I'm Studying You

My First Guest

Hello, and what is up. A fantastic Thursday to you all, and welcome to The Library. Studyees, I have a lot to get through and worked hard on being able to do it, so let's jump right into it and see how this goes.

My first guest in The Library is a 36 year old cashier at Walgreens that you all love to hate on. I saw her yesterday, caught her eye and initiated a discussion that will not be brought to you by On-Star, but will be unofficially be sponsored by Orbit whitening spearmint gum...it gets your teeth white or some shit, and tastes spearminty.

You may know her as Jessica, the CWC, or, by as longtime Studyees have begun referring to her as, SWC (Stupid Walgreens Chick). Thank you to chicochica for that take, and readers, have your own take in the comment section down below. The Drop-Off Box, if you will.

I went in there yesterday all spiffed up. Not gonna describe it again. She gasped enjoyably, "You had a job interview today!" and I shut her down quick, because I don't go to job interviews unshaven and wearing a Kangol, jeans and a purple velvety Adidas track jacket. And by the way adidas corp., stick to using the capital "a" on your press releases. "adidas" just looks bad. Run-DMC wouldn't have it, and you're a grown up company, so your "a" should be too.

She gushed about her job interview, and what would I do without her. What I should have said was "Find another cashier here to hit on". But I went with something lame like "I'd walk that far for you".

So welcome to The Library, Studyees, to the first-ever guest, Jess, brought to you via my T-Mobile Shadow's text messaging.

Start, 11:44am:
B: Oh by the way, good luck tomorrow.
J: With what?
B: Thought you said you have an interview tomorrow.
J: Yeah i do..
B: Well, good luck then. Get back to work.
J: Im on lunch.. N dont tell me what to do! By the way, n i shouldnt b sayin this,u look really good 2day!
B: All I was sayin was good luck! I would've brought you lunch. And, umm, thanks.
J: Thanks.. Did I make u blush? Lol
B: Maybe a little.
J: U can't even look me in the eye w/out blushing!
B: So I have some flaws. You love it.
J: Umm wouldnt call it a flaw.. What if were 2 date,u'd b red all the time!
B: Naw, I'd get used to it. Although I'd be pretty amazed if that ever happened.
J: Y
B: Cuz you're gorgeous, I'm me, and I've hit on you a lot to not be dating.
J: No im not n i would b datin u by now but u took 2 long!
B: No, you didn't say yes fast enough. I asked you 3 times and you kinda blew it off.
J: No! Not once!
B: Swear to god I asked in some way or another to go out some time. 3 times.
J: There u go..not an official askin out!
B: "We should meet someplace other than Walgreens" isn't official? Do I have to mail an invitation? Get down on bended knee? Damn.
J: Definately not official
B: How many people did you survey for that? How long is your break? Go back to work! It was official enough to feel rejected.
J: No way! I would like 2 take u out fri nite is official
B: Yes way! Sorry, didn't know there were rules to flirting. My bad for sucking at it.
J: There r not rules 4 flirting,but there r 4 askin some1 out so they no u mean more than just buds hangin out
B: Guess I didn't know that. I thought being obvious would be good enough and maybe if you didn't say yes before to me you'd actually ask me.
J: So wasnt obvious! Oh n what the hell r u talkin about
B: I thought I was very obvious. I was ashamed at my obviousness. But if you got to know me better you'd have me figured out.
J: Wow u were obvious! U must really b shy!
B: ?? Be nice to me!
B: Guess you'll hafta wonder. I'm shy, but I don't treat every cashier to DQ and engage them in conversation. But open me up and I'm definitely not shy.
J: Umm i believe i started the engaging conversation
B: You might be right, and if I thought 20 seconds faster I would've asked you out about 6 months before you told me I was too late. So you win. Happy?
J: Nope! Guess i should have asked u out!
B: No, I shoulda took my chances. But I would like you to be happy. So next time you work and have a break, let's not waste it on txting or smoking. Lunch, on me.
J: I dont think I should, want 2,but shouldnt
B: Fair enough and I can understand all of why.
J: please know its not u
B: It's ok, don't sound so sad. It's you. Again, really, good luck tomorrow. And yeah, it is a bit of me too...you just don't want to break my heart or something like that.
J: Its the fact that im w/some1, trust me, if i wasnt i would not hesitate 2 c u
B: I appreciate the sentiment. No worries. Just hope you're happy and doing the best for your boys, and I'm sure you are.
J: The sentiment? Its the truth! for some odd reason im attracted 2 ur dumbass!
B: Not like I'm dateable anyway. Loveable, sure. I've always been a cynic though, a realist. WTF. Get single.
J: Y "not dateable" ?
B: If you rip on me for not having a job or a car, I will be forced to make out with you...less.
J: Cant help it tryin 2 motivate u
B: I really was sick on mon and tues, but I did blow you off tues. Motivation? Appreciated, but I know what gets me going, and being employed won't change much.
J: Y's that
B: Why I was sick or why I blew you off? Or why things won't change once I get a job? And you don't know humorous I thought it was when you gasped about a job interview.
J: Y being employed wont change much
B: I most likely won't see you as much. I mean, c'mon, why do you think I go there? And sometimes I have good days and sometimes not.
J: good days n bad? N y did u blow me off
B: You were busy and I didn't think I got paid yet, and monday I did not get out of bed til 2:30 and didn't want to be seen yet. So lame, I know.
J: U dont have 2 say nethin its not my business sorry
B: What? Ok. It kinda was about you, but no, I wasn't hungover. I did puke today at one point. Oh, is that too much info?
J: Sorry ur usein ur min u just bought on me
B: Where'd that come from? And I'm not sorry. I picked up more.
J: What about me? Sorry ur sick
B: Wait, what about high maintainence you? And me being sick...um. I also took a football in the face today. End, 7:03pm.

Studyees, it's obvious what is wrong with this picture, on multiple fronts. And Studyees, I can tell you the one time in this textual conversation when I said the wrong thing, or at the same time
didn't jump on the right thing.

So have your take at The Drop-Off Box, Studyees. I would love to hear your thoughts.

Quick note, Studyees...if you haven't wished Noe a happy birthday, may you forget why you became a member in the first place. And I won't mention being a member of "what", because, ...who helped you log in anyway?

And to those I have shared text or IM conversations with? Yeah, I don't even have to go there. Big thanks to your bane, Studyees, and bigger thanks to be able to do this. Enjoy your night, and peace the fuck out. NOW!