Despertar

guilty as charged

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I was thinking about this the other day, actually. And it's weird: Even though I, personally, am a total counterexample to like four major stereotypes*, I'm definitely the first person to paint other people into little boxes based on early snapshot impressions.

Politically charged times like these absolutely bring out the worst in me. I had a dream, last night, after watching the debate and all the commentary afterward, in which I made friends with some strange lady, and followed her to what she advertised as a fun party. We were there, partying, and suddenly some wire tripped or something, the lady revealed herself as a Republican via some snarky comment about Obama, and I realized the "party" was actually a McCain/Palin rally. I woke up with exactly the same physiological response as what I have after a major nightmare.

I know that it's cyclical, and that every group--be it racial, political, social or cultural--is totally responsible for vilifying every other group, and passing on prejudices. Before Ernie, I had never met a single person who identified himself as conservative (except one estranged cousin of my mom's, estranged precisely for the offense of being a conservative), and I know that is largely because of my parents' careful planning, their choice of the most hippie-and-immigrant-saturated, organic-food-filled school system available in the state.

I know things I heard growing up--my mother never says the word Republican without first using the epithet evil, as in, "Why don't I like him? Because he's an evil Republican"--still rattle around in my brain and get tangled up with more useful facts I've picked up about economic deficits, abortion bills and healthcare reform plans. It's hard for me to judge the validity of my own judgments anymore. Last night I heard McCain describe his supporters as "nothing but the most dedicated, loyal, good people," and my immediate reactions were (1) that stupid people aren't good people, and only stupid people still believe in the stark American/terrorist dichotomy, and (2) that they aren't even "dedicated"--they're either McCain supporters because (a) the conservative platform will directly benefit them by conserving corporate, old-money resources, or (b) they are neither educated nor exposed enough to realize they don't have enough money to belong to the group benefitted by trickle-down theory, and that a vote for McCain on the basis of "family values" is a wasted vote, because government has never succeeded in reaching people's moral decisions, anyway. Also, (3) I wondered how many of those "dedicated" people are just these people, unhooded: http://www.236.com/feed/2008/05/22/kkk_supports_john_mccainsort_o_6707.php

And I know that's bad. I know that needs to get better. I'm just as bad as the crazy neo-Nazis I see in the faces of people who entertain apples-and-oranges connections between religion and leadership ability. And I know that video that surfaced, the KKK one, is inconclusive at best, but come on, seriously. Can't we assume, just by default, that you don't find too many Knights at Obama rallies?

I guess I really don't know where to start being less judgey of people who are or might be too conservative for my liking. I think it's a question of just meeting more of everybody, rehumanizing everybody. Knowing Ernie is a big help; it reminds me that I don't have to agree with a friend because our worldviews are equally relevant to the administration, anyway. Knowing Aaron is a big help, too; it kind of pushes me to admit that no one should really get away with blaming their politics on their upbringing, because it is possible to dissent.

I think I'd like to raise my kids in a swing state.

But, in the citified part.

*I'm black, but my parents, apparently (even I didn't realize this till this election), are in the top five percent of American earners. I also test well and I'm not religious. I remember this one time, communicating via phone with this school administrator who wanted me to organize tutors to send for some of her kids, said this to me: "Between you and I, I'd really prefer if you could just send some standard people to work with the kids this time. I'm just struggling with why they keep sending so many...colorful people over here. I thought the point was to kind of broaden their horizons." When she met me in person for the first time, shock flashed through her face; I literally watched her remember what she had said to me over the phone. So I guess I don't sound like me, either.

*I'm in law school, but I'm not an asshole (yet).

*I'm a girl, but I'm good at math.

*I'm a (relatively) smart person, but I'm totally not above making ridiculous, completely unintelligent decisions for love. (See Marcus, Justin. If you need proof.)

Also, and this is totally unrelated, I have never felt as confused as I do right now, about Justin. If the rest of life is going to be this confusing, I really need to abandon all hope of ever having a career, and just focus on mastering the day-to-day.