Life as we know it sucks

Why Am I So Obsessed

That's the question I've been asking myself for a while now. More like, why am I still so obsessed?

I was just going to write some short story about it, but I barely got started. All I could think about was - ugh! I'm such a terrible writer! How did I ever want this profession? How did I ever think I would be good at it?

Anyway...so I'm obsessed. Can you possible guess with what I am obsessed? That's right...a guy. And on your first guess, too! How much I've changed. So, it's not just any guy. No it's not my husband...it's a man - a customer at work - who is old enough to be my father (not that he looks it). Sound creepy? Well...it kind of is if I put it like that. I don't know what it is about this man that attracts me so much...I really, really don't.

Maybe it's because he's British? Maybe it's because he seems to thoroughly enjoy coming to me - and only me - to do his banking. He rarely comes in on my day off. Bizarre? Maybe it's because I feel he is attracted to me as well. Maybe it's because he is so damn hot! I don't know what it is, but within the last few weeks, it has all blown way out of proportion. I have never felt the desire to see him so much on a regular basis. I love driving to work - just hoping I'll pass him (he drives much to slow for the hope that he'd pass me). I just want to see him every time I leave the fucking house...I mean WHY am I SO obsessed?





I digress.

I know it's just infatuation - not even lust...definitely not love...but I just don't understand the reason behind it. I've actually had fantasies about cheating on Shane with this man. I don't really feel horrible about that because it seems normal. Not the cheating - just the fantasy of being with another man.

It's so odd and I'm afraid of what it may lead to. I just wish I understood what it meant....

--------------------------------------------

Good fences make good neighbors.