I'm Studying You

Let's make a bad day worse!

I am a man without a family.

I went to Arby's for lunch and my dad called. I let it slide because I had a fistful of Chicken Cordon Bleu and I'd check him when I got home.

The voicemail he left started with the usual "Yeah, this is dad..." as if I forgot how to read and went deaf simultaneously. But then it got weird. There was an urgency in his voice when he said he wanted to talk to me that brought me back to the nineties and sounded like I fucked something up...a tone I hadn't heard since, well, the nineties.

A little background...my dad and stepmom split up in January. My stepmom was a mother to me when I needed mothering most.

Now for the sketchiness...it was no secret they weren't happy at the end.

When my sis came up with her boyfriend from Tampa in October we went to the famous Anchor Bar for wings. Dad wasn't feeling good so he stayed home. I would've drove but wasn't sure where I was going, so Audi (my stepmom) drove.

After awhile, she asked if she could invite a "friend" of hers to join us. I didn't care- I never care. My sis pitched a fit and left. Enter "friend" Jim, a patient or something- I don't know- that Audi met at work (she's a nurse on the drug/alcohol/crazies floor at the Veterans' Hospital). I'll spare the bullshit details other than this... I was in the fucking way because when it became time to leave, all the sudden my place was out of the way.

My dad did not know this. And now I feel like the bad son.

When they split I helped Audi move in February. So did Jim. If it wasn't obvious there was already something going on, you could smell Jim's lust in the way he spoke. But what goes on between grown fools is none of my biz, and that goes for dad too because whether he realizes it or not, he played a role. I tried to sit on the fence.

Fast forward to me calling dad back. He called to tell me he's getting a lawyer because he found out in a roundabout way that Audi's living with some dude, so he's persuing a divorce. Good- you do what ya gotta do. He's established in his place, bought a nice car, working full time. Get some closure. Not the kind of thing anyone wants to hear, but especially not me and not this week. But for the first time in his life, it seems homeboy is finally doing things on his terms and taking some initiative.

I have to give Pop Diesel props though for catching up with the program...he mentioned that he had a card for me but didn't say those two words associated with me and 7/31, so we're cool. We may hang out next weekend at my aunt and uncle's getaway in the souther-than-southtowns.

So I was a little stung but ok. Went for some McD's with Jake, K-wol and H-bomb for some chicky nuggets. My screen door is a tricky bitch to close properly...I've mastered it as have most of the visitors. When I came home it was flailing in the breeze, and Audi's car was down the street at her sister's house. She stuck a birthday card in the door.

Nice move, right? Inside it says "34 yrs old- Oh my god!!! " and signed by her and my bro Mike (but not Mike's writing, because he's always been pampered like that). A few lottery ticket scratch-offs, I should be all set, right? Fuck that. I'll be 33, not 34. And people wonder why I get pissy around this time of year. I mean, Audi's been in my life only for as long as I can remember.

I don't want to be seething, but I am. I'm angry about that and I feel like shit for not giving dad more of a heads up. My birthdays used to be blastys where people got along, partied and had a good time. Now they're marked by breakups, craziness and family drama/idiocity/forgetfulness. Lovely. I want to go to sleep later on and wake up next week so I don't have to deal with all the happy horseshit of people treating someone like we should treat people every day. Plus I don't want to sit through jury duty. Fuck that.

If you're reading this right now, thanks. I appreciate it. Don't pity me for always getting stuck on the wrong team. I just needed to vent.