The Undiscovered Country

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"I was part of that strange race of people aptly described as spending their lives doing things they detest to make money they don't want to buy things they don't need to impress people they dislike."

-- Emile Henry Gauvreau

I can't say I've ever worked a job I hated. Sure, I've taken a job I didn't necessarily want because I needed the money. That included a housekeeping job in a hotel. Every one I ended up enjoying for various reasons.

That's not to say I woke up every day wanting to go to work. Far from it. Even now I wake up some days and long to call in absent (I refuse to call in sick when I'm not; too dishonest).

However, I did go through a stage as a teenager where I wanted to impress people (who didn't?), though not people I disliked. If I dislike someone, I don't give a rat's patootie what they think of me. Even as a youngin' I thought that way.

I guess being anti-social as I described in a previous entry has its advantages.

Having to scrape up money for food from day to day for a while, I also don't buy things I don't need to impress people. Living like that, buying material goods to try to increase the opinions of others doesn't enter the mind for a second.

Yes, now I buy things I don't need. I'm a techno-junkie as I've described before. I do it because I like electronic toys, and enjoy learning about how they function, not because I long to brag about what I have to others.

That's as shallow a reason I can think of to buy anything.

In fact, I tend to hide from others what I have, especially if they don't have as much as I do. Does it stem from guilt? Yes. Sure, I've worked hard enough I can claim I've earned what I have, but at the same time, I don't want others to envy me.

So I guess in that way I want to impress people. I want to impress upon them I too know what it's like to struggle to live at times.

I want people to see me, not what I own or don't own.

I think that's one reason I love to write. People see my words, my heart and mind first, not the physical form God placed my soul inside of.