I'm Studying You

Goodbye summer, we hardly knew ye.

This is it. The last day spent hanging out with the boys before they go back to school. I'm sure I'll bump into them from time to time, but I really don't think it'll be the same. Kinda a shame, but I'll live.

I gotta say, I think I learned a lot this summer from them. That I can still play some football (although the recovery time is much longer and I may have lost a step, and it'd be wonderful if someone can tell me how that works), I can be entertaining, and most importantly the value of friendships. I've seen these kids grow up a lot not only this summer, but over the last seven years that I've lived on this street. You can't put a value on something like what those kids have. You just can't. I'm glad to have been a tiny part of that, and hope that maybe they picked up a few things from me along the way. I've got their respect and shared much wisdom with them, and they know the door's open if they need a place to crash or an ear to rant about life to. And I know I've said this before, but I hope K-Wol, Jake, Ed, Monk and Winkz remain close for a long, long time.

And this has nothing to do with my ranting from yesterday.

The truest sense of friendship is knowing you can get away with calling somebody out for being a douchebag, or motherfucking them left and right for the dumbest of reasons, getting it right back five minutes later, and being able to sit down for a meal with them anytime. That's how you know you're down with me... I wouldn't pick on you if I didn't like you. If I don't like you, you're not worth my time and effort to joke around with.

I'm sure I'll see Jake and Monk the most because they're right upstairs, and K-Wol and Ed live a few houses down, but I think I'll miss Winkler a bit. He lives further away, but him and I seem to have a lot more in common...I see a lot of myself in him. He looks out for me if I'm not around and will bring me a bite to eat or an extra couple of smokes when he's got 'em...and that's another sign of quality friends...you don't keep score of little inconsequential shit like a $10-help-you-til-payday loan or count cigarettes or mind buying dinner when they're the only one at the restaurant with no cash.

Before I switch gears, look over to the left of your life, and look to the right of your life, and just tell someone "thanks for bein' there". When they shoot you a look like you just said the most random thing, tell 'em Bert said so, but smile to yourself for knowing why you meant it.

Anyway, let's talk about my least favorite subject: me. Today got off on a bad foot. Amber's idiot friends were over last night and woke me up at 1:30am pounding up and down the stairs and failing to keep it down outside, even after being asked to. I made it back to sleep around 6:30, and even though I slept til noon, I was in rough shape for awhile. And in no mood for that woman behind the counter at Walgreens' chicanery.

Let's back up to saturday and the talk we had on her break. I knew she was going to her girlfriend's after work and taking one of her kids to Six Flags Darien Lake on sunday. Realizing I forgot to be nice when I left, around 8pm I sent her a text that read something like "Have fun tonite and a good time tomorrow. Hope this text doesn't get you in trouble." No response. No problem.

So I walk in today with my best coma face for a paper and Dew with my $2.06 ready to go. The guy in front of me has two pints of Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia on the counter and she purrs "Ooohh, my favorite!" Then I hear her snap sarcastically "Not you!" and she chuckles. The man cashes out as I make a note of all of this.

I set my bounty down on the counter. I turn my head for a split second and end up getting clocked as hard as she could at the side of my dome by my folded up newspaper. Thankfully, it was a slow day for news.

"Guess what?" she asks. At this point I would've strangled her, but I was too tired to battle. "Don't do that! I don't feel well and..."

"Awww...want me to kiss your boo-boo and make it better?" she almost moaningly slid out of her unknowing lips, unaware of her full-blown graduation from verbal to physical abuser. I let out a low, almost perverted chuckle, as if to ask her if she really wanted to know what hurts. But I behaved myself. Y'all should be proud.

"Ok, I'll bite. What?" I asked in a tone that really sounded like I don't give a shit, but candy-coated.

"I was on the Minderaser roller coaster at Darien Lake, and I lost my phone. They think it might be in a pond. And...it's gonna be $270 to replace it."

So you have to beat me like a bad dog with a newspaper that I'm about to pay for? Hehe... I don't think she liked it when I snapped instantly, "Maybe you should take better care of your shit," because she kinda gurgled one of those sarcastic, you-really-told-me kind of "huh huh huhs". You know...drop your voice an octave and wrinkle your nose while showing displeasure. I know a couple of y'all are trying it out, seeing if you can catch a reflection of yourselves off the glare in your monitor.

Told her to have a better day and peaced myself the fuck up outta there. I may wear a helmet the next time I go in there as I'm very prone to concussions, and hits to the head are not good for my inner sanctuary. And by the way, not a word about the text I sent her. Play on, playa.

One more little snippet: my phone only rings when I can't answer it. Once sleeping, once eating, and 3 or 7 more calls or texts while I was outside earlier doing things not constructed to the health and safety of a cell phone. Maybe Jess aught to take some lessons from your hero over here.

Anyway, hope my people all had a nice holiday, whether you partied, relaxed, or gave in to The Man for some fresh time-and-a-half. Stay safe and I'll get back at you soon. And hey, thanks for bein' there.