Too purty to live in town.....

June 1, 2008

Well, it's Sunday morning now, and I'm getting ready to go to church. The graveside service for L's mother was yesterday. I sang Amazing Grace. First time I ever sang at a funeral, and it was not easy. I couldn't look at L, or her children because I'd choke up. So I looked above their heads, and at folks I didn't know.

This was the first funeral that Joe had attended, so I took a little time with him explaining a few things. I showed him some headstones, and explained that he was to walk behind the headstones because most people are buried facing east because Christ is coming back from the east and they can greet him face to face. I also told him that it was disrespectful to the dead to walk on their graves. He walked around a bit looking at the different headstones, just absorbing the new information.

After the service just a few of us went back to L's house. She had no time to go food shopping and had limited food on hand. She had some ham so we decided to make ham sandwiches. L's friend A and I went to the grocery store and got chips and drinks and the items to make a tater tot casserole for them to have for dinner so that Lynn wouldn't have to worry about cooking that day.

As A prepared the lunch, I made fresh squeezed lemonade and then made the casserole. We got them all fed and settled in and I left to take Joe to Cousin N's to overnight. I stopped by Walmart to pick up oil and a filter for my car. Then I came home.

I had talked to R, L's husband, and he said he'd change the oil for me. I'm 1000 miles overdue for an oil change. I remember how Daddy always grilled into us to change the oil every 3000 miles. He'd have a fit to hear I went 1000 over. It's also time to rotate the tires, and R said he'd do that too.

When I was at the store, I felt kinda stupid because I didn't know what kind of oil to buy. I'd always taken my car to the shop to get the oil changed, so I'd never bought oil for the car myself. I knew that I wanted a synthetic blend, but didn't know if I should get 10w-30, 5w-30, 10w-40, etc. So I called R and asked him. He said that 10w-40 should be fine since I'm pretty good at changing it every 3K miles.

I thought that this would be a good way to give R an opportunity to thank me for helping his family out so much. He's a man and like most men, he gets a bit uncomfortable when his family needs outside help, and since I really do need the oil changed, this was a good way to protect his pride and let him help me without him feeling like some kind of score is being kept.

Next Saturday evening, his oldest, Ke is graduating from high school. The plan is for me to ride with them to the commencement, so that morning he'll do the maintenance on the car.

I've got to say, that after having 4 children with me for 3 days, it was just wonderful to be the only one in the house for a while. Please don't misunderstand...I love her children as if I had borned them myself, but I really missed and needed my alone time. Some people get energized being around others, but me, I get my recharge by being alone. I washed my dishes and started on laundry.

This next week is gonna be a busy one as well. Monday, the 5th graders are going to the water park in Ocala as an end of year field trip. Joe's really looking forward to that. He loves the water! I like being by it, and if the boat is large enough, I don't mind being on the water, but I don't care much for being in the water. I don't like getting water on my face.

Tuesday at school is 5th grade graduation rehearsal, and Wednesday is the actual graduation, so I'll have to take more time off work. This 2 ½ days I've spent with L has been leave without pay because I didn't have any more time left on the books. I don't really mind, because she's my best friend and I knew she needed me.

My boss didn't mind either, because she knows how important these kind of friendships are. My boss has an elderly mother who's not in the best of health, so she could personally relate as well. I'll just have to be very careful with my expenses to deal with the short paycheck.

My arm is still hurting some, but it's tolerable with OTC pain killers. My right wrist is talking to me a little too, complaining of being overused, so I've really got to be careful and baby it for a while.

In going through this experience with L, I have learned so much. I've learned that people who haven't come to terms with their own mortality are really wiggy about death. I've found that it's fairly easy to identify those who have come to terms with it and those who haven't, just by listening to what they say.

It was also revealed once again to me the selfish nature of people. I've seen this before, but it became quite apparent again. When people found out about L's mom passing, it seemed that so many of them felt the need to tell L about someone they knew that had passed.

I guess in some way, they felt that it would be a comfort to her to know that others have felt the sting of death too, but that form of comfort rarely is successful. I wish they understood that. The truth is, L didn't really give a rat's you-know-what about who else had lost someone. This was HER grief, and HER loss, and hearing about others losses, only made her sadness worse.

She didn't want to hear about someone else dying, all she cared about was that her mother died. L would never say that, she's not that kind of person. But I am. I'll come right out and say it. All she really needed was people to be with her, hold her, comfort her and just be available to her. The stories can wait for another time and place.

I understand that they were just trying to be kind to her, and I wouldn't want to step on anyone's kindness, however, I wish that people were a bit more sensitive when talking to others who go through this.

I've experienced this with my arm issues. For some strange reason, people often felt the need to tell me about their medical issues, or a relative or a friend who also has dealt with broken bones, etc. Did I really care about that? Not at all. It didn't help me or comfort me in the least.

Just like when I was pregnant with Joe, I got so sick to hear other people's baby stories! I didn't care about other's delivery dramas, I only cared about my own! I admit that may sound selfish on my part, and I own and accept that. I also feel that sometimes it's appropriate to be a little selfish and that it's ok to be primarily focused on one's own issues on occasion and not want to hear similar stories about other's issues.

I'm also somewhat offended when a perfect stranger will come up to me in a store or wherever, and say, "How'd ya break yer arm?" Like it's any of their business?? Sometimes, I have to fight the urge to tell them, "Ever hear of 'mind yer own?' " Most of the time, I'll just say "surgery" but sometimes, when I'm feeling a bit pissy, I'll say, "I got a boo-boo." That tends to shut them up. Another response I've found that works well is to simply smile and say, "Why do you ask?" Most of the time, the point is made without having to say anything more.

A lot of this comes back to me being a fairly private person. I know that some folks don't mind telling all to anyone who will listen, and there are those that actually thrive on that. I don't. I'm not a drama queen and find it to be an invasion of my privacy. If I wanted someone to know the whole story, I'd tell them, doggonnit.

Now, I know that the argument can be made that they are asking from a place of true concern. I get that. I even struggle with that sometimes, not wanting my attitude to get in the way of allowing people to express their concern for me. I don't have any real solution of how to deal with it, so I just take it day by day and pray that God will give me the grace to handle it with class and dignity.

Time to go, more later,
Curls