a bit.  I could be ready about eight o'clock, would that be alright?"

There was that smile again.  It was like lighting a fire in his bright, green eyes.  "Eight would be just fine.  Just write your address on a napkin and I'll pick you up.  Well, I guess I'd better hit the books again.  Oh, and about that toast and bacon?"

"Yessir, coming right up."  It didn't take long for Aggie to catch on to the fact that Stephen had asked me out.  Especially since she'd been buzzing back and forth between the dining room and the kitchen supposedly checking on customers.  Aggie never checked on customers.  That was a job for me and LuAnn.  She stayed in the kitchen and took care of the cooking. 

The only reason she was in the dining room was because LeAnn had tipped her off that something was up with the 'cute redhead' and Sarah.  That had surely raised her antennae, so her buzzing around was for my own protection.  Lucky for me, by the end of the day Aggie and LeAnn had decided that Stephen was alright and my date was a 'go'.  Apparently they discussed it with most of the regulars and quite a few of them knew him or his father and they all gave him their stamp of approval.  It seemed no matter where you went small town living remained the same.