Out of the Ashes...

A Mother Worries, A Son Yawns

My mother... *shakes head but with a smile* I do love her, but sometimes I’m embarrassed at how dang common she can be. I grew up thinking my mother’s high intellect made her a goddess of some sort. One I rebelled against and gave a lot of guff from time to time, but still an all-powerful, all-knowing, and “dang it, how’d she FIND ME?” kind of goddess.

That was her youth...or what passes as youth as an adult with two kids. *rolls eyes* How I know THAT feeling.

Anyway, as she’s gotten older, she’s become more like a normal mother. Every month, sometimes twice a month, I get a package from her containing a lot of things at which I generally scratch my head. Irritating things, such as: coupons, news clippings, little “hints” on how to figure out the stock market (regardless of my outright stated and very opinionated bias AGAINST playing that rather stupid, risky game), old magazines, and sometimes a few things I can use (such as old photo albums and pistachios). Mostly stuff I end up tossing in the trash (sorry, mom).

That’s who my once “above it all and every dang one” mother has turned into. You know the kind, right? NORMAL!

Well, a few years ago she discovered the Internet. Limited...as in browsing specific sites, using a PHONE MODEM (do they even make those anymore? - sheesh!), and email FORWARDING! Yeah, that’s right...my once elitist mother is now a common email forwarder. ARGH!

Of course, being the secret “good” son, I read them all. Hey! She used to be a grammar school teacher. I have no idea if I’ll have to deal with a pop quiz, eh? So I HAVE to read them. Ya know? *ahem*

My mother has become so common that she’s actually giving in to whatever panic the news is peddling each week. First it’s the economy, then it was a possible continuation of stock declines, even more nastiness form the economic sectors, and then...and then...and NOW - swine flu.

Earlier tonight (or yesterday, depending on when you’re reading this), I receive a couple of emails from her about the flu. The first was a suggestion I read some book written probably by one of those really boring researcher types *winks at Rainbow* who needed extra cash and some added prestige. This author actually traced the 1918 flu pandemic to it’s origins...in Kansas.

What good would knowing that (I already knew anyway *taps temple*) do me? Really, now... That was then.

Apparently she musta had the same exact thought, because the next email was about how to protect myself from the Swine Flu. Oh, brother...

So, okay, no more jokes (*snicker*). Now that this silly public panic has touched my MOTHER, I gotta divulge something MOST of you do NOT think about.

You know that REGULAR flu thing we think we have handled with shots and stuff? You know, the one we take for granted will NOT kill us? Well...lean close to your monitor. I gotta secret to tell ya. *whispers* The regular flu annually kills around 36,000 in the USA alone every dang year. Yeah! That many...every...year. And since January 2009, that li’l ol’ bug we kinda ignore has already KILLED around 16,000. In four months...less, actually.

As I said, those are only the US numbers. Now, take this swine flu thing. How many has it killed in the US so far this year? Hmmm...? That’s right. As of this writing, ZERO!! Ol’ Swiney has a looooooong way to go to catch up to it’s Big Bro. A long way...

Why don’t we have a panic over those 36,000 poor US-based North American souls dying each year from the normal flu? Glad you asked... Because it’s old news. It does not bring in ad revenue, it would not increase ratings or daily readership, and it certainly will not freak us out enough to wash our hands after wiping our bums (admit it, sometimes YOU forget - say, at home?).

As I said in a previous entry, wake me up when Ol’ Swiney has caught up or surpassed it’s even deadlier predecessor. ‘Kay?

Oh, yeah - the list of how to protect oneself from Ol’ Swiney? Same dang stuff we SHOULD do to protect ourselves from any other virulent li’l bug that wants to just lay us out and eat away a few days of our already short lives. Wash hands, cover mouth when coughing, wear a mask when around them nasty infected fools who DON’T practice good hygiene...you know, same old stuff.

And it’s NEWS? Please...

So, after thinking very carefully about it, I sent a short reply back to my worried mom. Roughly, it stated the above numbers along with the fact that Ol’ Swiney has a taste for those in their prime (20 - 40). Since I’m 42, actually shower once (sometimes twice) a day, and am just too blessed to die like that, I’ll be just peachy.

Although, I must argue that 20-40 is NOT human prime. Not for me anyway. I’m entering my prime, greying hair and all.

To Ol’ Swiney, I say:

*flips bird at Ol’ Swiney* Eat one, newbie! You need more training before you can take ME down. NYAH!

To my mother:

Thanks, ma! I know ya love me, but don’t worry...I’ll be a pain in your backside for at least a couple more decades. *snicker*

To YOU:

Worry more about the stronger regular flu. THAT will kill you before the rookie does. Ignore the idiots who wring their hands over everything CNN dramatizes. Besides, no flu can kill you, actually. The bug reduces your immune system so that OTHER things can kill ya. Rainbow can correct me if I’m wrong, but really...a flu bug is really a catalyst. Kinda like HIV...

As I sign off today, keep in mind all the things that were supposed to kill us and were sensationalized by CNN (et al). By no means is this a complete list. I think you’ll get the point. Hope so, anyway...

HIV
HEPATITIS B (or A - I get them confused)
SUPER FLU
AVIAN FLU (???)
SARS (might be the same as above, dunno)
<enter name of ad selling, ratings getting SUPER BUG OF THE WEEK here>

Let’s get real...

*YAWN*