I'm Studying You

Almost There

Stoggers! A fine start to the weekend to you, and what is UP! I have a lot of material to work into the tiny box on the screen so I'mma hit it faster than daylight after an all-hours bender on a Carribean beach.

I was going to call this entry "Fuck The Police", but I need to uphold my upstanding-citizen reputation in the community. And by "upstanding" I don't mean walking erect. And I will spare my fine Studyees the dick jokes. Except for one. I was seated.

Anyway, big big B-I-G steps today with Jess. I'm talking flights of stairs big. After spending some time with her today at The Wall, she calls and asks if I would like to go to the mall (haha that rhymes!) with one of her sons and his friend (shit that don't rhyme). So I take a break from cleaning in preparation for her Sunday introduction to your Chief Librarian's master domain (again...spare me of the dick jokes Seinfeld fans, or you'll be kicked out ) to go with them to get her kid some school clothes.

Alex is a nice kid. Cute with a great sense of humor. His friend Zack (no relation to Z.˚rz ) is a fucking terrible little brainless a-hole bit much of a handful (please, again, keep the dick jokes away from that sentence, you filthy pervs out there) and tends to rub off the wrong way on Alex (don't even say I'm putting dick jokes into your, umm, heads).

Alex and I bonded quick. He can be a nice boy when he wants. I let him try on my hat when we got to the mall parking lot because he said he liked it. And I was a gentleman, holding doors, engaging the kids, goofing around and generally being my sweet and sarcastic self.

Did I mention we got there around 5pm?

Some of the antics included tripping, pushing someone of a bench, wearing a cat ears headband and throwing a shoe. All commited by yours truly in the dope hat, Stoggers. Let it be known that I can't be taken anywhere .

But that doesn't compare to letting the boys run like banshees through Kids' Pottery Barn while J and B (which doesn't stand for Jim and Beam, for the record) laid down on a display bed and cuddled for about 10 minutes. We tried hiding our affectashishness for each other because we didn't want to send Alex the wrong message, but by then they were already on to us.

I know, the "Aww, cuuuute!" moment of the night up in The Library, right Studyees? Wrong. Well, maybe half-wrong, depending on your definition of "cute".

As the mall closes (?!? Four and a half hours?? Yup. I did it. I manned up and toughed it out with two 13 year olds who should've gotten kicked out of the mall. Represent!) we get some Dairy Queen and I was spoonfeeding her the Blizzard we shared on the way to the car when she realized she should've bought one for her other son, so we stopped at the DQ by us and picked one up after I hatched the master plan. Library Nation, I went for the gold when she asked if I wanted to stop at DQ before she took me home. Without hesitation, I said, "You don't want it to melt, so why don't you drop the ice cream and the kids off first and then take me home?"

Studyees, take your hands off your keyboards and throw them in the air like your eyes are on fire and yell JACKPOT! with me over her thinking that was the best idea ever. It got me invited in and I got to meet Josh, her other son, who I like also.

The next "Aww, cuuuuute!" moment of the night came when she said she was gonna put some laundry in before she takes me home because she had to wash her son's jersey for his soccer game tomorrow. We go down in the basement, she starts loading the machine, and there's your hero, standing there after finding the jersey. It melted her.

We get back to my place and pull up this time in a parking space right in front of my house, but because she wants to get home and we both need to get up early, leaves the lights on and the engine running. The first goodbye kiss was the gateway drug, Stoggers. The second one was monumental. And the third one finished just in time, having, uhhh, come to fruition and leaving her a breathless and turned-on beast. Two for clutching and grabbing, as they would say in hockey.

And had the motherfuckin' 5-0 showed up ten minutes sooner, that's what he would've had on his hands. Some unneighborly "neighbor" called the cops to report a "suspicious vehicle". We're two-for-two on Fridays now with the pigs. And we're retiring with a 1.000 batting average. Next time it will be in a house, room, jail cell, whatever. And this cop was a dick (no joke). Ran both of our licenses and mine came up blemished. Damn you 2007, leave me alone! But my J was cool about it. And Studyees, if you see two people makin' out in a car down the street from you for like two hours, let it slide. If they've been there that long, it's neither a drug deal nor a plot to rob you.

Get in the house finally after some awesome exchanges of words about the evening and each other in general (but no "L" word, because Nicole wrecked my shit for dropping it during a phone call I actually did answer...and hey Nicole, no worries...you did come up in conversation and you're all clear ), and I get some texts. "U r amazing" is the first, and all the rest are not suitable for the PG rating implied by The Library's standards, so Stoggers, use your imaginations. She did.

Saturday should be interesting; Sunday even more so. And man I gotta catch some zzz's. Oh by the way, the man is 99.9% out of the picture. My lovely Studyees, after my cleanings-up tomorrow I plan on checking you out, if not before. Have your takes in The Drop-Off box and make 'em count. Til then, peace out and A GOODNIGHT NOW!!