Life's Funny That Way

Diary of Jane

“As I burn another page
As I turn the other way
I will try to find my place
In the diary of Jane.”

~Breaking Benjamin~

Now that the last line has run through my head all day (I’ve heard the song a million times, but never knew all the words…LOL), I have time to reply to the post.  To me, it means trying to find what you meant in someone else’s life.  I guess sometimes you never really know.  You know in the case of your close friends and family… most of the time.  Then again, I have found some of my family are closer to me that I originally thought.  My family isn’t huge, but there are 13 of us “grandkids” (no matter how old we are, we will always refer to ourselves that way.  LOL), so there’s a good number of us.  I guess if certain things hadn’t happened in life, we may not have known how close we really are, if that makes sense.

In another aspect of relationships, you may not know what place you have in another’s life.  The song reminds me of a person who was a good friend of mine long ago (I was a teenager, imagine that).  We were such good friends, and everyone thought we were dating, which we vehemently denied.  Then, we did date for a short while – we figured if everyone thought we were, we might as well say we were.  We did the same things together… went to movies, went out to eat, went to parties, only the relationship changed.  We grew apart after that, and I’m not sure that either one of us really knew why.  We may have been better off just staying friends.  He eventually moved away, but I caught up with him online quite a few years back.  I think we both wonder what the pages of each other’s diary would say about our feelings at the time.  What purpose did we serve in each other’s life?  How did we really feel?  Why in the heck did we ever start actually “dating” anyway, knowing that part of what we liked to talk about was different guys (in my case) or girls (in his case) that we liked or were interested in?  Is that why we finally started dating?  What the heck happened anyway?  Sometimes I thought, maybe, that I held his friendship too close and that kept other guys from asking me out more… maybe he felt the same…. Maybe I liked him more than I was letting on… maybe he liked me more than he was letting on…. Maybe it was none of the above. 

To me, these are the questions that the line, “I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane” attempts to answer.  Basically, “where do I fit in to this person’s life.”….. just my interpretation, and I may be wrong.


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