Amygdalia's Blog

Better day!

I made it through the seders!  I honestly was not sure how I was going to make it TO the first seder, let alone stay functional through it, but I did ok.  I did wish I'd brought my Ativan with me, but oh well.   I didn't blog about the previous day, but I'll just say . . . it was DEFINITELY not one of my better days.  I literally reached a breaking point, and I realized that I can't begin to focus on moving forward until I get a better handle on living in the present.

So, back to the seders . . . as usual, the 2 nights could not have been more different.  For the past 3 or 4 years, we've spent the first night with my stepmom's family.  Prior to that, all of the seders I attended were with my dad's family.  The seder with my stepmom's family is always held in a grand banquet room in a posh Philadelphia hotel.  There were 37 people, including 12 children.  The service part was rushed, as always, so we could get to the food.    It was formal and elegant . . . but lacking in the indefinable element that makes a seder a seder, for me.  I don't know how else to describe it.  It wasn't cold and impersonal, but it didn't have the same warmth.  The food was elegant . . . but it wasn't prepared with love.  The seder is always hosted by my stepmom's aunt, who is quite elderly, and run by Aunt Mim's son, Steve.  His wife always puts together this wonderful gift bags of stuff for each of the children - books, and toys, and markers, and pads of paper, stuffed animals, even even gift cards at times.  Despite all of this, I was not able to really relax.  Sophie was whining about being bored, about being hungry (there were things I knew she WOULD eat . . . but she decided she didn't want them) . . . that's where the Ativan would have come in handy.    In any case, we made it through the evening.  Bob always takes the kids (well . . . Sophie and Jakie, and often my cousin's son, as well) across the street to Rittenhouse Square to take photos.  He got some great ones, this year!

The second night . . . we drove up to my cousin's house.  This is often a stressful drive for me, when the family is with me.  Mainly, I worry about Jakie not napping in the car, and then being utterly miserable while we are there.  It took a concerted effort on my part to not focus on it, to just keep my cool.  And, in the end . . . he did what he always does, and fell asleep about half an hour before we arrived! Moral of the story . . . he's gonna do what he's gonna do, regardless of how much you stress about it.  So . . . DON'T!!

This was the seder that means Passover to me.  My family - my dad and stepmom, as well as my mom (she's still a part of the family, even though my parents divorced when I was a child . . . in fact, she was at my cousin's for the first night, as well! ).  My cousin and her family, my aunt, and my 97 year old grandfather.  5 years ago today (according to the Hebrew calendar - the day after the 2nd seder . . . actually, just hours after the 2nd seder ended) my grandmother, who had Alzheimers, passed away.  She waited until the seders were over.  Up until that time, my grandfather had been strong and active, albeit aging and slowing down.  He continued to lead the seders up until  . . . 3 years ago? . . . when his health started deteriorating.  He was there, sitting next to my dad, who led the seder.  The same jokes were told, the same humorous emphases made in certain parts . . . and while he was just sitting, sometimes dozing, not speaking, he was a part of the seder.  He had a nurse there with him, who was absolutely wonderful.  My cousin took over the seder hosting and preparation 3 years ago, when it got to be too much for my aunt, and her tiny apartment.  She did a magnificent job.  I'd gone up last weekend to help her with some of the cooking, and Dhoc-li Llama came with me.  We had a BLAST making applesauce and kugels . . . and brownies that ended up being horrid.  But, when you read a recipe, and it says ŕ ½ cocoa" . . . well, there's a chance you might have a bit of trouble with it!   In any case . . . as usual, there was an obscene amount of food.  Let's see . . . hard boiled egg, then chopped liver and/or gefilte fish (I skipped this course, as usual ).  Then matzoh ball soup or borscht.  THEN . . . stuffed veal, brisket, stuffed cabbage, turkey, stuffing, baked chicken (like shake and bake - Jakie loved it, whoooo!), homemade applesauce, 3 kinds of kugel, candied sweet potatoes, asparagus, broccoli, cranberry sauce . . . I know I'm forgetting something.   A lot of food! Mandel bread, macaroons, meringue cookies, sponge cake and of course the horrid brownies.  Next year she's going back to the brownie mix, which we LOVED growing up!

The food was amazing, the seder was wonderful, the singing was dreadful . . .   No, it was tons of fun, but ours is not a family that sings well together.    Well, most of us can't carry a tune in a shopping bag, but what we lack in talent, we make up for in enthusiasm! 

Sophie had a blast with my cousin's younger daughter.  Dhoc-li Llama was very grown up and a wonderful participant.  Both nights she read the Four Questions to my dad, in Spanish.   I'd gotten him a book for his birthday that had the Four Questions in many different languages, along with some history of the Jewish culture in the areas where those languages are spoken.  The first night, she insisted that I read them in Greek on the second night . . . so I did.  It was tough though, because it wasn't actually modern (demotic) Greek . . . so the pronunciation threw me off a bit.  But I did it.    Jakie had a wonderful time, and was very well behaved.  I wrote down several Jakie quotes, on the drive home . . . I'll get them posted in "Notable quotables"  [ASR] shortly. 

The children are all very excited because my cousin and her husband invited them to come for a weekend, again . . . so Bob and I can go into NYC ALONE!   So ok . . . the children AND the adults are all very excited!  

Despite a VERY rough start on Friday night, it turned out to be a good weekend.

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