Memoirs of an Insane Freshman Girl

Chapter 5: Health

Chapter 5: Health

Okay, so I would have to say that my Health class was filled with a lot more excitement than most people's. Most people wrote Health off as an easy schedule-filling class, which of course it was because who actually learned anything in Health? Oh, people actually did learn something in Health? Oh, I wouldn't know. Maybe I was a little too busy making faces across the room to my best friend, Mandi. Mandi wasn't always my best friend, though. In fact, I didn't even see her until the first day of Health class, but I don't think I even talked her until a week or more later. We had assigned seats, and I was seated next to this girl named Miranda. Mandi sat on the right side of Miranda. There was actually an empty seat on my right before Miranda sat where this one girl sat a few times but then never decided to show up to Health again.

So since Health was first hour, I ended up walked over the annex really early because I didn't feel like waiting around the main building when I had no friends to talk to. It's true; I didn't have any friends at our school. Around ten people from my catholic grade school had decided to attend McCluer North, and none of them were what I would call my friends. Sure, there were a few girls I could talk to or would say hi to in the hallway, but others were definitely not friend material, if you know what I mean. So I didn't even have anyone to sit at lunch with, and I was so lost on that first day of school. I just picked some random girl sitting along in the cafeteria and sat down across from her. We never really talked, but I sat with her for the first four days of school because I still hadn't found anyone I knew to sit with. Then I finally found a group of people I knew from my literature/composition class that I could sit with at lunch. I never really talked that much at lunch. It wasn't that I was shy or anything. It was just that these people really weren't my kind of people to hang out with and chat with. Eventually, I began spending lunch with my best friend Carla and Sarah.

Back to Health class, one day, Mandi decided to sit in that empty seat on my right. Because I got to school so early, I usually put on make-up in Health because it was easier than doing it at home. As I expertly swiped that mascara wand over my eyelashes, Mandi enthusiastically said to me with a smile, "Hey! I'm Mandi!" Apparently, I glared at Mandi at that moment. Maybe it was that I had awakened at 5:15 that morning. Maybe I was just perturbed that she was interrupting my make-up time. Really, to this day, I will never know what was going through my head that day as I glared at my soon-to-be best friend.

Mandi and I quickly became friends, mostly because of our unity in everything crazy and insane. When Mr. C, our Health teacher, changed our seats, Mandi sat catty-cornered to my right in front of me. There was an empty seat to the left of me, and my dear friend Mandi took the liberty of inhabiting it without Mr. C's consent. Of course, Mr. C was cool with it. Well, if he wasn't, then he didn't say anything about it. The funny thing about Health class was that that was the only class I ever cheated in. Well, I'd hardly call it cheating, but if you count discussing possible answers during the final, then I suppose it was cheating. Well, I suppose I did cheat a little in Geometry second semester when I got lazy and copied a few of Greg's worksheets, but that's irrelevant. Mandi and I took Health as a joint class where we shared answers for everything. There wasn't one worksheet, assignment, or test that we hadn't conversed our opinions on during the entire semester.

I always wondered whether Mr. C really was oblivious to our obvious cheating of if he just didn't care. I also always laughed at the people who were failing Health. I was always thinking, Are you serious? Health is a gimme class! Haha! You're so stupid! But of course, I thought these things inside my head, or else I definitely would have gotten in trouble with my already big-enough mouth. Mandi's and my time in Health was enjoyable, to say the least. We definitely made the most of the first hour of the day while everyone else was sleeping, perturbed that their precious beauty sleep hours had been interrupted for this useless thing called education. Mandi and I seemed to be even more awake at seven in the morning than later in the day.

And those were the days that I actually got up early-around 5:15 or 5:30 if I took a shower the night before-because I actually cared about what I looked like, prior to Chris being my adorable boyfriend. I set my alarm the night before to that ungodly hour in the morning; so, I could take a shower, blow-dry my gorgeous black-brown dyed hair straight and apply the ever-important make-up essentials-namely, mascara, a thin line of black eyeliner, and a few dabs of foundation. Those were the days-I remember them like they were yesterday. When you have a boyfriend that will love you anyway even if you're wearing yesterday's sweats and your hair up in a bun, your face make-up free, you become less likely to actually care about looking cute. You don't have anyone to impress anymore.

Sure, you're thinking, I DON'T COME TO SCHOOL TO IMPRESS BOYS! (But I'll pretend that you really mean that even though we both know you're lying through your teeth!) (What about your perfectly smudged kohl eyeliner? And the cute miniskirt you just got from the mall? And your glossy hair straightened to perfection? Ahem . . . I see...) Okay, so while we're both pretending that you don't care if that hottie across the street notices you or not, I must say that having a boyfriend makes life a heck of a lot easier. First of all, you don't get stalked nearly as much as you would being boyfriend-less-mind you, you still get stalked because even though you constantly remind guys of your boyfriend, they seem to have selective hearing and reply with 'I don't care's. Second of all, who doesn't want a guy to text you every night and tell you how beautiful you are when your self-esteem is low? Third of all, you know what boyfriends are really for-but of course, I don't kiss and tell! 

Yes, back in those days of caring and eyeliner-wearing, Mandi and I usually had whole make-up parties during the first half hour of Health class. As our Health class was located at the annex-a.k.a. other building Health and gym classes were held that takes approximately five minutes to walk from the main building even though the school board claims it takes two and a half, but we all know that's a bunch of crap to make us late for class-class wasn't actually supposed to start until 7:18 or so, but Mr. C made a point of not even being in the classroom until at least 7:30. Since we were supposed to be given three minutes before the ending bell that rung at 8:05 normally to walk over to the main building, we only ever really had half hour classes in Mr. C's Health class. Of course, none of us students ever really cared. That just gave Mandi and me more time to talk, but then again, it didn't really matter what time class started because we continued talking anyway.

Yes, Mandi and I never really shut up in that class. We were continually making jokes about an episode of Hannah Montana where Emily Osmet said "In Canada, where the moose are!" wiggling her fingers over her head in a moose-like gesture. Because of that, whenever we felt like it, we randomly started making moose-like gestures and yelled "In Canada, where the moose are!" (Okay, so this has nothing to do with Health class, but you know how you can have one moose and three thousand moose, but you can't have three thousand goose? Why is the plural of goose geese when the plural of moose isn't meese? Just like how the plural of one mouse is mice, but more than one house isn't hice. Does that make sense to you?)

Mandi and I also developed many more inside jokes like the bunnies and the talking hands that ate each other-it's a long story, and trust me, you wouldn't laugh if I explained it because it's one of those things where you had to be there. During Sprit week before Homecoming, there was day called "twin day", and Mandi and decided to be twins-even though we didn't look that much alike, except for having long brunette hair and being of an abnormally short height. Mandi forced me to wear jeans-which I put a big fight for because I was definitely anti-jeans because of their obvious conformity to the social scene of high school, but in the end, I gave in-and I borrowed a shirt of hers that she just happened to have two of the same. (Is that a little weird or what to have two of the same shirt?)

There was also this one guy named Frank who felt it imperative to say "Hey, baby," in this voice I'm only guessing he meant to be seductive but actually made me want to vomit in my own purse. Okay, I'm totally kidding and being overly harsh-and besides, who would want to throw up in their own purse? But thank God, I had befriended Mandi, or else I would have made the biggest mistake of my life. So of course, Frank continued saying "Hey, baby," to me using his oh-so clichéd "You're hot," smile while I somewhat pleasantly ignored him with my "whatever"s-I wasn't completely a bitch, to say the least. Then Frank finally got around to asking me to the Homecoming dance, and I can barely believe I almost said yes! I'm not even kidding; I think I was delusional or drugged or something. I even wrote this little story called "Torn" when I was thinking about how I liked Chris and maybe even liked Frank. It's so disturbing to think about that it's making me want to vomit right now on my laptop-but I really don't want to do that because I had to pay half of the $550 it cost for me to buy it. So Frank asked me to the Homecoming dance, and it took me like four days to finally tell him no. To this day, I have no idea what took me so long to say no. It's not like Frank really liked me that much; he just wanted a "hot" girl to flaunt at Homecoming, I'm sure. I love Mandi forever, though, for finally making me realize I didn't want to go to Homecoming with Frank when I was so head-over-heels liking Chris.

Okay, so you must be wondering, if you liked Chris so much and he liked you so much, then how come you didn't go to Homecoming with him? It's a very complicated and long story, but I suppose I'll start to explain it. First of all, Chris and Frank weren't the only guys involved in my Homecoming plans. There was this guy named David who had a part in my Homecoming plans. As you can see, there were three available guys, and I didn't go with any of them. "WHY?" you must be asking, but you'll find out soon enough.