I'm Studying You

A List.

In honor of Valentine's Day this saturday and partly inspired by a book I haven't read yet titled 11,002 Things To Be Miserable About, I present to you, loyal Studyees, an incomplete list of things that piss me off:

1. Going to work on my day off.
2. Being friended on Facebook by people I don't know.
3. Being friended on Facebook by people I don't want to know, and going through the feeling of maybe wanting to block them.
4. The constant reminders from WDC to extend my upgrade.
5. My landlord not being patient enough with me to wait for my phone call every weekend I get paid, asking me when we can "get together and settle up".
6. Things I have no control over.
7. My "control freak" tendancies.
8. People who say "Have a nice day!" like they don't mean it.
9. Having plans scheduled for me that include me but are clearly made without my consent.
10. Surprises.
11. Grammatical errors in supposedly "professional" signs.
12. Knowing the cop that gave me a speeding ticket.
13. Knowing the judge (and working for the party trying to get him re-elected) presiding over my speeding ticket ordeal.
14. Anything that becomes an ordeal.
15. Name-dropping.
16. Nervous breakdowns.
17. Forgetting my lighter.
18. Not having to poop at work until I'm the only one in the store.
19. Losing interest in an interesting book.
20. Not being around another interesting book.
21. Not getting as good a discount on a new phone as I'd get if I suck it up another year.
22. Getting the time and urge to watch a movie I really want to watch, and falling asleep.
23. Mushrooms in/on any meal.
24. Thinking I have time to myself when I don't.
25. Getting woken up by a knock on the door and answering it when no one's there.
26. Having to shovel snow and/or brush off a car.
27. Typing out long emails or blog entries only to get fucked over by my phone.
28. Not getting any (even junk) mail for more than three days.
29. That every letter on my phone's keyboard is paired up with another, with the exception of m and l.
30. Precipitation of any kind.
31. Waking up with a cat's ass pointed in my general direction.
32. Not being able to fall asleep when I have to wake up the next day at an early hour.
33. Lighting a cigarette and being called away from it for more than 15 seconds.
34. My hatred of little things.
35. Skips and scratches on my favorite cd's.
36. Being single when I'm alone and not being single when I'm in love.
37. Having to ponder the future. Almost constantly.
38. Cancer.
39. Common colds.
40. PMS.
41. Not being always entirely able to do the things I love the most, for either fun and/or profit.
42. Not having a computer.
43. Having no closure in the theft of my laptop.
44. Know-it-all Republicans.
45. Know-it-all Democrats.
46. Know-it-alls who don't know what they're talking about.
47. Jesus freaks.
48. The dryer, which buzzes every ten minutes after it's done.
49. Overly cheery people.
50. People who have no reason to be pissier than me.
51. That guy.
52. Not being that guy when I have every right to be that guy.
53. Clogged drains.
54. Carrots showing up randomly when they're not welcome in Italian dishes.
55. Lousy microwaves.
56. Not having time to get a newspaper on the way to work.
57. That I work in a bookstore that doesn't sell newspapers.
58. The price of the local newspaper is going up a quarter to 75 cents, and the newspaper isn't reporting it.
59. When I walk down the block to get a newspaper from the honor box and the tie on my glove gets caught in the box.
60. When that same honor box eats my change, and the only change I have is an exact four dimes and two nickels, while lacking the will to drive to the closest convenience store to break a $20 for a fifty cent daily.
61. The internet.
62. Tabloids.
63. Jennifer Aniston, because she has never met me and keeps getting her tiny heart broken by plastic celebrity losers.
64. That I may one day complete my collection of Friends on DVD, just because I'm sure she gets a cut of the profit.
65. Any movie with Aniston in it, because it probably sucks. Besides the greatest movie of all time, Office Space.
66. Ringtones that friends and/or bros make for you because you can't get them through any other service, because they sound like static crapped through a headphone into another headphone, and it sucks when you can't annoy someone else with your lousy ringtone if they can't understand it.
67. People with pointless, radio-ready ringtones on their cell phones. Like that chick. And that guy. And him...and her...and them...and probably me and you.
68. M&M dispensers that dispense only the standard-size M&Ms. I like peanut butter M&Ms...make one that can jam those through the pipeline.
69. The tv show Ghosthunters. C'mon. Please.
70. Almost-divorcees who can't end the relationship.
71. People who talk after the conversation is over.
72. People who try to continue a dead conversation after I've walked away.
73. My knees.
74. Broken things that I can't fix nor have the money to replace.
75. Paying rent on a place I'm hardly at, not staying at a big enough place for all of us, and not being able to find a place suitable to all of our needs.
76. Not being tired enough to go to bed with Jess.
77. Not being able to fall asleep when I think I am tired enough to go to bed with Jess.
78. Jess being asleep when I finally go to bed, and waking up when her damn alarm keeps going off. Over and over and over.
79. Oversleeping at the expense of a shower.
80. Pooping at the expense of a shower.
81. My slippers sliding off my feet as I make my way up the stairs.
82. Milk.
83. Justin Timberlake.
84. Girls with shorter hair than me.
85. Girls with unnecessarily long hair.
86. Big, puffy jackets. Especially the ones that make driving restrictive, or make fat girls look even fatter.
87. The New York Yankees.
88. Soda 12-packs with the cardboard "refridgerator dispenser" packaging that rips wrong after taking out one can.
89. Fucking up a very easy Sudoku puzzle.
90. Non-clicky pens and pens with blue ink.
91. A football landing in a puddle during a good round of catch.
92. Bills due and owing people money.
93. Pepsi.
94. ESPN when they don't show enough hockey highlights.
95. People who pronounce the word coupon like "q-pon".
96. People who expect to be treated like a customer but have no idea how retail works.
97. Corporations that have no idea how to treat a customer, especially after grooming a particular behavior for so long.
98. Losing the point of a really good train of thought due to baseless interruption.
99. Being wrong and having nothing to show for it.
100. Not having seen a good concert in a long time.
101. Not being able to find the cd that I really want to listen to.
102. Having to be quiet.
103. Radio stations playing early hits from still-relevant bands when they have new music out, while claiming they're playing new music but only playing new music that sucks.
104. The fact that I can have a damn good excuse for everything on this surface-scratching-only list.

That was too much work for one night, Stoggers. And mind you, about 98% of it was a product of about one week, just spit out of the top of my head. So if I don't get to you first, enjoy your February 14th. Peace and GOODNIGHT NOW!!