Dear Lucy

October 4th - October 8th

                                                                                                               October, 4th, 2007


Dear Lucy!


I am ill. Well, not totally, but my nose is running and I'm sneezing about every 10 minutes. That's great. Really. What else can you dream of? But I'm not ill enough to stay at home. At least I wasn't this morning. Now that I'm back home from work, I am.

This morning, it was just another headache and the painkillers helped. I fought myself through  work until lunch break. Then Mark said I should go see the doctor. Which I refused. Instead I stayed  and even worked through lunch break. There's that project that we're working on at the moment and I want to be a help for Mark. I want this job so much that a small cold is not going to stop me. Ha! I want to show the boss that he's able to count on me.

It was during a sneezing fit in the middle of the floor when I dropped the papers I had been carrying. I had just kneeled down to pick them back up, when I saw two feet, wearing black high heels, stopped in front of me. The next moment I was looking into two brown eyes.

"That doesn't sound too good." Dana said with a soft smile and reached for the papers lying all around me.

I couldn't answer as another sneeze took a hold of me. While blowing my nose, I said: "Nope, not good at all."

"You shouldn't be at work. You should be in bed, at home." she stated calmly and rose with my papers in her hands. I got up as well and stuck my tissue into my trousers.

"Nah, that's okay. I have to finish this." I pointed to my work that she was holding in her hands.

"Nothing could be as important that it can't wait." Dana's eyes searched mine. Then she reached out with a gentle hand, only to plant it directly on my forehead. Her palm felt cold against my skin.
"You've got a fever."

"Today I'm not ill...maybe tomorrow, but not today." I grinned at her and took my papers out of her hands.

Dana just shook her head as I walked past her.
"Go see a doctor." she called after me. The exact moment when Mark came out of our bureau. He nodded with a look that said <told you so!>.

"I told you. You should listen to her. There's a mama speaking. And mama's are always right."

I stood with my back to Dana. Luckily. Otherwise she would have seen the surprised, if not shocked, look on my face. Her? A mother? She didn't look like it. I mean, besides her body,  by her style and all.
Mark saw my look though and shrugged his shoulders with a grin.

"You're horrible, Mark." I heard Dana say. As I looked over my shoulder I saw her turning around and walking towards the exit.
"Oh, come on, Dana, you don't look like one." Mark called after her with a giggle.

"She sure doesn't!" I whispered to myself. Mark had heard it though and looked at me funny.

Dana just waved a hand over her shoulder and disappeared into the stairway.

In the end, I went home half an hour early. I didn't go see the doctor. Nope. I hate doctors. But I went past a pharmacy and got me some medicine.
Hopefully it will be over by tomorrow. I got that stuff that is supposed to knock you out as soon as you take it.

And that's what I'm going to do now....

Yours,

                          Myra


P.S.: Is she really a mother?!?





                                                                                                             October, 5th, 2007


Dear Lucy!


I stayed at home today. I also went to see a doctor. He gave me a note saying that I'm staying at home until Monday next week. So, that's it for this week. There won't be anything fun happening. And I'm bored out of my mind already.
You can only watch stupid talk shows for a short period of time. And I have no clue for how long I will be able to do it. Being ill as a child seemed so much more fun. At least, when you were healthy enough to play and watch TV.

Plus, there was mama who'd take care of you and give you good stuff to eat and yummie broth to drink. Today I have to do that for myself.

That reminds me, I have to call my parents today and tell them that everything is going well over here. Besides me, of course.

The talk show "Martin at noon" is starting in a few minutes. I hope you'll excuse me.

Take care....

Yours,
                              Myra





                                                                                                             October, 8th, 2007


Dear Lucy!

It's Monday and I'm back at work.
I met Dana on my way into the building. She was ahead of me and I had to do a short sprint to catch up with her. I just reached the door when she was about to open it. Instead I did it for her with a big grin.

She wasn't in a good mood, I think. She smiled weakly at me as she realized that it was me. I had hoped to make her laugh. I didn't expect THAT reaction.

"Thank you." she said softly but didn't look at me.
I walked up the stairs beside her and stole a glance at her. She looked tired, exhausted even. Her eyes, shining the last two times I had met her, were a tiny bit swollen and red. Maybe from crying? Not enough sleep? Was she getting ill as well?

"I went to the doctor, as you said." I told her, a kind of  pride swinging in my voice.

"That's good. And I see you're doing better again." she answered in an even voice opening the door to our floor for me. I went past her and then stopped by her bureau door.

Dana didn't pay me much attention as she unlocked the door.

"How are YOU?" I asked carefully. I didn't want to push too far again.

"I'm doing fine." she said with a forced smile. Our eyes connected. Only for a split second. But it was enough for me to realise that nothing was fine.
I guess she saw my doubt as she smiled again at me. This time brighter.
Dana tried really hard to convince me. It didn't quiet work but I decided to let it be.

"Okay, if you say so." I shrugged my shoulders. "Have a good day."

"You too." With that she disappeared into her bureau, closing the door behind her and leaving me alone with my thoughts.

What is it with this woman? What is going on in her life that she has to hide her feelings from the world? Or is it just me she's hiding them from? I'm not her friend. I'm not her partner. So why shouldn't she hide them from me? It's what you do. You don't let everybody see what is going on inside of you. It's no body's business. Unless you choose for them to be allowed in. I wish somehow she would let me in.

That's why I couldn't let go of it. Her sad eyes were making my head spin during the morning. I couldn't really concentrate on my work. Even though I tried. Since it didn't work to get her off my mind, I decided to extend my lunch break and go to town. Maybe some window shopping would clear my head. Mark was okay with it and so I was off to town by 11 o'clock.

It was nice in town today. Even though it was still work and school time, lot's of people were on the streets. I decided to just have a look around the shops. Since I'm here in Würzburg, I haven't been to most of the stores yet. So it was nice to have a look around and see what the town has to offer besides the sight seeing stuff.

My plan about forgetting to worry about the problems of a woman I didn't even know, was interrupted very early when I stood in front of a toy store. There, in between Playmobile and board games was sat the cutest stuffed bunny I've ever seen.

The bunny wasn't very big, maybe a tiny bit taller than my hand. It's was of a bright white colour and it's large ears were hanging by the side of it's head. In it's hands it held a orange carrot, the big, nearly oversized paws clinging to it. It seemed extremely fluffy, it's big brown eyes fixing me. As if to tell me that there was no way I could just leave it sitting in the window by itself.
Am I crazy or something? Maybe it's totally out of it, but I went in there and bought the rabbit. Not for me. As soon as I had lied my eyes onto it, I thought of Dana. Okay, yes, she's a grown woman. What does she want with a stupid stuffed animal? Right? I couldn't hold back and now it's too late anyway.

I bought the bunny and after that searched for a card. I found a nice one. On the front was a picture of a hillside in a beautiful landscape. In the far distance there were heavy clouds hanging in the sky. But in the front, a great rainbow was raising above the hill. At the bottom of the front picture it said:

"A friend is like a rainbow. They brighten your life when you've been through a storm."

It was fitting to what I wanted to tell Dana with it. Still I decided to write down a little message on the card as well. I found a free table in one of the coffee shops and while drinking a latte macchiato  , I let my thoughts travel around what I wanted to say to her.

Normally I'm not very good at stuff like that. Today though the words were floating out of me easily. I wrote:

"Dear Dana!

I hope you don't think I'm a maniac to always barge into your private businesses.

You seemed so sad to me this morning. I don't know what you're sad about. I feel as if you need someone to talk to though.

Maybe that is impudent of me,  but I would like to offer to you to be the one that listens and is there for you when you need a friend.

My door is always open for you.

Myra. "

How did that sound? Stupid? Well, no turning back now. Since I already have given it to her. Well, I didn't exactly give it to her.
When returning to work by 12:45 p.m. I sat it down in front of her bureau. And ran. Don't laugh at me. I didn't really run, but hurried to my office. Quickly, very quickly. To hide. Because suddenly I felt all shy about what I had done.

And, stupid me, I didn't even think that someone else could pick the bunny up before Dana would find it. Darn! Now that I'm thinking of that. Ouh, ouh!

Because I have absolutely no idea if she took it or someone else. As I said, I hid in my office and spent the rest of the work day there. Mark looked at me funny when I burst into our bureau and closed the door as if someone was chasing me. I put it off with a grin.

"Sorry, thought I was late."

He bought that and didn't ask any further.

My mind was now spinning not around Dana's sad eyes, but around what I had done. For more than one time I was about to jump up, run to her bureau and grab the bunny before she could lay an eye on it. But it was too late and I dived into my work. Somehow the day went past and at 4 p.m. I shut down my computer and exited our office. Along with Mark. We left the building together and as we went past Dana's door, that was closed accusingly, my eyes drifted down to the floor. The place were the bunny had been sat, was empty.

No idea, where it is. I pray that she found it. How embarrassing if someone else did. If the boss did! Oh god! What have I done?!?

If she had found it, I guess she would have come over to thank me, right? But she didn't. I didn't see her since this morning.
If someone else took it, I will be THE laugh of the whole company tomorrow.
But then again, maybe she did take it. And found the whole thing pretty foolish. Or maybe she's really pissed at me, for trying to tamper with her life.

Oh no.... I think I'm going to be sick.....
I better hide somewhere now. Why can't we turn back time. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god......

I will go hide in bed. I hope I'm sick tomorrow. And the day after tomorrow. And the day after that and the week after that.....

Yours,


                          Myra