What am I Doing Here?

My friend Pumpkin, who is gone.

Just twenty-four hours ago I was driving home after a very sad and painful responsibility that I had to do. My wonderful, beloved Pumpkin was in breathing and probably cardiac distress. My job was to see that he was finally put to sleep and end his suffering with cancer. However he died before I got the the emergency clinic. I heard the death rattle of his last breath.
I really hate cancer with all of my heart and soul. Pumpkin did not deserve to get this disease. Neither did his wonderful brother Mighty Mouth for that fact. Pumpkin fought with all of his wonderful spirit. He tried to do his part in living but the horrible disease that we cannot solve the mystery won.
Pumpkin was even a patient at a top clinic. He went through four rounds of chemotherapy and came home like a trooper. I know that he did the best he could. It is a shame that we have not found the cure yet. I talked to an animal communicator who said he trusted me. Some trust. I feel like I let him down immensely.
Pumpkin did not reach his fourteenth birthday. That would have been on July 10th. He lived about 5650 days. This does not seem like a lot, but then 13 years and 10 months does not seem like much also. Pumpkin was born on a nice Sunday morning in my closet. He was the only orange kitten in the litter. I could not find a home for him and his brother Mighty Mouth so I kept them both. You know what? I am glad I did since they were wonderful kittens and later big loving boys. I still have their mother, Mama Tika and she is quite a wonderful girl also.
Pumpkin's only really bad habit was linked to a birth defect, and that was an addiction to sucking plastic. If he could he would chew it and then swallow it. I know because I saw something like plastic in his poop when I scooped the litter box. Pumpkin would find some plastic in the middle of the night and I would hear some munching. I'd have to get up because I did not want him to swallow it. Lucky me.
Otherwise, Pumpkin was my 'bed buddy'. He would come to bed with me every night. He would stay until I fell asleep. Many times he would stay all night. But in the end I know that he would make the rounds and check the other cats in the morning. But I felt happy when we went to sleep together. That was so special to me.
Pumpkin's problems started out with vomitting. The doctors and I could not put our finger on it. They felt that it was just pancreatitis. Later he would vomit up a lot of bloody junk. That was when he had the surgery to remove 2/3 of his stomach which was the beginning of the end. No one felt that he would survive, but the Pumpkin spirit and my insistance of being positive helped. He surprised everyone. That's when I think that people started pulling for him. He deserved it. But cancer and it's terrible chemotherapy was too much for my wonderful orange friend.
He is gone now.
The house is emptier. I have six other cats, and they are nice. But I miss my good little buddy. I know (hope?) that he is in kitty cat heaven with his brother. I hope that I get to see him whenever. I pray that he will forgive me for not doing better.
I love you Pumpkin.
I miss you my dear little friend.
God bless you and give you anything you want because you have earned it on earth. You were something special and I really do miss you.
I love you Pumpkin.