Complex Numbers

Fraudian Slip

This will be mind-numbingly boring to many people, so feel free to skip it.

http://www.reuters.com/article/marketsNews/idINBOM36807220090107

BANGALORE, Jan 7 (Reuters) - The chairman of India's Satyam Computer Services (SATY.BO) (SAY.N) resigned on Wednesday, saying profits had been inflated over the last several years.

Summary: This outsourcing company in India didn't just cook the books, they covered up the stink of the rotting accounting meat with liberal quantities of the financial equivalent of hot curry, ginger and garlic. The result was, like some Indian food, outwardly palatable but inwardly... disturbing. As in, it disturbs your innards.

1. The Balance Sheet carries as of September 30, 2008

[a lot of numbers, which when translated from Hindi to Accountese to English amounts to "You know all that money we said we had? Well, about that...]

Basically, they tried to cover this up by "buying" with their "cash" a bunch of companies with the name "Maytas" (yes, Satyam spelled backwards) - all of which were owned by the owner's family - at overinflated prices. This would put a bunch of assets on the books to replace the cash that wasn't there. Confused? You're supposed to be.

I am also taking the liberty to recommend the following steps:

1. A Task Force has been formed in the last few days to address the situation arising out of the failed Maytas acquisition attempt. ...

In other words, these foxes can now guard the henhouse.

2. Merrill Lynch can be entrusted with the task of quickly exploring some Merger opportunities.

I wouldn't trust Merrill Lynch to tie my shoes. And I wear slip-ons.

3. You may have a restatement of accounts' prepared by the auditors in light of the facts that I have placed before you.

Translation: We lied. We can lie again.

l am now prepared to subject myself to the laws of the land and face consequences thereof.

Translation: I am willing to accept the consequences of my actions, unlike those weasels over at Enron, or that Madoff schmuck, who screwed you and then didn't own up to it. But you're still screwed.

The ultimate irony in all this?

I'm told that in the local dialects, "Satyam" means "Truth."

A slightly less confusing article:

http://www.reuters.com/article/companyNews/idUKTRE5061W020090107?symbol=SAY.N