Despertar

oh, what a funny growth

Quantum of Solace sucked, but going on a date, a real one, with Justin, was amazing. Little jolts of electricity every time our arms accidentally touched. I put up the armrests in between us, and he didn't move them back.

The thing is, it's always his idea, getting back together. I don't know whether it's a control thing, an impulse thing or what, but just as he freaks out whenever I get too close, he can't stand having me too far away, either. He said he thinks he loves me. He's never said that before. He wanted to sip rum straight from the bottle and people-watch from my living room window, but it was late after the movie, not many people out.

During sex, if I tried to look away, he put his hand on my cheek and guided it back. Eye contact. After the second round, he wanted to cuddle. He spent the night of his own volition, another something he's never done.

I don't know what's sadder: the depth of my feelings for him, or the fact that I know not to trust them anymore.