Complicated

Christmas

14

Sammy ran across the house, flying madly over imaginary roof tops, shouting commands to his reindeer. Jenny laughed at him, mixing the cookie dough ingredients all together. She was making cookies for Santa. Sammy flew through the kitchen and snatched a bite of the chocolate chip cookie dough. He squealed with laughter as Jenny began to chase him around the downstairs.

I was finishing up my shower, stepping out of the warm mist, toweling dry, dressing in my familiar pajamas. I stared at my reflection in the mirror. It was Christmas Eve. I asked myself: Can you see how far you’ve come? Do you see the long journey that has finally come to an end?

Do you see the happy, exciting, thrilling, suspenseful future? Do you feel the opportunities approaching?

Do you hear Josh knocking on the door?

Josh’s muffled voice was filled with concern. “Are you okay, Micky? You’ve been in there for an awfully long time.”

A smile relaxed the features of my face. The girl in the mirror sighed at me. You’re so in love with him, she told me, you’re lucky. I smiled at her, I know.

I flung the door open. “I’m just fine, Josh. You can stop your worrying.”

He chuckled. “Oh, I’ll never stop worrying about you, Micky. Come here,” he pulled me into an embrace.

I giggled and threw my arms around his neck. His warm lips pressed against mine and my back arched involuntarily. My stomach churned with excitement and a small sigh of contentment escaped my parted lips. His tongue darted between my lips. I thrust my hands through his thick hair and let my tongue slide over his.

I felt him force me backward. He pinned me against the doorframe. I kissed him, helplessly striving to satisfy his hunger and loosen his iron grip. His lips devoured mine with a passion I was not used to. I struggled to breathe and felt my vision blur. I tried to speak to him, whisper to him my pain, but my tongue wouldn’t form the words. I tried to control his travelling hands, but it was no use. He was set in his mind, he was below thinking—this was instinctive.

He broke away from my lips, and my chest heaved as my lungs flooded with the desperately needed oxygen. He ran fingers through my wet hair, kissing my jaw, my cheek, my neck.

“Are…are you okay?” I asked his shakily.

His breath fanned across my skin. “You smell amazing.”

“It’s…it’s the soap…I...I use.” I swallowed, my breaths in short pants now. I felt my body respond to his lips, to his kisses, to his touch.

“It’s you.” He whispered.

I swallowed again, my throat dry, my stomach filled with butterflies.

Josh cupped my chin in his hand. He pressed his lips to my ear and whispered huskily, “You have no idea how much I need you, do you?”

I felt my heart race faster. “No.”

He chuckled and pressed his lips to mine once again. “I love you, Micky. I love you so very much.”

I tentatively kissed his lips and replied, “I love you, too, Josh.”

He smiled. Before I knew what was happening, my feet left the ground and I was in Josh’s arms. I tightened my grip around his neck.

“Don’t worry,” he said, “I won’t let you fall.”

He walked down the hall with me in his arms to the guest bedroom. Jenny was chasing Sammy up the stairs. She raised an eyebrow at us.

Josh smiled. “Just putting Micky to bed, Mom.”

Jenny rolled her eyes. “Be quick. It’s late.”

Josh sighed. “But it’s only midnight.”

Jenny laughed. “And time for Sammy to be in bed.” She hurried him down the hallway. She paused when he dashed into his room and hopped into bed. She looked back at us. “Be careful, Josh. I trust you.”

Josh nodded. “Yes, ma’am.”

Jenny disappeared into Sammy’s room.

Josh looked at me. “Where were we?”

“Putting me to bed?” I prompted.

“Oh, right.” Josh strode down the hallway, into the guest bedroom, kicked the door shut, and set me on the bed. He climbed in beside me. He wrapped his arms around me, one propping my head up, one across my stomach. He laid his head against my shoulder and ducked his fingers under my t-shirt. His fingers traced circles across my skin.

I retrieved his fingers with mine and held his hand. “Josh…” I warned.

Josh chuckled in my ear and kissed my jaw. My grip loosened and he withdrew his hand from mine. In one smooth motion, he was on top of me, kissing me softly. I was astonished by him. I returned his kisses, breathing comfortably under his weight.

Josh whispered to me, “Trust me, Micky. I am in control of myself.” His fingers begun to wander again, but I didn’t stop them this time. I could trust him.

I spread my fingers through his hair and kiss him slower, urging him to slow down. “I trust you,” I told him.

Josh smiled, rubbing his nose along my neck. “That makes one of us.”

I shivered at his touch and said, “Only one? Your mom trusts you, too.”

He laughed and looked at me. “She’s the one I was referring to.”

I frowned. “But I just said that I trust you.”

He laughed again and returned to kissing me. “She’s not the one intoxicated by my kisses.”

“You’re saying I’m not competent enough…”

My words died as he kissed my neck and blew his cool breath against my bare skin. He pressed his lips against the tender spot and my back began to arch again. I kissed him, harder and deeper this time.

Josh chuckled and whispered, “That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

I frowned. What had I said? I shrugged it away and kissed him again. I liked kissing him. It was satisfying.

Josh groaned and rolled over. He lay beside me once more. I propped myself up on one elbow. “Why’d you stop?” I asked him, disappointed.

Josh sighed and said, “It’s time for bed.”

I crossed my arms over my chest. “What if I don’t wanna go to bed?”

Josh gave me an amused look. “Well, then…” He took my hand in his and kissed it. “I’ll have to will you into submission.”

He pulled me close to his chest and kissed my cheek. “Micky, I’ll still be here when the morning comes. You need to rest.”

I rested my head on his chest and yawned. “Maybe you’re right.”

I could feel him laugh as his voice box vibrated his chest. “I’m always right, Micky.”

I smiled. “Good night, Josh.”

Josh sighed. “Good night, Micky.” He sat up and I rolled off of him. I slid beneath the covers and snuggled in the warmth. Josh quietly opened and shut the door as he slipped out.

I truly did love him. With nothing more to think, I promptly fell asleep.

Around eight the next morning, Christmas morning, I woke up, my heart pounding. I snuck down the hall to his bedroom. I cracked the door open, crept in, and joined Josh under the covers. I peered down on his sleeping form, remembering the first time I had seen him here in this bed.

Then, that blessed December morning, I had needed him. Now, this beautiful Christmas morning, he needed me. He couldn’t live without me. I smiled at that thought and slid an arm around him. I pressed my lips to his warm lips and whispered, “Merry Christmas, Josh.”

I sighed contentedly and snuggled against his chest for warmth. I fell asleep with my fingers entwined with his. Nothing, from now until forever, would be too complicated for us to handle. All we would ever need is the other. All we would ever long for is the other. I silently presented Josh with the only Christmas gift he had truly wanted:

I love you, Joshua West. I love you and need you more than you could ever know. And I am yours completely.