365 Day Journal Challenge

Day 18-life of every man is a diary

"The life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story, and writes another; and his humblest hour is when he compares the volume as it is with what he vowed to make it." -James M. Barrie


Wow, that one was deep.  And so true.  And then there is this one…but then I feel that sometimes what we want for ourselves, the book we wrote in our heads is not necessarily what is good for us and does not take into consideration anyone else’s influence in our lives.  I think the most gratifying and relieving moment is when you realize that you are glad you got derailed because you see how the path you were going would not have let you to what you have or are now.  And you would not know either way because whatever you became is actually the only story that is worth reading.  You can’t exchange the rough times in your life and keep the wisdom you learned from surviving it.  It’d be like holding two decks of cards, one with the real diary and one with the planned one and then shuffling it.  Then, you don’t have a mix of two lives, you have a jumbled up mess.  Then you can’t see either life clearly and what have you learned. 

Then again, being humble isn’t a bad thing either.  It means that you have to admit at some point that what you thought was your goal, perhaps what you were driven to conquer for years out of your life was time spent in the wrong direction and this can truly be heartbreaking if you don’t take a moment to realize that this time may not have been spent foolishly.  We just have to stop when we realize we are continuing a path merely b/c it is in our script when the byproducts of the journey are no longer in alignment with what simply the reality of our lives.  Its fine to have dreams and direction but we all have things were are good at and things we aren’t.  Its fine for a five foot tall man to be a fanatic about basketball but at some point, he needs to decide if his dreams will ONLY be met PLAYING or if he could perhaps fashion a life around announcing games, coaching, owning a team, or other jobs dealing with the sport he lives or will he decide stubbornly that if he can’t play, he will have nothing else to do with the sport.  Or is there a middle ground here.  We all have passions and I think, when one looks back at their life vs. the one they thought they would live, they will see some areas that stayed constant and connected the two stories.  Perhaps, instead of being a famous writer, you’ve become an English teacher who trains the next generation to be writers (while writing a bit on the side).  Or one dreams of being a doctor or physical therapist and ends up a social worker in the medical field because they got a double dose of people skills and skipped the math line altogether before being born.  That’s when the life goals aren’t in line with one’s talents. 

Is it worse to love medicine but stink at math and get derailed into another field, or to be an accountant and HATE the job but ended up in the field ONLY b/c you are good at math, not because you liked that job.  To prevent the two diaries from being so different, one has to follow their talents AND their interests and take opportunities when the come.  I love what Randy Pausch said in “The Last Lecture”.  He said brick walls are for those who half heartedly think,
“Gee, I want to try that” without having much motivation for succeeding.  To them, this is a big red sign reading, Wrong way, too hard, don’t bother entering.    It keeps the halfhearted out of the arena.  However, the brick walls to those who are determined are training grounds to strengthen your arms so you can make it over and get through the challenges that come afterward. 

Sometimes, we walk around with our eyes half closed and bump into a wall and say, “oops, wrong direction” and we right ourselves and go another way.  NO foul, no harm done, no disillusionment that we have been turned away from the one thing we always dreamed of doing.  This isn’t such a bad thing.  Maybe we should let opportunity or lack thereof guide us toward the path we should go instead of trying to engineer our opportunities and dig trough’s where creeks aren’t accustomed to flowing. I am going so far off the point here, I do apologize.  I’m just wondering to myself, how much  effort must we make to keep our real lives as close to the imagined ones or is it not okay to say, “I know this is what I wanted to do for years but its just not where I am anymore” and consciously choose to divert oneself from the original plan.  If we feel okay doing this (not quitting necessarily but choosing another route from that which we planned in the past), I think we will look back on the two diaries with pride that we had the courage to step off the train and get onto another one when it was best for us.  Change is hard and discarding an old dream isn’t easy either.  Replacing it with a new one makes it more bearable.  And when change comes involuntarily, finding a new direction based on the new facts gives us a good excuse to re-evaluate.  We may still choose a similar path than before but we have a moment to do a reality check and see if what we had planned in our dream diary is really the way we need to go. 

Well, I think I need to stop now before I confuse myself.  Ya’ll have fun figuring all this out.  I’ve been reading Eckhart Tolle’s book, A New Earth.  It is really good and thought provoking. Maybe I can get a quote out here in the journal before the end of the 31 days. 

Take care, everyone.
SWPoet




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