Break the Cycle

Trigger/Factor: Seasonal stuff

Between my grandmother's death and spring, I've been in a crabby, bitchy mood. It's not quite to the point where I'm at full out anger, but holy crap I'm close. Spring has long time associations with school and the last minute pressures of the school year. The worst parts of the school year happened in the spring: my nervous breakdown, the notebook incident, numerous public humiliations, dealing with hellish living conditions and just rushing to graduate. Thus, spring has been the bane of my existence, so I'm more inclined to be a bitch this time of year. Not only that, but my energy levels are up, so I'm inclined to be more physically violent. Living in Minnesota, I have mixed feelings about it. I appreciate the warmup, but I hate feeling calm like I do in winter. Winter is when I'm least aggressive, and spring is when I pull a severe 180 in that regard. Spring is weird for me, and I have to find ways to deal with it.

The first step is to stay away from Writing.com except when absolutely necessary. I have newsletter committments, and I have a couple journalling things to complete. Other than that, I'm tired of the people on the site. Most of them are women, and they bitch too much. They bring out my inner mysogynist, and my urge to fight skyrockets. This hormonal flux makes me tired when I can't physically express my anger, so I feel muscle fatigue more in the spring. So I need to cut back big time. To a smaller extent, this applies to the internet in general, although the things that piss me off about the internet are more varied, ranging from irritation at stupidity to annoyance with pomposity of the myriad internet denizens. Fucking A.

The second thing I need to do is write angry characters. I've been feeling a strong pull to write fiction again, and the characters I have in mind are violent (sons of) bitches. I'll live vicariously through my characters, and I can get lost in the universes I create. Okay, the stories are actually set in Minneapolis, but I feel familiar enough with the city to integrate it into my fiction. The city has been a creative boon for me, and with this renewed inspiration, I may be able to use writing as a way to work through my anger. I still keep myself physically in check so I don't have to deal with the PoPos, but maybe writing will help relieve some of the mental strain I've been feeling.

In the meantime, I will be the bitchiest Stik you've ever seen, and odds are good it's your fault.