Complicated

Me

13

We got in his KIA and drove away. Josh tuned the radio to some oldies channel and we sang at the tops of our lungs into his windshield. I laughed as Josh pretended that the car was going to careen over a cliff during the curvy section. Then he scared me as he acted like he wasn’t going to slow down for a red light. I screamed and shouted for him to stop. He just laughed and got lucky when the light turned green.

The mall parking lot was practically full. Josh had trouble locating an empty space. Once he did, we had to hike to get to the building. When we entered the mall, we were blasted with warm air. I kissed his red cheeks and he took my frozen fingers in his hand.

I picked out slipper socks that were red and green with matching pajamas from Macy’s. I tried on several fancy dresses for pure amusement and modeled them for Josh. Josh just shook his head and told me to hurry up. We left the department store and entered the mall. We ducked inside a videogame store, and I bought some game for Josh. He gave me a curious look when he saw me buying something. I just smiled and said it was a surprise.

When I asked him what he wanted for Christmas, he replied, “You are enough.”

Although the answer made me smile, it didn’t satisfy me. I needed to get him something special.

We browsed through a bookstore, but neither of us found anything thing that struck our fancy.

Around two, I noticed this strange emptiness to me—it hurt.

“You’re hungry.” Josh told me.

I frowned, “Really? That’s what it feels like? It’s been so long.”

He smiled. “It’s a good thing. What would you like?”

We walked down to the food court, hand in hand. I looked at the signs and chose to go with Chic-fil-a. I had the chicken sandwich and Josh ate a twelve-piece nugget meal. We sat in a large booth and made faces to people on the other side of the wall.

Josh and I were laughing so hard that I could barely think when a deep voice grunted my name. I turned around. It was Ron.

Ron’s brown hair was long—almost down to his shoulders. The tips were a faint blue. His face was haggard and his eyes told me that he hadn’t been sleeping.

I scooted over and let Ron sit next to me. “How are you, Ron?” I asked him. “Haven’t seen you for a while.”

He nodded. “You look good, Mick.” He pointed his head in Josh’s direction. “Who’s the guy?”

“This is Josh West.”

“Josh…You taking good care of my Mick?”

Josh gave me a hesitative look. I nodded at him. “Yeah…Ron, I’ve been taking excellent care of her.”

“Good, good,” he muttered. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes.

Something was wrong. I frowned. “What’s up, Ron? Why are you here?”

“I came to say my good bye.”

“Good bye? Where are you going?”

His lips were set in a thin line. “I’m changing schools.”

“Why?”

“Been bullied…been framed in a theft at school…been set up for a fight...got suspended for cheating…Some jerk’s out to get me, so I’m getting away.”

I gasped. “No! Who would do this?”

He shrugged. “Sarah’s new man…what’s his face.”

“Greg?”

“That’s the one.”

I gave Josh a concerned look. What was Sarah planning now?

“Look, Ron, I’m not sure and I don’t know why, but I think Sarah is out to get you. She’s probably trying to get to me through you, but I don’t know. All I know is this is just like Sarah. I’m so sorry she’s done this.”

Ron shrugged again. “Whatever. I’m growing tired of Gwinnett High…I don’t have you.”

I grimaced. He was still sore that I didn’t like him like that, was he? “Ron…”

“Don’t ‘Ron’ me,” he interrupted. “You broke my heart, Mick. There is nothing left of me. I’m stoned most days. I’m a wreck. And it’s because of you. I need to get away from you. You’re just poison to me.”

I fought back the tears. “No, Ron, no, I’m sorry, it’s not my—”

“Don’t say it! Mick, it is your fault! Don’t deny it! Stop running from me, from the truth…” He lowered his voice. “Look at me, Mick. Look.”

I raised my tear-filled eyes. I saw a boy with a problem. I saw a boy filled with pain. I saw a boy looking for someone to love, for someone to come save him. I dropped my gaze.

“I can’t help you.” I told him.

“Of course, you can’t. You never could. Our destinies were joined but never crossed. And here is where they part. Good luck, Mick. I hope your life turns out to be worth it.” He stood and walked away.

I bit my lip and turned my face from Josh. I felt him slide in the booth on my side of the table. He wrapped his loving arms around me. He pressed his lips to my temple.

I asked him, “Is it true?”

“Is what true?” He murmured.

“Is it my fault?”

He shook his head. “His problem is not your fault.”

“Then whose is it?”

“His.”

I looked up at him. “How do you know?”

“He let this happen to him. He allowed for these things to negatively influence him. He chose to react the way he did. It’s his fault, Micky.”

I nodded, wiping the tears from my eyes.

“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade,” He grinned at me and snuggled around my waist.

I laughed. “Easier said than done.”

“Oh, yeah,” Josh said. He pressed his lips to my neck. “You ready to go home yet?

I turned my head and caught his lips with mine. “Almost,” I told him.

“What else could you possibly want to do here?” He groaned, sitting up and sliding out of the booth. He picked up the bags, and I threw our trash away.

I smiled and said, “It’s a secret.”

He raised an eyebrow at me. “Meaning, you don’t know yet.”

I frowned. “No…”

He grinned. “Fine, let’s go.”

We walked down to Nordstrom. I knew that their items were generally more expensive, but I still had to find the perfect gift for Josh.

We passed through the cosmetic counters. I halted something caught my eye. Josh rolled his eyes and drifted over to the men’s shoes. I double checked my vision. I shook my head and walked over to the Clinique counter.

“Hey, Sarah,” I greeted calmly.

Sarah White turned around. I took in the sight of her: she was wearing a Clinique apron, black dress pants, a black blouse, barely any make-up, and dark circles under her eyes. It surprised me that she was working. She didn’t seem like the hard-working, money-earning type.

Sarah’s face paled. “Micky.”

I smiled. “How’s it going?”

She blinked. “What are you doing here?”

I frowned. “I’m shopping…”

“Why?”

“Because this is a mall, where people shop.”

“No,” she shook her head, “why are you here? You’re…you’re mental. You should be…high…or dead.”

I blinked. I’m mental?

Sarah continued, “You shouldn’t be here…seeing me like this…You should be…you should be…”

“Relax, Sarah,” I said, allowing genuine concern to flood my voice. “Everything is okay.”

She shook her head. “No, Micky, it isn’t!”

I frowned. “What is wrong?!”

She rubbed her exhausted eyes and confessed, “Your life sucks…Mine is supposed to be the good one…Why am I the one working? Why am I the boyfriend-less one? It isn’t right…It’s not fair.”

I chose my words carefully. “Life isn’t fair, Sarah.”

Her eyes flashed. “Really?”

I cleared my throat. “Sarah, my sister killed herself, my mom ran off with your dad, my dad is gone somewhere on business, my grades suck…You’re life looks better than mine.”

She sniffed, wiping away the tears. “You’re just saying that.”

I sighed. “Yeah, I am. I’d much rather be the nicer person…I’d much rather be me.”

Sarah’s jaw clenched. “You’re wrong, you know.”

“How so, Sarah?”

“Dad and your mom are gone.” She looked up at me. “I have a witless mother. I failed two of my classes. All of this…frustration gets pent up.”

“You’re a bitch, Sarah, don’t deny it.”

Sarah sighed. “It doesn’t excuse my actions, true, but listen, Micky, for just one moment, listen to me. My life isn’t great. I…I can’t get anything else from it. I’m…I’m done with life.”

I studied the contents inside the glass case. “Sarah, I can’t help you discover your new life Find someone who still gives a damn about you. They’ll help you.”

Sarah bit her lip. “You were my friend—”

“No, Sarah,” I faced her, “I was never your friend. I don’t have any intention to be your friend now either. Don’t come crawling for me for help. Take care of yourself. Live your own life.”

I turned around and strode away. I heard Sarah begin sobbing. I picked my pace up. I turned it into a fast walk, a jog, a run, a sprint. I dashed across the first floor to Josh’s waiting arms. I flung myself into his safety, burying my fear in his love.

“What was that about?” Josh asked me.

I take in a deep breath. “I told Sarah off.”

Josh smiled softly at me. “Good for you. You’re healing, Micky. That’s good.”

I returned his smile. “Find any shoes you like?”

Josh shrugged and held up a pair. “These are my favorite,” he said, hinting for a gift idea.

“Do you want them?” I asked, grinning.

Josh nodded. “Please? Oh, please, can I have them?”

I giggled. “Yes, you may.”

I bought the shoes. They weren’t what I had in mind, but they made him happy. Josh and I carried our bags out to the car, cramming the newly purchased items in his KIA’s trunk.

Josh drove us home. When we walked in the house with all of our bags, Jenny panicked, asking if all the items were presents. We told her yes and she was urgently in need of more wrapping paper. Josh and I grinned and told her that we’d go out and get some more.

That’s how the next few days passed: Jenny would ask a favor. Josh and I would follow through. When we were in between assignments, we were in his room, on his bed, just kissing, just reminiscing. Or, we were in his car, in the back seat, furiously kissing, passionately uttering. Or, we were in the elevators, pressing the emergency stop button, pausing to make-out.

We did that a lot—make out. I was okay with it. I mean, who wouldn’t be? It makes you feel better, all that physical contact. It makes me realize even more that I need him to live. It forces me to depend on him even more. The more we kiss, the more he says he needs me, the more he says he cannot survive without me, the more Josh says he loves me.

I love him, too. Perhaps that’s what my gift to for Christmas should be…My love. After all, he said that it would be enough.

Christmas was in two days. I sighed, staring at the white ceiling. I was in bed, thinking. Today was the one year anniversary of The Day. Today was the day when my family should be dressing nicely and visiting her grave. I bit my lip, fighting back the tears.

I wished my mother hadn’t left. I wished my father cared. I wished Amber was still alive. I wished that Life wasn’t so damn complicated. I wished that I would never disappoint my husband and children one day.

There was a quiet knock on my door and I told whoever it was to enter. Josh cracked the door open and poked his head in. He studied me for a moment. I was lying in bed in my pajamas, covers thrown back.

“You know it’s almost twelve, right?” Josh asked me, entering the guest bedroom and sitting on the edge of the bed.

I sighed again and said, “Yeah.”

Josh gave me a smile and took my hand in his. “What’s wrong, Micky?”

“It’s the one year anniversary of The Day…I was just thinking…I mean, my family didn’t survive a year after Amber’s death…It’s sad.”

Josh nodded. “But another family was built in just a few days.” He squeezed my hand. “And this family isn’t going anywhere.”

I smiled up at him. “Thanks, Josh.”

Josh grinned. “You’re very welcome.”

I glanced at the ceiling again. “But I have to wonder…Where did my mom go? And will my dad really come back? What if he doesn’t? And what if my mom show up again, expecting money or something? Now that my family is pretty much history…What do I do?”

Josh leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. “We’ll play it by ear.”

I frowned at him. “That’s not very helpful.”

Josh scooted over and leaned against the headboard. I sat up. He put his arm around me and said, “Micky, you need realize I’ll take care of you. If you’re dad doesn’t come back, we’ll figure arrangements out for you. If you’re mom shows up again, we’ll see what she wants and what you’re willing to do.” He smiled at me. “And if you’re not satisfied, then I’ll make you be happy.”

I raised an eyebrow at him. “Oh, yeah?”

Josh gave me an innocent nod. “Yup.”

I crossed my arms. “And how do you plan to accomplish that?”

Josh shrugged. “Oh…you know…I’ve got ideas.”

I giggled. “Like what?”

“Oh,” he said simply, “I can’t tell you…they are surprises…”

I rolled my eyes at him.

Josh kissed me and said, “It’ll be all right.”

I nodded.

“Today isn’t any different than yesterday or tomorrow.” Josh looked me in the eye, “You’re still mine.”

I grinned. “And you’re still mine.” I threw my arms around him and kissed his neck. “I love you, Josh.”

Josh laughed. “Happy Anniversary of The Day, Micky.”

I smiled. “Here’s to many more!”

I drew his lips to mine and closed my eyes. I inhaled his scent and pressed our lips together. Life was all right. I was alive. I was safe. I was kissing Josh. What else would I ever need?

I pulled away, teasing him, and looked into Josh’s eyes. His lips spread into a smile and chased after mine.

What else would we ever need?