The Mess Love makes

Chapter Eleven: Crash and Burn

Chapter Eleven

         The old, Victorian styled house was throbbing with people. Its circular drive and the street it lay on were filled with cars from all sorts of people. Hayley smoothed her long, dark blue cocktail dress as she sashayed into the dinning room which had been decked out to be a ball room. She was feeling… brave.
         “Hails!” Chelle greeted her from her husband’s side. “You made it! That’s so great – it wouldn’t have been a party without you!”
         “You’re looking stunning tonight, Miss Cherél,” added Steve in his poshest accent as he bent to kiss her hand.
Hayley smiled.
         “Four years, huh? Happy anniversary, and many congratulations,” she replied warmly, toasting them with the glass of Champaign she held in her right hand.
The couple looked at each other, and smiled a smile that ran deep between them.
         “Thanks, Hayley,” Chelle said, stepping forward to kiss her on the cheek. “Though I must warn you, Leo is here tonight. And he brought his bulging wife.”
News that Laura was pregnant had hit Hayley hard, but as the months had gone on she had comforted herself with the idea that the baby would have Laura’s crooked front teeth and Leo’s bent nose.
         “Thanks for the warning, Chelle,” Hayley said swiftly as she caught sight of Alex lurking near the door way, “but I think I’ll handle it just fine.”

         “Alex!” she called, hurrying to embrace him. “Come on in, you’re kind of late; dinner will be starting in a  few moments – you should make yourself known to Chelle and Steve before we sit down…” she babbled excitedly. He was looking so handsome in his all black suit with its elegant silky cream tie.
         “Calm down, Hails,” he hushed fondly. “I’ve actually been here for a while, but every time I wanted to talk to you, you were animatedly involved with discussing suitable bras with that Janet Berkley.”
         “Oh,” blushed Hayley, “you shouldn’t have been listening to that conversation!”
         “Never mind,” quipped Alex lightly, “it wasn’t offending. In fact, I seem to now be fairly well informed of how low the backs should be, or whether one should wear a bra at all with certain dresses.” The twinkle in his eye gave away how much he was enjoying the flame that had spread itself across Hayley’s cheeks. “In fact, I think I’ll be taking that advice next time I dress up for a dinner party.”
         “Indeed?” said Hayley, her sophisticated dress and stylish hair curls, mixed with the heady effects of the wine caused her to adopt a much finer air than she normally would. In fact, she reminded herself occasionally of her mother. “Well, I must say, you’d do well to stay away from pastel colours – and don’t forget to let me do your make up.”
         “A beauty such as I never need wear make up,” said Alex loftily in as feminine voice as he could manage.

Before Hayley could start giggling, an announcement over the microphone at the front of the vast room alerted all the guests that they should be seated for the up coming dinner. The food was delicious, the mood sensationally elegant and the conversation grew more and more random as the night went on, and Champaign bottle after Champaign bottle was emptied.

The Jazz band that Chelle and Steve had hired had begun to play numbers suitable for slow dancing to, and the hall had slowly filled up with standing, swaying bodies as people finished their meals.
         
         “Ahem.” said a deep voice behind Hayley. She turned. “Would you care to dance, Ma’am?”
         “Why, Alexander; that would be lovely.” She smiled, and promptly left her seat.
Leading her onto a space on the crowded dance floor, Alex pulled Hayley’s lithe body to him, leading her into slowly swaying steps.

         “Hayley,” Alex said softly and carefully as they swayed to the gentle beat. “I need to tell you something.”
She looked at him, her eyes sparkling with life in the dim light, her curled hair falling glamorously over her bare shoulders, and Alex thought to himself that he’d never seen her so beautiful.
         “Yes?” she murmured, something in his eyes catching hers and making her feel drawn to him like a magnet.
         “I… I think…” he swallowed, and looked down between their dancing bodies for a split second, before looking up at her again with a much lowered head.
         “Yes?” she said again, gently, her brown eyes pools watching him intently now.
         “I think,” he repeated, “that I’m in love with you.”
Alex felt rather than heard Hayley’s intake of breath, as her steps faltered. Unconsciously, his brows lowered in concentration, and he bit his lip as a bright look of hope entered his eyes. She stared at him for a moment, before moving her gaze away from his. In that instant, Alex wanted to pull away, tell her that he hadn’t meant it – anything to save his pride and their friendship. But he was stuck, following her eyes as the smile left her face and she looked into the distance with a bleak expression.

At same time in which Alex’s mind was throwing insecurities at him; Hayley had taken a step back from herself and was asking ‘What do I feel? Do I love him? I suppose I always found him attractive…’ and then a new thought that came unbidden, unwanted, but still sticking like glue to her foremost thoughts. ‘What about what I feel for Leo?’ She snuck a glance at the subject of her confusion, who was smiling into Laura’s eyes as he stood with her at the side of the room. She watched as Leo caressed his wife’s extremely rounded belly, leaning carefully around the bump to slowly meet her lips. She felt powerless to move her gaze away, the familiar ache returning to her chest. She watched as his hand threaded into Laura’s hair passionately, and the dull pain retracted in her stomach.

If that wasn’t love, she didn’t know what was.

         “I see.”
Alex’s voice brought her back, and Hayley realised that she had been watching Leo for some time. She watched as his body tensed rigidly, showing gallons of self control.
         “Oh, Alex…” she said, flustered. She didn’t know how she felt, always having seeing the man in front of her as a friend who was terribly, terribly attractive. Going out with him was not the worst she could do… but he would be second best to Leo; and worse, he would know it. “I’m so sorry.”
         “It’s ok.” He said, tight lipped, letting go of her abruptly, so that she was left feeling suddenly empty and alone. “I understand.”
         “No, no you don’t.” she said, pleading with him to stay and talk, begging with her eyes, her hands, her body as she moved to block his way when he tried to turn and leave. “Please understand that it isn’t because I don’t feel anything for you, Alex…”
         “It’s because you still cling to the love you have for Leo.” He answered for her, a muscle jumping in his cheek as he clenched his jaw.
         “I… I suppose.” she said, a little startled that he could say it when she couldn’t. She fought to regain self control a brilliant flame of focus igniting inside her; ‘I need to explain.’ “You would be…”
         “Only second best.” He finished.
She looked at him, defeated, realising that he had already worked it out for himself. She couldn’t understand the deflated feeling that filled her, but she did recognise the hysteria rising in her that made her grab the collar of his dinner jacket and stare into his eyes intensely. If Alex’s body showed relentless control, the emotion in his eyes burned the anguish he felt deep into Hayley’s mind. ‘I’ll never forget that look,’ she caught herself thinking in some detached, far away place her sanity was hiding.
         “Don’t hate me, Al.” she pleaded, searching his eyes. “You are far too precious a friend for me to lose you now.”
         “I don’t hate you.” He whispered, leaning forward so that his forehead touched hers, his eyes closing as he took a deep breath and held it. Hayley closed hers as well, feeling the relief well up inside her. He sounded, felt, acted like the sensual, tender teenager he let come to the fore so rarely. She could feel his warm breath on her face as he whispered “But I have to go.”

         Wrenching himself from her grasp, Alex walked past her with quick, controlled, determined steps. Hayley’s body was turned on her heels as she fought to keep her hold on him, not knowing what she’d say – just knowing she wanted him to stay, knowing she’d never be able to live without him in her life. She felt the rough wool of his jacket slide under her touch as she grasped at his sleeve desperately. Her eyes welled up with tears as his broad back turned against her, like a solid brick wall that shut out all the hurt he’d just left behind him. She understood. Didn’t she go through the same thing with Leo? Letting him go, because he loved someone else? She closed her eyes, and opened them as a tear ran down her flawless powdered cheek. She watched as Alex’s back walked unyieldingly through the ballroom door, and disappeared from sight.


*  *  *  *  *


         Everything was a blur, taking a hurried leave of the Pattersons (Chelle and Steve), thanking them for inviting him to their anniversary party… storming out of the front door… searching for his car keys. In his desperate attempt to find his car and make a fevered exit to the huge mansion, he managed to drop his car keys twice before reaching his black ‘Honda’. The jingle and crash as they hit the ground made him wince – every time he crouched near the floor made him want to lie there and let what ever happen, happen. He vaguely recollected swinging the dark, driver’s side door open, sliding into the leather seat; slipping the keys into the exhaust with shaky hands. The car started with relative ease, and Alex practically burnt rubber as he shot out of the Patterson’s circular drive as fast as his wheels would go. His hands on the steering wheel gripped like he was hanging on for dear life – his knuckles turned white and his fingernails began to bite into his palms.

It was raining. How ironic that the way he felt inside be depicted by the weather. He checked the dashboard. One a.m., half a tank of petrol, 60 miles per hour. A camera flashed, blinding him. ‘What’s a parking ticket if I can get home and take an over dose on sleeping pills so that when I wake up, this is all over?’ thought Alex bitterly, and he pressed down harder on the accelerator. He was up to 70 miles per hour now, and the rain was beating down on his car and windscreen erratically. Angrily, Alex twisted the wheel to turn sharply into the next deserted street. He was going so fast, the flash of headlights startled him.

The crash didn’t even register in his unconscious mind, as the engine exploded into flame.