The Five Strands of A Sedentary Empress

Boom Time

"Boom Time" 

Obviously, there are a lot of problems with the way we have things set up in these parts.

Frankly, I believe education is a right, one which is all too often afforded only to those who can...afford it. I do not see why education is not paid for in terms of post secondary education, as many other countries in the world do ensure that all of their citizens are given the opportunity to learn and acquire skills necessary to find meaningful careers/employment. It's considered the next logical step, and the anxiety of where to go and how to pay for it are not huge issues. That's the way it should be, in my view.

M. often tells me that someone with a PH.D is very often on the same level that the rest of us are, intellectually speaking. The main difference is that they stayed in school longer, that they had the means to do so and also that they were able to keep their focus on learning. I didn't believe this, initially, but then I met some people in the last few years who made his point a valid one. I have met people who can speak six different languages but cannot operate a can opener. I have had long discussions about the meaning of life with pseudo-philosophers who didn't know how to use a vacuum cleaner. Sometimes, the fancy diploma doesn't really have much to do with the worth of a person.

Maybe I say this because I am currently 'diploma-free'. I'm not an idiot, I know this, and the main reason I didn't follow through on my education was because of the anxiety of actually doing it, as well as paying for it. My parents lost everything in 1993, including whatever they had saved for my university, and though they desperately wanted me to go, I knew I was not someone who could work as well as learn. I can only focus on one thing at a time. Plus, I was eager to jump to the end of everything. I didn't want to learn anymore, I just wanted to do. It never occurred to me that I couldn't immediately find a job doing something I loved without training for it. I was going to write a novel, become white collar professional, wear heels to work everyday and my feet would not hurt. That I would feel the weight of being 'unfinished' also did not occur to me. I see the blank spaces on my wall and feel the phantom diplomas. I think this is because I feel like I'm a fairly intelligent person, and though I was burned out from sitting in a classroom all those years back, I am suddenly thinking it would be preferable to trudging off to a job I can only barely tolerate now. I miss homework, I miss getting great grades on tests. Now, it's all about finding something to pay the bills, and I am already anticipating the anxiety of feeling bored and empty, unappreciated. You can tell any student this and they will dismiss it. They are sick of studying, sick of the pressure of finishing endless essays and projects, but, they don't know. They don't know that the emptiness of feeling incomplete is far more oppressive.

Now that I am here, in the stage of wishing that I could learn again, I know it's not likely it will happen any time soon. I'm a mother, a home-owner, and I need to pay my share of the bills and no amount of wishing for yesterday is ever going to heat the house. I can't let myself feel remorse or guilt about any of it, though. The choices I made back then made sense at the time, and I suppose they still do today. The anxiety hasn't gone away, and the money hasn't flooded in. What has changed is that I realize the importance of following through, now. It may not get someone a fantastic job, but the feeling of accomplishment is certainly something worth working toward.

I'll be honest, everyone I know with an incredibly high-paying, satisfying job did not have an education which trained them for it. My sister works for a top interior designer in Toronto, regularly arranging space to be photographed in magazines and she even was included in the Milles Femmes event last fall, touted as one of the country's most creative women. She did two years in marketing at a small college before she got the job. There is no prestigious design academy in her background, no apprenticeship. She started as the office manager and suddenly found herself designing room interiors. My other sister is a dental assistant (she's a full-time mom at the moment), made nearly double what I used to make, and she only had six months of training at one of those community college type establishments. M. is a computer software developer, formerly an artist, and he has had articles published in magazines, has paintings hanging in a museum, has sold paintings to and been commissioned to do portraits for dignitaries and he never went to art school. In fact, his present career incarnation is the result of a hobby that went awry. He taught himself to make simulator aircraft, and now he's one of the best in the business.

I think my point is that while I fervently believe education is valuable and necessary, it also doesn't mean you can't fulfill your dreams without it. M's best friend I. once told me that if you don't get what you want, then you didn't want it badly enough. Did I mention that I. has no post-secondary education, is a millionaire who owns his own island, has two books published and a third on the way, and that he spends most of the summer flying around in his own plane? I decided he was right when he said that. Here was a guy who invited me to dinner with his friend A. and didn't mention that A. was the owner and CEO of Rubbermaid Inc. He is not pretentious, he doesn't use ten cent words. He went after what he wanted because he believed it was possible and his ego didn't allow him to consider failure. He is a self-made man who doesn't dwell on what education is he lacking, and he succeeded. M., on the other hand, has his Masters in International Relations, went to five different universities including Cornell in the U.S, and he sits in his office, making Piper Cubs and Messerschmitts. He's happy, though, so I guess that's what counts.

Perhaps we are in a current state of time in which elbow grease and common sense are the things which will get you through. I try to remind myself of this whenever I see that blank space on the wall and feel the cold tingles in my gut. I also think it's about who you know, as well as timing.